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5 Ways To Love Exercise

It can be done!

Quit-proof tricks (backed by science) to boost your motivation.

Agree on an instant reward for yourself


Imagine youโ€™re at work, battling the report that wonโ€™t die. โ€œWhat would motivate you more: your boss promising you a one per cent pay rise some time in 2015, or saying you can take Friday off?โ€ asks sports performance coach Dr Stephen Simpson. โ€œBecause you instantly visualise what youโ€™d do on Friday, thatโ€™s enough to make the report as good as done.โ€ Plan a similar motivational โ€œcarrotโ€ for straight after a workout.

Do this quick test


How many push-ups can you do in 60 seconds? โ€œIt takes three weeks for your body to respond to a change in exercise and nutrition,โ€ says health coach Ben Camara. โ€œSo every three weeks write down how many you can do and in what position. This way you can really track your progress.โ€

Wear a heart rate monitor


To get the most from exercise, you want your heart rate to reach 75 per cent of its maximum. A heart rate monitor is like having an army drill sergeant on your wrist, pushing you on. โ€œFirst, calculate your maximum heart rate [HRmax] with this formula: HRmax = 220 minus your age. [So, if youโ€™re 28, your HRmax is 192],โ€ explains Camara. โ€œWhen working out, aim for 75-80 per cent of your HRmax. As you get fitter, it takes more work to get to that point, which is exactly what you need to keep improving.โ€

Leave your phone in the locker


Camara has a strict no-phone policy, for one reason: โ€œIf you have time to check Facebook, youโ€™re not working out hard enough.โ€ So with no phone, how do we stop clock watching? โ€œI tell clients to think of the following in a cycle: their posture, their technique, their goal (eg: wearing that
bikini) and how great theyโ€™ll feel afterwards. It gets them through.โ€

Train first thing


If youโ€™re feeling motivationally challenged, Camara advises blitzing it before work. โ€œStudies show morning exercise leads to healthier food choices throughout the day, and thereโ€™s the psychological boost. Post exercise, your body does its own second workout repairing small muscle tears, which burns kilojoules. Knowing that this is happening as you sit at your desk is far more motivating than a couple of smug hours before you go to bed,โ€ he says. So youโ€™re more likely to go again.

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5 Ways To Feel More Confident

Because everyone needs a bit of a confidence boost sometimes!

Five tips to help you start feeling more confident, starting right now.

  1. Fail fast. Dipping your toe in โ€œfailure watersโ€ and learning to fail โ€“ if only in fast, little, bite-size ways โ€“ is how we learn. โ€œLittle failures are part of success,โ€ says Shipman.
  1. Leave the comfort zone. Taking action, especially when action is risky, builds confidence. You can start small โ€“ anything is better than inaction.
  1. Stop ruminating. Dwelling on the negative and nightmare scenarios is the fastest way to undermine self-confidence. Although you might not be able to always eliminate NATs (Negative Automatic Thoughts), you can begin by acknowledging them. โ€œIt may sound tedious, but keep a journal and write them down,โ€ propose the authors. โ€œThe most effective and surprisingly easy fix is to look for an alternative point of view. Just one different interpretation can open the door for confidence.โ€
  1. Learn to own your triumphs. Stop attributing achievements to chance, and learn to accept compliments. โ€œWhen praised, reply: โ€˜Thank you, I appreciate that.โ€™ Itโ€™s surprising how powerful saying those five words will feel,โ€ say Shipman and Kay.
  1. Meditate. โ€œA calm brain is the ultimate confidence tool,โ€ explain the authors. A brain on meditation is literally rewired. โ€œYour fear centre, the amygdala, shrinks. You have an increased ability to control your emotions and to be clear, and calm, about your goals.โ€

Taken from The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance โ€“ What Women Should Know by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman.

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How To Become A Morning Person

Because you can learn

What do Michelle Obama, Anna Wintour and Arianna Huffington have in common?

Theyโ€™re all early risers!

