16 Thoughts My Boyfriend Had Watching ‘The Bachelor’ For The First Time

"Wait, where's pool girl?"

The premiere of The Bachelor 2018 was everything we had hoped for and more: there were laughs (far more this season than last, sorry Matty J), a few crazy moments (Cass, we all know you don’t share whose name you wrote in your diary) and some definite chemistry (Brooke Badger, anyone?)

While I was minding my own business watching the show (AKA telling my boyfriend to shut up and sit down or get out of the room), I noticed my usually completely disinterested partner start to pipe up with more commentary than Osher Gunsberg.

Here, 16 things he said while watching episode one of The Bachelor Australia. 

When Nick took Shannon for a walk:

“Her heels are going to get stuck in the grass” – strangely observational for someone who has never, that I know of, worn heels

When Dasha started doing sit-ups with her legs around Nick’s head:

“Impressive, but I’d run, mate”

At various times during the episode:

“Wow, some girls are so crazy”

About Brooke:

“I like that little rugby one”

A strange observation: 

“Gosh, a lot of girls look like owls”

About Cass:

“Oh yep, she’s crazy send her home”

Then this: 

“Oh, you gotta send her home mate, she’s already got feelings, you’re just going to hurt her even more”

About the rose ceremony:

“This is the good part”

During the rose ceremony:

“Cass is getting sweaty”

Not sure who he was talking about:

“What’s wrong with that girl?”

After Cass gets a rose:

“I think he chose her because he was scared”

Still on Cass:

“She thinks she’s won now, look at her”


Some guesswork: 

“Sunshine’s going home”

A good question:

Wait, where’s pool girl?????”

The final rose:


And the credits roll:

*Silence* and then, “that’s great.”

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