It’s time for our first Married At First Sight commitment ceremony, everyone! This year, MAFS did things differently, getting everyone into forced co-habitation so they’d all lose their minds and yell at each other on the commitment couch. Genius, really.
First, everyone convenes and splits off into husbands and wives to write down their decision and stare a lot at the brick walls. Mainly we’re waiting to see if Bec and Jake can be bothered tolerating each other for another week, if Cam and Sam even remember who the other person is, and if Boy Sam and Coco aren’t going to murder each other on the couch.
Boy Sam says he’s tried to be a super nice guy, and he’s just heaps funnier than Coco actually, and he definitely never made 400 comments about her body.
First on the couch is Belinda and Patrick. They’re loved up and going well, and both write stay. Then Russell and Beth hit the couch, and while things have been bad with them, it’s more just that they’ve become friends-only, not at loggerheads. Russell, interestingly, wants to leave because he feels there’s nowhere for their relationship to develop. But Beth writes stay, because she “wants to give the experiment her all” which probably translates to “I want to get a bit more TV famous before I quit the show”.
Then it’s Bec and Jake. It’s rough – Jake tells us that not only did Bec call him “boring” (she says they have…. Different definitions of boring?? How?) but she also said he “sucked the life out of her”. Booka says it for all of us when she puts her head in her hands and whispers “oh god”. It’s BAD. Bec seems to think these are totally fine and normal things to say to your spouse, or any human being really!
In the end, John gives her the hard word and says if she keeps up the wall, she’ll meet a guy who will treat her badly. I would think she wouldn’t meet ANY guy but ok, John. Anyway, Bec takes it in quite well and says she’s trying not to have a wall up. They both write stay.
Next is Booka and Brett, and of COURSE they’re staying. Brett even uses that old Stussy symbol which killed me, hahaha.
Weirdly, Joanne and James are next and Joanne was really like “well, I’ll stay for now and see”. Did I miss something when I was reheating my sad old tomato pasta? When did she stop liking James enough to want to stay 100%?
Bryce and Melissa are next, and while they weirdly, almost psychotically act like they’re the happiest, most perfect couple of all time on the couch at first, the truth spills out when they talk about confession week. It’s very awkward – Bryce’s cheating past, Melissa’s sex with her ex.
By far the worst moment is when Bryce reveals his comments he made to Melissa about her appearance. Booka and Brett are beside themselves with horror that he said he’d walk past Melissa at a bar. The experts can’t believe it. No one can. But strangely, they excitedly say they’re keen to stay – although John does warn Bryce to watch his words in future.
Next it’s Alana and Jason, and Alana says she finds it hard to communicate with him and isn’t sure if he’s ready to be settled down. She says they have amazing sexual chemistry and always have, she’s just worried it doesn’t go deeper. In one of the best MAFS moments, Alana says (when asked about what she likes about Jason) that he always makes her orgasm, and I just think we need to normalise that more on TV, you know? Everyone laughs like she’s said something dirty but it’s pretty cool how Alana just owns it. Yeah, girl.
Then it’s time for Sam and Cam, who are essentially told to move in together in order to repair their relationship, after Sam writes leave while Cam writes stay.
Finally, we get to Sam and Coco. She absolutely gives it to the guy. She outlines all the shit she’s put up with, from his body shaming to the comments about her personality. The whole time, he scoffs and rolls his eyes at her until Mel actually interrupts and asks him if he’s aware about how his body language reads. Bryce even interrupts to tell him what a dick he’s being. It ends up being too much for Sam, who storms off in a huff. Eventually, because he wrote stay while Coco wrote leave, they’re told to just try and build a friendship. Huh, doubt that’ll happen.
Tomorrow night it’s some sort of awful sex-related challenge! Can’t wait.
Melissa Mason is digital editor of marie claire. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram.
