Em Rusciano has announced she will be taking a leave of absence from radio to deal with the “dark cloud” of her miscarriage.
“I was supposed to give birth tomorrow,” she told listeners on Wednesday. “And I wasn’t really sure, and this was another thing, when you lose a baby – and I lost my baby at 14 weeks – no-one really tells you what to do when the due date comes around.”
The 38-year-old explained that she was still grieving over her unborn son, after losing him a few days shy of the 13-week mark.
“There’s no manual,” she said of commemorating his honour. “I was just going to try and power through it [but] it’s been looming on the horizon like a dark cloud. And I didn’t think I could probably get on air and do three hours.”
“I don’t know what to do with myself,” the former Australian Idol star continued. “I just don’t feel like being funny. It’s really hard. This whole week’s been really hard.”
Em is expecting to spend the next few days at home with friends and family by her side drinking gin and watching trashy movies. A Barbara Streisand sing-a-long with her bestie is also on the cards.
“I think it’s really important that I keep talking about,” she said. “I don’t want to – every instinct in me is to shut up, make jokes and power on. But I’ve realised through this ordeal that one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage… and women carry this pain and a gaping hole in them.”
“But we’re expected just to power on and get over it. And that’s been said to be a few times – ‘just get over it’ – but you don’t get to tell people how to process grief.”
“I just want to let any woman know who’s listening… I don’t know how you did it. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. This week’s been hard.”
Since the mum-of-two’s heartbreaking admission, fans have flooded her social media accounts with their words of support.
“Just want to say thank you for talking about such important issues for women,” one follower commented.
Another added: “Em, I’m so sorry for your loss… Lots of love x.”
Em first revealed that she had suffered a miscarriage in May, adding that she and her husband Scott Barrow had named the baby Ray Valentino.
This article originally appeared on Women's Health Australia.