And it looks like theyโ€™re onto somethingโ€ฆ A good morning routine may be the secret to success and happiness.

If youโ€™d like to be a morning person โ€“ but need a little help getting out of bed โ€“ try these 5 easy steps:

  1. THANK YOUR BED

While the science is out on the effectiveness of the daily affirmations that have made self-help gurus like Louise Hay famous, there is one morning mantra that the studies support: gratitude. Start by saying thanks to your pillow for the zzzโ€™s, and list off a few other things that you are grateful for.

RELATED: How Tired Is Too Tired?

  1. SORT OUT YOUR INSIDES

Before you ingest your preferred heart-starter, take a moment to alkalise your system. Some naturopaths believe that our modern diet and lifestyle creates too much acidity in our system. Fresh lemon juice in warm water or raw apple cider vinegar (taken as a shot or mixed in warm water) will set you up for the day.

  1. WORK UP A SWEAT

No time to exercise? Sorry, but you have seven minutes. Interval training is the excuse proof sweat-fest that can be done in your bedroom; studies show that you donโ€™t even need to crack the 10-minute mark to bring more benefits to your lymphatic system than a lifetime of dry body brushing.

RELATED: โ€œI Worked Out Like A Supermodel For A Weekโ€

  1. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER

Your Nespresso might be calling, but we have an additional cure for that vague pinot pain. Oil pulling is an Ayurvedic practice that involves swishing oil in the mouth for about 20 minutes. Anecdotally (from 5000 years or so of Ayurvedic practice), you can expect whiter teeth, better breath, and healthier gums, plus itโ€™s meant to cure a hangover. Choose sesame or coconut oil for their antibacterial properties. Do it after waking โ€“ even for five minutes while you shower.

  1. DO A LITTLE SWEEPING

Writer/filmmaker Julia Cameron came up with a brilliant brain sweeper called โ€œMorning Pagesโ€. As soon as you wake, take three A4 pieces of paper and a pen, then just write until youโ€™ve filled the pages. Be it banal, repetitive, juvenile, whatever. Itโ€™s like throwing the doors open on the mind, tossing out niggling thoughts and โ€“ maybe โ€“ finding some lost nugget of gold. Repeat each morning for as long as you find a benefit.

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Could You Be Lacking Vitamin D?

It seems that by shunning the sun, we're putting ourselves at risk of vitamin D deficiency. So, is there a safe middle ground?

As she slathered on sunscreen every morning before leaving home, Robyn Hynes felt totally confident she was protecting her fair skin and future health. โ€œI burn easily, so from childhood Iโ€™ve stuck to those messages weโ€™ve all had drummed into us about staying out of the sun and wearing sunscreen to prevent exposure to damaging UV light,โ€ says the 30-year-old graphic artist from Sydney. Hynes had seen the sobering, scary ads about sunbaking causing melanoma and didnโ€™t want to become another cancer statistic. โ€œTheir message is very clear โ€“ the sun is bad for you โ€“ so the less exposure the better. I lived by that and had absolutely no idea that not getting enough sun could be putting my health at risk.โ€

Her wake-up call came in 2012 when Hynes was eight weeks pregnant and a routine blood test showed that although she felt fine, her vitamin D level was severely low. โ€œMy doctor was so concerned she told me to start taking vitamin D supplements that day,โ€ recalls Hynes. โ€œWhen she explained that my deficiency could be damaging my bones and the skeleton of my unborn child, I felt sick with concern that it may have harmed my baby. Itโ€™s been a continuous worry throughout my pregnancy.โ€

Like millions of Australians, Hynes had slavishly followed the directions of the public health campaigns, which told her that staying out of the sun was best. โ€œSo I was shocked to Google the topic and read about all this evidence that lack of sunshine and vitamin D may have been increasing my risk of many serious diseases like cancer,โ€ she says. โ€œWhy isnโ€™t our government doing more to get that message out? If I hadnโ€™t started a family Iโ€™d never have known my lack of sun was damaging my health.โ€

