The Male P-Spot. A dubious online term that is a somewhat-euphemism for prostate stimulation.
The honest word for this is actually ‘anal play’ or ‘anal exploration’, but it’s a topic that is largely stigmatised and often silenced, especially for men.
And as people giving pleasure to men, it’s something we should know and be able to talk openly about. Take a deep breath, because here goes!
What Happened In ‘Sex Education’ With Jackson Marchetti?
It’s a topic we saw highlighted in the most recent season of Sex Education. And warning, spoilers incoming for season 4, episode 2.
In the episode we see Jackson Marchetti, a cisgender heterosexual student at Moordale High, partaking in casual sex with a female partner when she takes an unexpected route in the bedroom. Without consent—which we note is the wrong thing to do—she engages the ‘Male P-Spot’, essentially stimulating the prostate gland by placing a finger up his anus.
Jackson, surprised at the gesture and his enjoyment of it, finishes quickly, but is left confused.
He can’t help but wonder: if he enjoys, quote unquote “bum stuff” then maybe he is queer?
It’s a question many men are concerned about when this new avenue of pleasure reveals itself, and as a woman, you may have had to explain to a man before that enjoying the sensation doesn’t have to impact your sexuality at all. It’s a topic we felt was important to debunk with We-Vibe’s sex and relationships expert, Christine Rafe, so you have the tools to cross that bridge when you come to it.
Why Do Some Men Find ‘Anal Play’ Pleasurable?
“The anus and rectum are a sensitive part of the anatomy for all people,” Rafe explains. “The male anatomy specifically supports internal anal pleasure by stimulation of the prostate, located approximately 4cm inside the rectum so can be reached using a finger or toy.”
“The prostate is made up of muscular tissue and a cluster of nerve endings which promotes increased sensitivity and pleasure.” So yep, it’s actually a simple biological fact that this kind of stimulation can offer major reward.
Should You Ever Just Try It Out On A Partner? If Not, How Should We Talk About It?
No surprises here! Engaging in any kind of bedroom act requires affirmative and enthusiastic consent.
“No matter what you’re wanting to do, it’s essential that you ask and receive a clear verbal yes before you touch anyone anywhere on their body. Many of us haven’t learned how to openly speak about sex and pleasure, but challenging ourselves to have these conversations builds our confidence and language around sex,” explains Rafe.
“The more we can communicate about our pleasure needs (as well as our desires regarding giving pleasure to others), the more we increase our potential for arousal and pleasure. We are responsible for communicating our own pleasure needs and can’t expect a partner to read our mind or know our bodies experience of pleasure.”
In terms of how you can talk about ‘anal play’, Rafe suggests a broader approach. You could try some opening sentences such as: “I would love to explore different types of pleasure with you, is that something you’re open to?”
This allows you to create space in the conversation before diving right in. If they’re keen, you can get into the nitty gritty with something like, “I’m curious about exploring anal pleasure for both of us and think it could be really hot. Is this something you’d be open to talking about?”
Does Liking Anal Pleasure Mean You’re Gay Or Queer?
This is a highly Googled question, FYI, as there are a lot of misguided views around the topic.
Rafe can attest to the resistance of heterosexual men towards anal play. “Research conducted by We-Vibe in 2022 found that 39% of men interviewed had never tried anal play and had no desire to do so. This resistance to explore another route to pleasure is very likely stemmed in traditionally sex-and-pleasure-negative messaging around anal sex and systemic homophobia,’ she says.
“Because of this, many people hold the belief that enjoying anal pleasure means something about your sexuality. The truth is that from an anatomical perspective, male genital anatomy supports internal anal stimulation as a significant contributor to pleasure, and the negative messaging around anal play comes from cultural, religious and homophobic views around sex. Experiencing pleasure anywhere on or in our bodies is not related to our sexual identity or orientation.
“Many men who have explored anal play and anal fingering describe the pleasure and orgasm as a whole-body experience rather than just genital so the question is, why wouldn’t we want more pleasure?”
If anal pleasure isn’t for you, that’s completely fine, but in the same breath, it might be worth not writing it off straight away. Consider if it might be something you could enjoy.
Why Is It Important To Destigmatise Sex Practices That Offer Pleasure?
While there are all sorts of views held about sexual acts like anal play, what those in the sexual wellness community agree on is that more pleasure is a good thing.
“Our bodies are primed to experience pleasure in so many different ways, and particularly areas with higher clusters of nerve endings (such as genitals, anus and buttocks, lips, neck, fingers and hands etc.) have such an incredible potential for pleasure,” explains Rafe.
“Experiencing pleasure (whether sexual or non-sexual) is essential for our mental and physical wellbeing, and therefore it’s so important that we promote routes to pleasure in any way we can in our bodies.
She urges us to remember that “shame-based socially constructed narratives have stigmatised certain body parts where others have not.
“Our genitals have been subject to shame-based messaging where massaging our hands, heads and backs have not, but in reality they are all opportunities for pleasure that are ‘normal’ and can be encouraged and celebrated.”
How To Explore Anal Play For Newbies
If you’re new to the world of anal play, there might be a few things it would be handy to know.
1. The Anus Is Not Self-Lubricating
“If you are incorporating condoms and/or toys in anal play, use a water-based lubricant to avoid potential condom tears and/or degradation of the material of the toy (this is particularly relevant for silicone toys). Add lubricant to the anal area as well as any body parts or toys you are using.”
2. Go Slow
“As with other genital organs such as the penis and clitoris, the more aroused we are, the more engorged the prostate becomes making it easier to locate and stimulate via internal stimulation or even externally by applying pressure and stimulation to the perineum (located between the testicles and anus). There’s no need to go straight for penetrative stimulation and/or for deep penetration, this is something you can build up to if you want.”
3. Get Curious
“Get curious with different types of stimulation including soft strokes, circular motions, pressure as well as using toys to explore vibrations and pulses. The We-Vibe Vector+ is a dual stimulator of the perineum and prostate with various settings and app-control capabilities making it perfect to explore anal pleasure and find what feels best for your body.”
4. Communicate
“If exploring anal play with a partner, communication is key. Check in with one another throughout and don’t be afraid to provide feedback or ask for what you want.”
