MarieClaire
  • News
  • Fashion
  • Beauty
  • Lifestyle
  • Career
  • Bridal
  • marie hair
  • Gifts
  • The Edit
  • Discount Codes
MarieClaire
  • News
  • Fashion
  • Beauty
  • Lifestyle
  • Career
  • Bridal
  • marie hair
  • Gifts
  • The Edit
  • Discount Codes
Subscribe
  1. Home
  2. Domestic Violence

We’re Never Going To Be Safe, Are We?

The disappearance of Sarah Everard has struck a chord with women everywhere - by Grace Back
  • 12 Mar 2021
We’re Never Going To Be Safe, Are We?

Today, women around the world are grieving. We’re grieving following the story of yet another woman whose life hasn’t just been lost—it’s been violently taken from her. Once again, we’re confronted with violence against women—a woman who could have been any of us.

On March 3, 33-year-old Sarah Everard disappeared after leaving a friend’s house in Clapham, south London. She wasn’t alone in a dark alley. She wasn’t drunk and getting into a stranger’s car. She followed the unspoken rules women are conditioned to believe will keep them safe: she walked the most well lit, busiest route, and even called her partner along the way to check in. 

Women everywhere will know exactly what Sarah was thinking on that walk home. We know why she took the longer route along the well-lit streets, and why she called her partner along the way. She was doing these things because these are the things women do when we walk alone at night. These are the precautions we take, even though it shouldn’t be about precaution, it should be about men simply not raping or murdering women.

Following Sarah’s disappearance, a serving Metropolitan police officer was arrested on suspicion of her murder, with a woman also arrested on suspicion of assisting. 

Police advised women in Clapham to not go out alone so they could be kept safe—a directive that not only comes when walking outside is one of the only forms of freedom (London is, of course, in lockdown), but one that pushes blame onto Sarah—that if she had just stayed home, this wouldn’t have happened. As always, the question being asked is how do women keep themselves safe, rather than how do we stop men from being perpetrators of violence?

sara

Police search for Sarah Everard

Getty Images

This is, of course, commentary we know well. In 2018 when the body of 22-year-old Eurydice Dixon was found in Melbourne's Princes Park after she’d been brutally murdered and raped, Australian police responded by telling women to be “mindful of their surroundings”, to “stay safe” by using “protective strategies.” 

In 2021, ADF General Angus Campbell told first-year cadets to avoid drinking and going out alone if they look "attractive" as a means of protecting themselves, but the issue remains, as long as we continue to believe these are the means of protecting ourselves, those intent on harming us will continue to do so.

What police continually fail to recognise is that women will never truly be safe. These tactics that will supposedly keep us safe, don’t. The conversation we need to have when these acts of violence occur is “how do we stop violence against women?” but every time a woman is raped or murdered, that conversation gets drowned out by men.

For example, when the story prompted an outpouring from women online discussing their own experiences of walking alone at night, the hashtag #NotAllMen began to trend—with men outraged over women telling stories of feeling scared or afraid at night. The thread was filled with phrases of “I’m not the problem” and “only 1 out of 9 are the problem.” 

This defensive stance from men is the problem. Every time women speak up about the systemic issue of violence against women, we’re drowned out by men who want to reaffirm that they are not rapists or murderers. And they’re not—but, as author Emma Burnell put it best in her now-viral Tweet: “We know it’s not all men but we absolutely don’t know which men it is.” 

JavaScript is not available.

We need to collectively start having these conversations without defensiveness or derailment. Men need to listen and learn, step up and take a stand against violence. 

It’s true what they say, if you’ve never had to feel afraid by the simple task of walking home under the dim light of street lamps, looking ahead for escape routes and walking at a slightly quicker pace, all while tiny hairs prickle your body when you see a dark figure in the distance: you’re a man. 

  • News
  • Domestic Violence
Grace Back
Grace Back
Grace Back is a journalist and was formerly the Digital Culture Editor across ELLE and marie claire Australia. When not stuck in a seemingly endless Instagram scroll, you'll find Grace with her head in a good book.

Subscribe to Marie Claire-+ save!

Subscribe to marie claire

Subscribe Now
Subscribe to Marie Claire

Subscribe to Marie Claire-+ save!

Subscribe to marie claire

Subscribe Now
Subscribe to Marie Claire

Recommended to you

MAFS' Aleks and Ivan exchange wedding vows
Watch 4:43

MAFS' Aleks and Ivan exchange wedding vows

{headline}

{headline}

The 9 Best Stretch Mark Creams And Oils You Can Buy In Australia

The 9 Best Stretch Mark Creams And Oils You Can Buy In Australia

Turns Out, America Only Just Discovered The Electric Kettle & The Internet Is Going Wild

Turns Out, America Only Just Discovered The Electric Kettle & The Internet Is Going Wild

Calling All Cousin Greg Enthusiasts: ‘Succession’ Season 4 Has Started Filming

Calling All Cousin Greg Enthusiasts: ‘Succession’ Season 4 Has Started Filming

How The Indie Sleaze Aesthetic Made Its Triumphant Return

How The Indie Sleaze Aesthetic Made Its Triumphant Return

{headline}

{headline}

19 Of Princess Mary's Best Royal Fashion Moments That We'll Never (Ever) Get Sick Of

19 Of Princess Mary's Best Royal Fashion Moments That We'll Never (Ever) Get Sick Of

11 Lush Bed Sheet Brands To Shop In Australia Right Now

11 Lush Bed Sheet Brands To Shop In Australia Right Now

All The Times Celebrities Have Spoken Candidly About Miscarriages

All The Times Celebrities Have Spoken Candidly About Miscarriages

{headline}

{headline}

A New Report Has Proven That Australia’s Gender Pay Gap Is Only Getting Worse For Women

A New Report Has Proven That Australia’s Gender Pay Gap Is Only Getting Worse For Women

Everyone Is Talking About The 10 Second Test That Can Tell How Long You'll Live

Everyone Is Talking About The 10 Second Test That Can Tell How Long You'll Live

16 Celebrities Who Have Opened Up About Having Grey Hair

16 Celebrities Who Have Opened Up About Having Grey Hair

12 Of Sydney's Most Luxurious Facials To Treat Yourself With

12 Of Sydney's Most Luxurious Facials To Treat Yourself With

What To Wear When The Dress Code Says Smart Casual

What To Wear When The Dress Code Says Smart Casual

This Is What Kate Middleton Apparently Carries In Her Handbag

This Is What Kate Middleton Apparently Carries In Her Handbag

Rare Pictures Of Princess Diana Without Her Signature Crop

Rare Pictures Of Princess Diana Without Her Signature Crop

MarieClaire
  • About Us
  • Discount Codes
  • Contact Us
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Privacy Policy
MarieClaire Magazine Subscribe
  • About Us
  • Discount Codes
  • Contact Us
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Privacy Policy

Brands

  • Beauty Crew
  • Home Beautiful
  • Elle
  • Who

Our Network

  • Better Homes and Gardens
  • BHG Shop
  • beautyheaven
  • New Idea food
  • New Idea
  • Girlfriend
  • That’s Life
  • Practical Parenting
  • All Recipes
  • Perth Now
  • The West Australian
  • 7Plus
  • 7mate
  • 7NEWS
  • 7Sport
  • Sunrise
  • Starts at 60
  • Hard to Find
© 2022 Are Media PTY LTD
All products are independently selected, tested or recommended by our team of experts.If you buy something, we may earn an affiliate commission.
Get more from Marie Claire

Magazine Subscription Offer

Subscribe to Marie Claire-+ save!

Shop This Offer
Subscribe to Marie Claire