Vitamin D is a fat-soluble vitamin crucial to preventing soft bones (called rickets in children and osteomalacia in adults). While foods like oily fish, eggs, margarine and milk provide a dollop of your daily vitamin D, 90 per cent of it is made in your skin. When the sunโ€™s UV rays strike your skin they react with a compound called 7-dehydrocholesterol, a โ€œcousinโ€ of healthy cholesterol, which becomes activated and helps your body produce vitamin D. As well as entering your bloodstream, vitamin D enters your gut, where it absorbs the bone-building minerals calcium and phosphate.

Vitamin D deficiency is on the rise in Australia, and statistics show that low vitamin D levels are no longer simply a risk for people who have dark skin, cover up for cultural reasons or are bed-bound, such as the elderly in care.

A University of Sydney study of about 24,000 people revealed that 58 per cent are vitamin D deficient. Unsurprisingly, people living in the city are often lower in vitamin D, most likely because of the daily indoor shuffle from home to office, then to a cafe or shopping mall for lunch, with minimal exposure to the sun.

โ€œOur research shows that women in general are at higher risk, including young women in their 20s and 30s,โ€ says Professor Steven Boyages, an endocrinologist at Sydneyโ€™s Westmead Hospital and clinical professor at The University of Sydneyโ€™s Medical School. โ€œWe think this is because they have taken those sun-protection messages onboard.โ€

In a sunburnt country like Australia, it seems bizarre that so many of us have an ailment related to sun deficiency. Although traditional sun worshippers, Australians started to pack away the baby oil once they became โ€œSunSmartโ€ in 1981, courtesy of a campaign starring Sid the Seagull who ordered us to โ€œslip on a shirt, slop on sunscreen and slap on a hatโ€, and not to โ€œsizzle like a sausageโ€ because โ€œskin cancer isnโ€™t so hotโ€.

In subsequent decades, sunshine has undergone some deservedly bad press. Itโ€™s been blamed for melanomas and other skin cancers, and cataracts that compromise eyesight, as well as the photo-damage that leads to skin ageing. Its role in these conditions is undeniable and needs to be taken seriously. But has the message swung so far in the opposite direction that shunning the sun is leading us into a vitamin D deficiency danger zone? Apart from causing osteoporosis, a lack of vitamin D has been linked to life-threatening diseases, such as cancer, heart disease and diabetes. โ€œWe now know from studies that vitamin D deficiency is linked to cancer of the prostate, breast and, in particular, to bowel cancer โ€“ though itโ€™s not yet clear why,โ€ says Professor Ian Olver, CEO of Cancer Council Australia.

Meanwhile, new research continues to unveil a rollcall of benefits for the underrated vitamin. Studies reveal that adequate or higher levels of vitamin D help the immune system fight illness and viruses like the common cold more effectively, improve lung function in people with asthma and help protect against stroke and depression.

โ€œMounting evidence shows that vitamin D has protective effects against many health conditions, including cardiovascular disease and autoimmune diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis, multiple sclerosis and type 1 diabetes,โ€ says Professor Bruce Armstrong, chair of the NSW Skin Cancer Prevention Advisory Committee and professor of public health at University of Sydney.

The National Health and Medical Research Council is tracking studies on whether boosting vitamin D levels can decrease dementia in the elderly, cut diabetes risk in susceptible children and lower schizophrenia risk, now thought to be linked to inadequate levels of vitamin D in pregnant women. (A 2011 study at Westmead Hospital found that 40 per cent of a group of pregnant women with gestational diabetes were found to be vitamin D deficient.)

