1. "Twitter seems like a busman’s holiday: just more writing. I have no plans to do it. I’ll just stick with my 24/7 webcam. I’m old-fashioned that way."
2. "Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we’re like Oprah and Gale. Only we’re not denying anything."
3. "An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women's Affairs. Man, who'd she have to show here ankles to to get that job?"
4. "I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing."
5. "A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I'm on my game."
6. “If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?”
7. “To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.”
8. “[T]he definition of 'crazy' in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to fuck her anymore.”
9. “Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.”