Over to Patrick and Belinda, who are on the outs after an awkward bath together. Something about Patrick tapping her feet together, and her freaking out and getting out of the bath? Anyway he is dealing with his emotions very maturely (not) and sulks in an egg chair while she tries to get him to talk.
She decides there’s only one logical way to get their spark back - by hurling their bodies out of a plane. Yes, really - she segues their fight into skydiving. Because I always throw boyfriends out of planes when I’m annoyed at them. Actually, that’s not a bad idea.
Over to Russell and Beth, who are still not gelling. They’re on a glamping holiday and Beth decides she needs to tell Russell she’s not attracted to him. It goes down like a sack of bricks, obviously.
But she says she hopes she’ll grow to be attracted to him, which literally never happens so these two may as well call time here. But they won’t! Because they must think of the Instagram spon con in their futures if they stay!
It’s time for the first dinner party. Some couples are keen to go flaunt their cute relationships but Sam has flat out said she won’t walk in with Cam… but she also wants Cam to come up to her and talk to her or something? It’s very confusing. Cam’s response is to throw his ring on the floor.
Coco is also nervous about seeing Sam after their hen’s party fandango. Anyway, they all rock up in their various states of good relationship/bad relationship. Bryce tells the boys he slept with Melissa on the first night, but he doesn’t say it in a super grotty way. She doesn’t say it to the girls but she kind of hints at it. I feel like this is going to be a Big Drama but I didn’t get grot vibes from Bryce?
It’s irrelevant because all I care about is Joanne and James, who are the cutest Brady Bunch parents ever and seem to genuinely have a spark.
Sam walks in alone and suddenly Jason and Alana, who were on the rocks after Alana told him he had no personality (shocking that he’s upset about that, huh) realise they aren’t the worst couple and miraculously get over all their shit. The experts are beside themselves with happiness, saying they just needed “perspective”. Apparently this is perspective:
Booka and Brett walk in like the most normal, happiest couple in the entire show. Because they are and will be together forever and if they break up I’ll cry until 2022. Then Bec and Jake arrive and the experts are very off Bec slamming Jake to the girls for going in for a pash, while Jake talks Bec up to the boys. He joins her for a drink and she’s like:
When everyone sits down for dinner, their train wreck of a relationship continues. She brings up the kiss again to Sam, then when Jake comes to sit down she says he’s “getting there” and also tells Sam she didn’t laugh once on the honeymoon. Joanne calls her a bit on her shit, which she doesn’t love, and Jake tells us he feels she’s not giving him a chance.
Then Sam and Cam get into it after someone asks them what’s going on with them. Sam speaks first, telling her side of the story, and you can see Cam’s anger vein pulsing and he does a really good job of keeping his cool because honestly, I would have been screaming in frustration. That being said, both of them are clearly intent on just winning the argument and keep repeating themselves instead of listening with empathy and understanding what each person is saying - Cam in particular needed to listen to Sam and hear that she felt rejected. Obviously, MAFS needs to hire me next year as an expert.
Coco decides this is a stellar time to “clear the air” with Sam. Girl, read the room! It turns out she surprisingly did pick a good time and they patch things up. They then get talking about Boy Sam and his obsession with boobs. In a shocking twist (not) he has decided the girl with the best boobs (according to him, Alana) is the hottest woman in the experiment this year. Honestly, why does this man insist on becoming the Boob Dude?
Meanwhile Cam is talking to everyone BUT Sam about his side of the story, and it really feels like one private convo where he apologises for not talking more candidly sooner about his stance on sex would smooth the waters. But no, let’s talk to everyone else including the mash potato on the table instead of our wife.
Anyway! Tomorrow everyone moves in together and has to sort the other husbands/wives by hotness. Seems like it’ll be total smooth sailing with no crying or smashed wine glasses. None at all.