One of the issues with vitamin D deficiency is there are no obvious signs to look out for. This was the case for Sydney psychologist Danielle Byers, 36. When her once silky hair became brittle and started falling out in clumps in July 2010, she initially blamed stress from working long hours. โ€œBut after a year I suspected something else was not right because I was chronically exhausted,โ€ she recalls. โ€œGetting through the day felt like a marathon, even though I was eating a good diet and exercising. I was also taking much longer to recover from colds and scratches on my skin โ€“ so my immunity was clearly low.โ€

Byers had a blood test, which showed she was severely vitamin D deficient. Her problem? Skimping on sun. For years sheโ€™d been leaving for work and getting home in the dark, wearing sunblock every day and rarely getting out at lunchtime. โ€œIโ€™d thought avoiding the sun was good practice,โ€ she says. โ€œI had no idea that not getting enough UV could make me unwell. Now that supplements have increased my vitamin D levels, I feel back to my old energetic, happy self. Iโ€™m now on a mission to tell every woman I know how important it is that they enjoy a little daily sun exposure.โ€

So are supplements the answer? Though a quick way to boost levels, they should be used with caution. โ€œVitamin D from supplements appears to be as effective as vitamin D from the sun,โ€ says Professor Armstrong.

โ€œHowever, your body switches on an internal control to ensure you donโ€™t get too much vitamin D from the sun and with supplements this control doesnโ€™t work. This does create a risk, though low, of getting too much vitamin D through overuse of supplements. In excess, vitamin D can cause complications ranging from vomiting to serious issues like kidney problems and high blood pressure.โ€

It also lasts half the time in the body as does vitamin D from the sun, according to Dr Michael Holick, author of The Vitamin D Solution (Scribe, $35).

Clearly, the sun needs a new PR spin to spread the word about its benefits. That doesnโ€™t mean you should don your bikini and head surfside all weekend. Sun exposure is still regarded as the biggest cause of skin cancer, which will affect two in three Australians by age 70.โ€ก โ€œWe need to be extremely careful that years of sun-protection campaigns are not undermined by confusion about sun exposure and vitamin D,โ€ says Dr Pip Youl, head of programs and research at the Cancer Council Queensland.

โ€œWe did a survey which showed that nearly one third of Australians already mistakenly believe a fair-skinned adult requires at least 30 minutes of unprotected sun exposure each day in summer to maintain vitamin D levels.โ€

What no expert denies is that a short sunbath should be as much a part of your daily routine as brushing your teeth. โ€œWeโ€™ve done a great job educating people about reducing sun damage; now we need to ensure people know the importance of a little sun for optimal health,โ€ says Professor Olver. The take-home point is simple โ€“ aim for between six and 10 minutes of daily sun in summer and 20 minutes in winter. To produce enough vitamin D, this sunlight should be directly felt on face, arms and hands or the equivalent area of skin, without sunblock.

โ€œHowever, sun exposure should come outside peak UV times in the morning, before 11am, or the afternoon, after 2pm, when the sun is not at its hottest,โ€ warns Professor Olver.

According to Professor Rebecca Mason, deputy director of the Bosch Institute at the University of Sydney: โ€œShort sun exposures, preferably on as much area of skin as possible, are much more efficient [than longer ones] for making vitamin D.โ€ Hereโ€™s why: your skin can repair small amounts of sun damage far more effectively than it can repair damage from longer periods spent tanningโ€œIf you have fair skin, once your exposure goes longer than 10 minutes or so on a hot day, your body starts to break down the vitamin D you have produced in order to protect your skin,โ€ explains Professor Mason. โ€œStay too long and you risk depleting the very vitamin D that the sun just helped your body make.โ€

Paradoxically, studies have linked low levels of vitamin D to melanoma. However, this is not an open and shut case. โ€œAlthough vitamin D may help the body better combat cancer when people develop it, there is no doubt that the sun contributes to the development of skin cancers โ€“ so again the message needs to be about short, balanced exposure being of benefit, and sunburn and suntans being avoided,โ€ states Mason. 


Whatโ€™s amply clear is weโ€™ll be hearing much more about vitamin D in the future. โ€œExactly how it does all the important work in our body that protects against disease is still in part a medical mystery,โ€ says Professor Arm-strong. โ€œWe are trying to unravel it.โ€

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Is Part-Time Work Killing Your Career?

