Intimacy week on Married At First Sight continues! Will it ever end? Unlikely because it’s really bringing the sexy tea. Very different from the regular tea. Sexy tea is like, Rooibos and regular tea is your bog-standard English Breakfast.
First up, Alana would like Jason to stop giving her constant orgasms and instead connect with her on an emotional level. These two are perfect. Give them the final prize (is there a final prize?).
Bec and Jake are finally getting somewhere – they do that staring-into-eyes task and it goes fine, but more importantly, Jake asks Bec to move back in and she’s keen. He says he’s noticed a change in her energy in a good way.
Bryce and Melissa are screwed. He’s just completely gaslighting her now – he walks out of the apartment for ages because when he asked her what she was wearing for the day, she responded with “clothes” as a joke. Seriously? This is becoming so toxic they should just boot him from the show.
Meanwhile, Coco and Sam do a workout together because Sam has realised he’s gonna have to do some huge damage control if he wants to become an influencer after this. But Coco’s already checked out – she’s now got her eye on Cam, who is also over his Sam.
Back to Alana and Jason, who are cupping each other’s genitals because the sex therapist asked them to.
Super normal behaviour over here. It’s really getting to Jason on an emotional level, and he ends up crying – which is really cool actually, because as the sex therapist explains, his emotional maturity and ability to express himself will have a huge impact on his relationship. Also – let’s normalise men crying!
Russell and Beth have absolutely no chemistry, and also have no sexual compatibility – Russell is into sex but just the “pedestrian” stuff he calls it, while Beth is like, oooh I like tantra oooh do crazy stuff. Both? Fine!!! But definitely on the same wavelength. JUST LEAVE, GUYS.
Booka and Brett now have to make out for ten minutes and of COURSE it’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen and of COURSE you end up sad and depressed because you don’t have a Booka or a Brett and of COURSE you end up crying into your Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream tub you bought at the servo.
Joanne and James are on the outs, they have a sexy massage but James flat-out refuses to make out with her for ten minutes, and she isn’t into that. That’s all that really happens with them, to be honest.
Then Jason decides to cook for Alana but it’s revolting sloppy pasta bottle sauce and some overcooked fettuccine. I mean, it’s the thought that counts, right?
Jason and Bec have to look in each other’s eyes and laugh for 400 years, which is just revolting to watch. Bec decides he’s too serious for her and that’s why she hasn’t been getting along with him. Which is possibly right but I also haven’t seen one example of Bec being a laugh-a-minute so I’m a bit confused about what she’s going on about.
Meanwhile, Coco and Cam catch up for a chat and it’s like more of a CHAT, if you get my drift. There’s a lot of sexy-eyes and flirty laughing. I don’t feel like they have one single scrap of sexual chemistry. It’s like watching two old Wettex’s have a boring chat. Couldn’t they at least have ramped the acting up a notch?
Still – they’re definitely on their way to hooking up. Tomorrow night is the next dinner party and it looks off the chain, I can’t wait.
