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How To Be Alone, But Not Lonely, In Quarantine

Because plans don't have to involve other people - by Danielle Fowler
  • 02 Apr 2020

There's no way of sugar-coating it: the COVID-19 pandemic is having a catastrophic effect on our livelihoods with jobs, family milestones and day-to-day routine under threat. 

Throw in government regulations instructing us to stay home and we're having to adapt to a stranger (and potentially lonelier) world.  

WATCH BELOW: Ellen Degeneres Asks For Jennifer Aniston's Top Self-Isolation Tips

Having arrived back in Sydney just shy of two hours before the Australian borders closed after a brief trip home to the UK, I was ordered to self-isolate for two weeks.

With the office shut for the foreseeable and a knack for working from the kitchen/dining room table/bed, I didn't think I would mind the solitude (I believed I might even relish it) - but going day-after-day without seeing a soul soon took its toll on my mental health.

You'd think that holding everyone's social plans under quarantine would ease the all-too-recognisable tinge of FOMO but it only struck harder with friends showcasing their freshly-baked banana bread on Instagram whilst isolating families whipped out old fashioned board games to pass the time.

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It's important to highlight that not everyone is thriving (let alone, enjoying) isolation. The reality is that many of us are far from home, bunking with housemates or obeying social distancing laws without a pal to turn to.

"There are many Australians who are already suffering from loneliness and self-isolation so the pandemic will only compound that," Nick Tebbey, National Executive Officer for mental health organisation Relationships Australia, told marie claire.

"When you combine the requirements with the uncertainly around how long this will last for and whether or not we've seen the most stringent of requirements yet, there is an awful lot of stress and anxiety.

We will definitely see consequences to people's mental health and wellbeing as a result of that." 

So with our 'old lives' dangling frighteningly out of reach for an unimaginable timeframe, how can we navigate the blurred line between loneliness and solitude?

Follow a daily routine

It's all too tempting to bury our head beneath the covers after a quick scroll of the morning headlines but creating a daily routine (and getting dressed) will trick your brain into thinking it's just another day.

"We might not be able to control what's happening outside but we can control what's happening in our house," Tebbey stresses.

"Plan to get up at a certain time and maybe incorporate some exercise into your schedule before work. A daily routine makes it easier to cope with all of the uncertainty that's surrounding us." 

camillecharriere View Profile
likes - View Post on Instagram
Found this very wet and battered copy of lena dunham's memoir 'Not that kind of girl' on a shelf out here and haven't been able to put it down. Do we need a virtual book club? Nothing to kill time better than losing yourself in the pages of a great story.

Make solo plans

We're all craving the simple pleasures we once took for granted from shovelling popcorn at the local cinema to signing up to a packed pilates class filled with sweaty, happy strangers. 

But solitude doesn't have to equal loneliness - something London-based journalist, Francesca Specter, knows all about.

After discovering there wasn't a word to describe "celebrating and valuing the time you spend alone", she came up with one: alonement. 

"Plans don't have to involve other people," Specter, who founded the Alonement podcast, told marie claire. "Calendarise solo time - even if it's just a movie night in or doing a yoga video - so you have something to look forward to." 

Look after yourself

Even if you're confined to your house and are heavily relying on the goodwill of neighbours, you don't need much to feel a whole lot better - whether that means reading book-after-book in a bubble bath, taking a breather from the news or buying yourself some flowers.

"Practice simple self care - a cleaning regime, washing your hair regularly or making sure you go to bed at a reasonable time," Specter advises.

"Little things go a long way at keeping your attitude positive and staying mentally resilient."     

leandramcohen View Profile
17.1k likes - View Post on Instagram
Thank God flowers still bloom

Connect on a digital level 

In recent weeks, we've seen the true power of social media play out with friends and families staying connected more than ever before all thanks to apps including Houseparty and Zoom.

Whether it's a dinner date over FaceTime or a wine-fuelled quiz night on Facebook, seeing friends' pixelated faces is sure to help you distinguish the difference between Monday and Friday.

"We have amazing technology at our fingertips now and we're starting to see this incredible trend of people talking with friends more than they ever used to," says Tebbey. 

"We have people hosting dinners over Skype, tagging along to trivia events being run on Instagram Live... it's amazing what social media has to offer in times like this. Everybody needs to make their own judgement on what they want and need during quarantine - it's ok to ask for help."

RELATED: How To Socialise At Home

Keep a quarantine diary

One of the simplest but most effective ways to boost your mood is to practice gratitude every morning whether it's giving thanks for the care package a friend left on your doorstep or taking a moment to appreciate the fact the sun is shining. 

"Use this time to get more in tune with your emotions," says Specter. "Writing a diary every day helps you to connect with your inner voice and can tackle any negative thought patterns."

alonementofficial View Profile
18 likes - View Post on Instagram
Very much enjoying @fionaleahydesign's place settings for one right now. Dining alone should never mean dining badly - especially if you're doing it for the next few weeks 😉 . . . . . #tablescapes #tableforone #eatingalone #diningalone #solodining #lunch #sundaylunch #instadaily #inspiration #yellow #candles #tablesetting #alonement #alonenotlonely

Give your loved ones a call 

Sometimes reaching out to others is one of the easiest ways to feel good and serves as a reminder that the coronavirus pandemic bears no boundaries and has impacted us all, no matter who we are or where we come from.

"There's a real vulnerability out there that we need to be aware of and it's really beholden of us all to be aware that not everyone is as tech-savvy as us whether it's elderly neighbours or grandparents," Tebby adds.  

"It's not difficult to pick up some groceries for someone who can't get out for themselves," he continues. "Reaching out, connecting and looking out for those around us is what we need to be doing at the moment because we're all in this together."

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Danielle Fowler
Danielle Fowler is a contributor at marie claire Australia.

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