Over half the Australian workforce believe part time work hinders career progression but, done right, reduced hours doesnโ€™t have to mean less success.

Part time = only partly ambitious, right?

Traditionally part time jobs have long been associated with low pay, low status and a lack of commitment.

But that hasnโ€™t stopped more Australians opting to work fewer hours, whether through choice or circumstance โ€“ and in fact 1.1 million of us want to switch to part time work before we retire. So, does dropping the number of hours you work mean the end of your career? Absolutely not.

Be aware


โ€œYou canโ€™t change someoneโ€™s mindset if they resent your part time role,โ€ says career strategist Kelly Magowan, also a part time career coach (kellymagowan.com). โ€œBut be mindful youโ€™re not impacting on their workload.โ€ Plan your time so you donโ€™t have to rely on co-workers to complete tasks.โ€

Be visible


โ€œPromote your achievements at work, attend meetings and contribute in them, email interesting industry information to your colleagues,โ€ says author Karen Miles (karenmiles.com.au). โ€œThis all maintains your visibility and your continuity with work and clients.โ€

Define your role


โ€œPart time employees need to step back from a full time role perspective. Be clear about which of the activities you do that add the most value to the organisation and your own personal development,โ€ says Lynn Kraus, Ernst & Youngโ€™s Managing Partner Sydney, who got her first senior leadership role as a part timer.

Go the extra mile


โ€œStay in contact with colleagues,โ€ says Magowan. โ€œIt might take 60 seconds to call after a meeting you missed on a day off, but the payback will be far greater.โ€ That doesnโ€™t mean being available at every hour of every day, particularly on your day off โ€“ but itโ€™s worth staying on top of key events and meetings.

Be a self promoter


Meet your manager regularly to showcase your achievements and let them know youโ€™re keen to progress. If youโ€™re not great at promoting yourself Magowan recommends teaming up with an equally humble co-worker. โ€œGet a wing man โ€“ suggest you work together to promote each othersโ€™ achievements in the office and at functions. Itโ€™s often easier to talk up someone other than yourself.โ€

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How To Work With Mean Girls

Do you work with someone who thinks they're Queen Bee? Here's how to take the sting out of her tail.

Is there a particular person at work who just gets to you? Does she undermine you, belittle your achievements in front of colleagues or take credit thatโ€™s due to you?

Psychologist Meredith Fuller wrote her book Working With Mean Girls, after noticing an increasing number of her female clients coming to her after being bullied or โ€œbitched atโ€ by other women at work. If youโ€™re working with a mean girl whoโ€™s getting you down, follow Fullerโ€™s four-step plan before you think about walking out the door.

 โ€œTake steps to see if you can identify a pattern of behaviour by the other woman,โ€ advises Fuller, who says to take notes of particularly nasty comments or actions by her that leave you feeling uncomfortable or victimised. Also, ask others whom you trust if theyโ€™ve noticed anything odd about the other womanโ€™s behaviour towards you.

Decide the direction you want to take with your mean girl, offers Fuller. โ€œIf you are uncomfortable with โ€˜callingโ€™ her on her activities, or suspect that confrontation may leave blood on the wall, it may be wiser to develop strategies to deflect her.โ€ Fuller says to minimise the time youโ€™re alone with her and be ready with responses if she comes at with you with more criticism.

If none of your tactics are working, it might be time to get serious and get some help, suggests Fuller. โ€œResearch the range of resources and support available โ€“ HR, organisational policy, protocols and procedures,โ€ she says. Ask friends what they would do, or have done, in this kind of situation to see what might work for you, and ask a trusted colleague or mentor for advice.

โ€œIf youโ€™ve exhausted all the possibilities for harm minimisation, and you recognise that your health is being affected [like stress, illness], you might consider a transfer, job change, or sabbatical,โ€ advises Fuller. This might feel extreme, but remember, life is short and we spend the majority of ours at work. So if youโ€™re not feeling happy, fulfilled and supported, start looking for a place where youโ€™ll be appreciated.

