5. I hate when I’m on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle.
6. I specifically ordered Persian rugs with cherub imagery!!! What do I have to do to get a simple Persian rug with cherub imagery uuuuugh.
7. Sometimes I get emotional over fonts.
8. I could never do stand up cause I tell jokes better when I’m sitting.
9. Do you know where to find marble conference tables? I’m looking to have a conference… not until I get the table though.
10. I am God's vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.
11. I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means. I am undoubtedly, you know, Steve of Internet, downtown, fashion, culture. Period. By a long jump. I honestly feel that because Steve has passed, you know, it’s like when Biggie passed and Jay Z was allowed to become Jay Z.
12. Sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed. I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book's autograph. I am a proud non-reader of books.
13. You should only believe about 90 percent of what I say. As a matter of fact, don’t even believe anything that I’m saying at all. I could be completely fucking with you, and the world, the entire time.
14. I don't even listen to rap. My apartment is too nice to listen to rap in.
15. I jog in Lanvin.
16. I feel like I’m too busy writing history to read it
17. I don’t personally like suit jackets anymore. I especially hate suit jackets on women… that was a groundbreaking idea 5 million years ago!