In the modern world, where we are constantly just a click away from a potential new romance, the idea of a relationship is rushed and convenient in a way it has never been before. We're always told to 'follow our gut' or let our inner voice tell us if a relationship seems like the right fir or not. But, for some people that instinct is just not there. If you've ever found yourself wondering what it means to be demisexual, and whether or not the term applies to you, continue reading on for everything you need to know.
Demisexuality is just one of many shades on the scale of asexuality or grey-a scale, but put into simple terms, demisexual people have difficulty in feeling sexual attraction to someone you're not friends with first. According to asexuality.org, the term demisexual means:
"A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It's more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships. Nevertheless, this term does not mean that demisexuals have an incomplete or half-sexuality, nor does it mean that sexual attraction without emotional connection is required for a complete sexuality. In general, demisexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender; however, when a demisexual is emotionally connected to someone else (whether the feelings are romantic love or deep friendship), the demisexual experiences sexual attraction and desire, but only towards the specific partner or partners."
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Figuring out if your sexual orientation is demisexual has become increasingly difficult in recent years. The way most relationships begin these days, there is very rarely the sole intention to become friends, meaning no emotional bond is made.
Here are 5 signs you may be demisexual.
Looks are mostly irrelevant.
Plenty of us swipe right these days based solely on an attractive photo before even reading a profile. But for demisexual people, physical appearance is a non-factor. Demisexuals find a romantic attraction to personalities over faces and are more interested in creating authentic connections based on similar interests above all else.
Most of your relationships start out as friendships.
Getting to know a potential partner as a friend is a huge factor in building a physical attraction for demisexuals, which is why many often find themselves developing a secondary sexual attraction to close friends.
You enjoy sex, but it’s not your top priority.
Demisexuals do have a sex drive, however for most sexual desire is not on the top of the list of priorities. The physical act holds significantly less importance than, say, emotional intimacy.
First dates are a huge deal for you.
First dates can be important for anyone, but for those who identify as demisexual, they're hugely important. If you're demisexual, you're probably wanting to find a strong emotional bond.
You've probably been called "old-fashioned"
If you've ever heard the word "old-fashioned" when it comes to your sexual activity, it could be because of your demisexuality. Demisexuals, as previously stated, don't have the need for sexual partners or one-night stands, and are instead looking to find a strong emotional attachment instead.
If you're still looking for more information on the asexual spectrum and demisexuality, visit the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. AVEN hosts the world's largest online asexual community as well as a large archive of resources on asexuality, creating an open, honest discussion about asexuality among sexual and asexual people alike.