“I’m going on a date with a 26-year-old this week,” Laura*, 31, fresh out of a long-term relationship and on a mission to re-discover her taste in men, tells me.
Since becoming single again and learning her way through the world of dating apps, she’s seen men of varying professions and varying age brackets. Dating younger however? That’s a new one for her and possibly the date she’s most apprehensive for.
“We couldn’t be more opposite,” she says as she rehashes her date and adds: “but he’s the best kisser yet.”
A five year age gap isn’t scandalous by any means, but in this period of life – 20s to late 40s, that is – it can feel like worlds apart. She’s high up in a corporate job, he’s working casually and still figuring out what he really wants to do. She’s booking hotel stays in the city on a whim, he’s catching the bus over an hour to get home. And yet, it’s one of the best dates she’s been on.
Laura’s not alone. Online, a growing trend to the tune of Maroon 5’s ‘Misery’ has seen thousands of women posting about the younger men they’re dating.
All of the videos start off the same; with details of their ideal older man – typically 30+ and ready to settle down. Instead, they reveal, they landed someone early to mid 20s with all the traits they’ve been looking for in a partner.
Dating younger men isn’t new, but it has been considered relatively taboo. While we don’t expect an earworm tune and micro TikTok trend will overhaul years of patriarchal standards drummed into us that it signifies a woman is “desperate” or a “cougar” it may be another sign of changing perspectives.
Recently, we’ve seen a wave of older-woman-dates-younger-man films, including Babygirl and The Idea Of You and women like Kristin Cavallari and Charlize Theron speak openly about their experiences with younger men. Could this latest social media trend be just further proof we’re finally shaking the taboo for good?
“It almost flips the script by challenging those old school double standards that used to say it was normal (or even admirable) for older men to date younger women, but not so ok the other way around,” Clinical Psychologist Dr. Maria-Elena Lukeides tells marie claire Australia.
“Women proudly sharing their relationships with younger men, it can help to dismantle old biases”
Still, the trend highlights this idea that older men (even slightly so) are thought to be a more desirable match. This isn’t universally said for all women, of course, but depicts another possible misconception about the age dynamic: that dating an older man equals security and maturity.
“Those that do prefer older men, tend to be seeking security and stability,” Dr. Lukeides explains, “That’s because there is an element of evolutionary psychology at play – where women unconsciously seek partners who offer stability and resources.”
Maybe it’s a case that men in their 20s are more emotionally mature than the generations before. Dr. Lukeides suggests that rather than age, it’s maturity we’re seeking from a relationship — and that has more to do with someone’s upbringing and attachment style.
“Attachment theory posits that our ability to form healthy relationships, to prioritise connectedness, to be responsible and accountable partners, is based on our early parenting experiences,” she explains.
“It may be a sign that women are more interested in the quality of the relationship dynamic, that eventually that is what they fall in love with as opposed to some ideal or idea that an age matched or older man will be ‘emotionally mature’.”
They say age is just a number, so maybe we take cues from the TikTok trend and not base our perfect match on it.
*Name has been changed
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