So it’s the morning after THAT Married At First Sight dinner party. You know, the one where the two worst dudes, Bryce and Sam, were at loggerheads with each other about respecting women or something? Water was thrown, Patrick copped most of it even though he’s the sweetest angel in this show, etc.
Bryce seems to think Sam is jealous of him, and Melissa’s reaction to this was priceless.
He reckons everyone thinks they’re faking it coz they’re going so well. Mate, are you? I feel like everyone’s actually wondering if they need to extricate poor Melissa from that gaslighting situation at this point (and they should, to be honest).
Cam and Coco meet up to discuss his woeful lack of support at the dinner party, namely that he literally just avoided eye contact and was all Mariah Carey “I don’t know her” about Coco as soon as one smidgen of confrontation emerged with his wife, Sam.
Coco says she wanted some support, he sort of apologises, they make out in front of fifteen cameras.
Everyone then gathers at that warehouse thing to make their Stay/Leave decisions and talk shit about their partners to other spouses. Joking! It’s pretty beige pre-ceremony. Then first on the couch are Booka and Brett, who are just so loved up you want to squeeze them ‘til they die.
They both wax lyrical about each other and their relationship, and you can tell the experts are stoked that at least one of these couples is working out.
Next is Melissa and Bryce. They go on about how great they’re going, until John pointedly asks Bryce about the dinner party and he looks like he’s going to wet his pants:
John is disappointed in his behaviour, and when Bryce tries to argue that it was him defending his wife, John’s like “uhhh, are you going to just start throwing water at anyone who says anything about Melissa, forever?” Good on John for calling out toxic masculinity like this. Sam gloats from the couch and John then goes in on him too. You can’t escape the John truth bombs, people! He will find you and he will COME FOR YOU.
Bryce tries to tell the experts about how he delusionally thinks this brought him and Melissa together, and they’re like “how did we make these people?” John says Melissa looks miserable (she does) and Bryce is so red he looks like he’s about to explode.
In the end they both write stay but Bryce basically throws his flip thing onto the couch in anger. He is so off the experts and so convinced he’s in the Best Couple Ever. Oh dear.
Anyway! Alana and Jason are doing great, Bec and Jake have improved (sort of) but clearly have no chemistry at all. Bec writes leave but Jake writes stay.
Then it’s James and Joanne and what everyone’s been waiting for – who is James in love with?? It turns out it’s…. Allessandra, the sex therapist expert. Everyone is shocked at his truly awful, terrible joke. Joanne is like:
Allessandra is like:
James is oblivious to how absolutely shithouse his joke is, and when it comes to the decision, he writes leave because he’s STILL dirty at Joanne for the time she wrote “stay (for now)” which admittedly was a terrible call from her but also come on buddy, this is some long game retaliation shit here. She wrote stay and looks physically repulsed at the idea of having to hang around for another week with this cretin.
Patrick and Belinda are next, and obviously both write stay. Then it’s Russell and Beth, the most boring and chemistry-less couple in the experiment, and they thankfully admit their feelings haven’t grown beyond friendship and call time on their relationship. Bye, guys!
Then it’s Coco and Sam. They talk about just being friends (not even, really) and at one point Coco accidentally calls him Cam, which results in giggles all round except from Girl Sam who looks like she wants to rip Cam’s balls off, to be honest.
Coco corrects herself and then talk turns to her “relationship” with Cam. She explains that nothing has happened (even though we know something HAS), and Girl Sam says that while she was impressed that Coco spoke to her about it candidly, she wishes she did that before Intimacy Week because she hugged this guy for fifteen minutes and now wants to burn all his belongings in a funeral pyre.
In the end, Coco and Sam write leave. Then it’s Sam and Cam, who obviously write leave. It’s all pretty cut and dry with them.
Tomorrow! New couples! Can’t wait.