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How To Handle Workplace Conflict

Office life can be full of awkward moments when you clash with your colleagues.

Hereโ€™s how to tackle those tricky situations.

THE CLASH: The boss asks you to stay late โ€ฆ again.
Itโ€™s never too late to set boundaries, notes career coach Fiona Craig. โ€œExplain that while youโ€™ve willingly stayed late previously, tonight you must leave on time. Ask what needs to be done and suggest you prioritise it tomorrow. Your tone and language are crucial โ€“ be firm, donโ€™t ask questions and ensure language is positive but emphatic.โ€

 

THE CLASH: Your manager delegates, but doesnโ€™t pull their own weight.
Focus on what you can control, advises career consultant Caroline De Kimpe. Sometimes we have to put up with the bossโ€™s actions, but make sure itโ€™s known if your workload is increasing. โ€œConnect and network with senior managers โ€“ they will notice your contribution and achievements,โ€ she says.

 

THE CLASH: A co-worker takes credit for your ideas.
โ€œTalk with your colleague to find out what happened โ€“ it may be an oversight. If it continues, raise it with your manager,โ€ says Craig. If itโ€™s the boss whoโ€™s the culprit, ask them, โ€œHow can I get credit for the work I did on that project?โ€ In the future, share your ideas with a wider group so youโ€™re recognised as the source.

 

THE CLASH: A colleagueโ€™s emotional life prevents you from getting work done.
โ€œSet a specific time to talk about your colleagueโ€™s problem โ€“ this gives them a sense you care,โ€ advises De Kimpe. โ€œChances are, by the time you scheduled, the moment has passed.โ€ Next time they approach you be ready with: โ€œI understand this is difficult and Iโ€™d really like to be there for you. Would it be OK to talk at 4pm?โ€

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How To Get A Promotion

It's time for your promotion!

Director of her own public relations agency, Dani Lombard reveals how to get ahead at work.

Communicate clearly


Chasing that next promotion? Be sure youโ€™re dotting your iโ€™s and crossing your tโ€™s โ€“ literally. Start paying more attention to the way you communicate through the written word and avoid silly grammatical mistakes and punctuation errors. Nothing can damage your reputation more than sloppy communication and your boss, clients and colleagues could view this as a reflection of your overall standards.

Influence the influencers


The best publicity you can generate comes via word of mouth, and thereโ€™s nothing better than your boss hearing about what an awesome job youโ€™re doing from someone else. And, while your boss might be the decision maker, think about who influences them. Donโ€™t get stuck trying to impress just one individual who holds the key to your next promotion. Also, take time to go that extra mile and add value wherever you can for those around you.

Manage your reputation


There are no secrets on social media, and one compromising photo or cheeky comment could be enough to unravel all your hard work in the office. While your social media accounts might feel like your โ€œprivateโ€ life, donโ€™t take any chances. Right or wrong, itโ€™s not uncommon for employers to look up potential candidates on social media to find out more about them. If your work day and weekend personaโ€™s are polar opposites, that next big perk could go to someone with a squeakier image.

Crisis management


We all make mistakes. If youโ€™ve made one at work, how you deal with it will say a lot about your character. Put your hand up, take ownership and suggest a plan to rectify it. Act quickly and decisively to minimise damage. Youโ€™ll earn a lot more respect than trying to cover it up, make excuses or point fingers.

Raise your profile


It can be easy to get lost in the crowd especially in larger organisations. Make yourself memorable and youโ€™re more likely to be top of mind when itโ€™s time to select the team to go on the big annual conference. Contribute an article to an industry publication, website or blog that is widely read at work. With your companyโ€™s permission, you can even ensure your byline includes your place of work, raising your companyโ€™s profile and earning you some serious brownie points.

