If there were an Aussie equivalent of Dolce & Gabbana, and they saw fit to celebrate their food heritage, they might design a dress printed with Chiko Rolls, or embellished with sequinned Lamingtons or raffia prawns.
(That's actually quite a good idea; quick, someone call Romance Was Born... )
But to be truly authentic in 2016, the modern Australian diet motifs would have to be sushi, avocado and green juice.
There's no such hipster rubbish in Milano.
This is a city of people who seem to get by on custard-filled croissants and midnight pasta. Ask for vegetables in a restaurant and they bring you a mozzarella-and-tomato salad with a single basil leaf. And, my god, they drink a lot of cocktails. (#fatterthanIwaswhenIarrived #whyarentthey?). I don't know how they do it.
But I totally get the totemic, symbolic, magic power of the classic Italian way of life: good food, good wine, siestas, aperitivo... I mean, why not stick all that on a T-shirt if you can?
Iconic design duo Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana show in Milan, but they come from the south, so when they play the food-as-fashion card it's hotter under the collar.
Their upbeat, grin-inducing show on Sunday was titled "Tropica Italiano", and attended by Sofia Richie and heart-throb male models Cameron Dallas and Lucky Blue Smith. Screaming teenaged fans formed a crazy crush outside.
Inside, we were too busy being happy that Dolce & Gabbana had just deemed carbs cool again.
For SS'17, they showed romantic dresses printed with ice-cream cones, pasta, and bottles of olive oil. One amusing tote bag featured a pizza. There was hessian shift dress with a canned tomato print, and both spaghetti and cocktail motifs were worked into prints.
For the finale, instead of the usual pack of crystal-strewn models storming the runway, a rowdy simulation of a street party was staged, led by a troupe of Neapolitan dancers (in their own clothes) adapting Tarantella sounds to breakdance moves. Cue a lot of energetic whooping.
According to the designers: "The collection features all the symbols that are part of our daily life but that also belong to the [mythical] 'Tropico Italiano': food, religion, colours, flowers, family, ice creams, pizza, etc. Words that are often linked to the common imagery [that] might be familiar to Italian citizens but [is] part of an experience for foreigners who travel to Italy and dream of it."
Cue, embroidered ‘hotel’ slippers, folkloric crowns, shoe heels flashing with LEDs and bags featuring neon cafe signs.
But nothing beats the pizza dress, right?
Thanks to their artistry of technique - these clothes are exquisitely made collectors' items - Dolce and Gabbana managed to make dressing like a carb fest absolutely appealing.
Me, I'm hungry for these witty fashion treats. You?