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How To Get A Leadership Role At Work

Position yourself within your company to win that next-level leadership role.

Youโ€™ve done your desk duty and youโ€™re ready for the next big career move. While putting in the hard work while meeting deadlines, delegating effectively and taking on bigger and richer assignments demonstrates a determined work ethic, there are several other not-so-obvious strategies you can put in place in order to secure promotion into leadership roles. Hereโ€™s your five-point practical plan for leadership success:

Work your digital rep


โ€œWhen I was in jobseeker mode, I actively contributed to online groups in my career sector and shared articles from business heads I admired,โ€ says Victoria, 35, a vice-president at an environmental research company who recognised the power of promoting herself as a โ€œthought leaderโ€, or expert in her field. โ€œI also suggested to prospective employers that they view my recommendations on LinkedIn in lieu of written references. By paying for premium access I could see who was viewing my page and then directly follow up with them.โ€

Victoriaโ€™s online dedication paid off, and she was approached by her current employer about a job that was yet to be advertised. Why? Because of her dense online profile, sheโ€™d effectively already made it halfway through the interview process.

Sally-Anne Blanshard, director of Nourish coaching consultancy, says online recruiters are always snooping around social sites, so make them work for you โ€“ recommendations in particular are a hit with future bosses.

โ€œIf someone you worked with is saying, โ€˜I love what you did with this project, thank you so much,โ€™ let them know youโ€™re building your digital footprint and ask them to please repeat what they said on your LinkedIn page,โ€ she advises. โ€œItโ€™s instant online evidence as to why you are good at what you do.โ€

And as always, beware the double-edged sword of social media: while it can help raise your profile it can, just as swiftly, ruin it.

Gain visibility


When given the opportunity to shine, seize it. โ€œBecoming a voice and learning to interpose a room with opinions, and not feeling youโ€™re asking silly questions, is where women really let themselves down,โ€ says Paul Wilson, chair of the Australian Human Resources Institute. To channel confidence in meetings, he suggests feeling the fear and speaking up anyway. โ€œClarify, come in at critical points with a perspective and be prepared to ask questions.โ€

โ€œI had to learn confidence,โ€ admits Alana, 29. โ€œI knew I had the skills to rise to the challenges of a promotion, but until I spoke up in front of the right people I was always going to get overlooked. It wasnโ€™t until I met with a career coach that I realized my mistake had been to wait for someone to approach me, instead of me maximising my visibility.โ€

Sara Watts, vice-principal of operations at the University of Sydney, says practice makes the difference: โ€œIf youโ€™re shy, practise talking to people in a safe space to get used to the idea that itโ€™s OK to have an opinion and express it.โ€

And you donโ€™t need perfection: speaking up with 80 per cent knowledge is better than staying quiet.

Sign up for internal training programs


Internal schemes are a sure-fire way to secure leadership skills, as well as declaring you are looking for acceleration to the top.

โ€œMentors and internal education schemes are incredibly important in helping overcome the reticence that some women have to plough forward,โ€ explains Peter Wilson, author of Make Mentoring Work (Major Street Publishing, $34.95). โ€œI interviewed 90 of Australiaโ€™s top business, government and society people, and every one of them had a mentor โ€“ and theyโ€™re still looking for people they can learn from in their daily life.โ€

Channel your ambition


โ€œI was described as โ€˜ambitiousโ€™ by everyone from high school teachers to aunts and uncles,โ€ says Olivia, 34, CEO of a digital advertising agency. โ€œBut they delivered it with negative connotations. As a result, it took me several years to feel comfortable voicing my desire to push forward with my career. Eventually, I found an environment that allowed me to communicate my vision for the company and myself. It was a case of practising assertiveness versus aggressiveness.โ€

Wilson agrees that the way to channel ambition is by using a direct style with an underlining humility. โ€œNot heavily bragging, but showing a positive, purposeful tone,โ€ he says.

This behaviour can be implemented at any stage of your vocational climb. When hiring, many companies pinpoint leadership qualities even from entry level. โ€œI look for people who are taking responsibility for their own development and display a willingness to be stretched. It helps if the person lets me know that they want to progress,โ€ points out Watts.

Use the C-word


The latest buzzword in the business world is โ€œcollaborationโ€. โ€œIt used to be called โ€˜teamworkโ€™ and now everyone loves โ€˜collaborationโ€™,โ€ says Blanshard. โ€œIt takes skill to be able to deal with different types of people.โ€

This is especially true with cross-generational management because, says Blanshard, โ€œYouโ€™re adapting to working with your grandmother as well as your little sister โ€“ resisters and early adopters.โ€

If you find yourself in this position, Blanshard advises taking the initiative in proposing changes in the way people do things. โ€œCome up with alternatives instead of accepting the โ€˜this is how we do itโ€™ process,โ€ she says. โ€œChallenge the way the business operates so youโ€™re coming at it from a different perspective and being noticed.โ€

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How To Conquer Public Speaking

Public speaking is a common fear, but, thankfully, there are some simple solutions to help you blitz your next blush-inducing moment in the spotlight.

So youโ€™d rather binge on wasabi than speak publicly? Join the club โ€“ research shows that 23 per cent of Australians fear public speaking more than death. The good news is we can all overcome (or at least hide) an aversion to speaking in public. Hereโ€™s how:

Presenting to your boss


Thankfully, most managers donโ€™t operate Horrible Bosses style, says professional speaker Margaret Stuart. โ€œYour boss is a human being, just like you โ€“ you have the knowledge, skills and ability to do your job, so respect that and relax.โ€ 


Be courteous and a little formal: Dress appropriately for your workplace, back up your statements and claims with solid research, and trust your knowledge, urges Stuart.


Know your objectives: What do you want to get out of the meeting? Asking yourself this question will help focus your presentation. Then, list any questions to ask or topics you need to address in order of importance. 


Understand the bossโ€™s personality, time pressures and priorities: โ€œFor example, is the bottom line most important to them? Are they most relaxed and available after lunch?โ€ asks professional speaker Merry Robertson. Find out, then plan accordingly.

Giving a bridesmaidโ€™s speech


Itโ€™s the most important day of your best friendโ€™s life and sheโ€™s trusting you to bring the house down. Meanwhile, youโ€™re worrying about saying her exโ€™s name instead of her new husbandโ€™s. Take a deep breath, then take this advice from wedding planner Jeannie Sheppardโ€ฆ


Be concise: No matter how entertaining, youโ€™ll lose your audience if your speech lasts for more than five minutes.


Curb your alcohol intake beforehand: A slurring speaker is never a good look.


Avoid in-jokes: While you may think secrets you and the bride share are hilarious, chances are youโ€™ll make most guests feel alienated. 


Donโ€™t blubber: A few tears are fine, but a sobbing bridesmaid will make everyone feel uncomfortable. A well-prepared speech will ease those nerves and keep the floods at bay.


Keep it family-friendly: A couple of embarrassing stories about the bride are de rigueur, but keep them light-hearted and never sexual in nature.


Say something nice about the groom: Youโ€™re sharing your best friend with him, so donโ€™t forget to mention him.

Playing the role of emcee


Remember, itโ€™s not about you. Your job is to keep the action running smoothly and warm the audience to each speaker so they want to listen. Your number-one rule? โ€œWear something youโ€™re comfortable in and have worn before so you donโ€™t fidget, adjust or fiddle with it,โ€ recommends Robyn Henderson, professional emcee and speaker.


Arrive at the venue early: Make sure you know how the microphone and any other equipment works before the proceedings kick off. Read each speakerโ€™s profile, so you can give them a great introduction, and double-check all pronunciations and jot down tricky ones phonetically.


Talk to the speakers: Try to keep things running on time, arrange to give presenters โ€œfive minutes to goโ€ and โ€œwind it upโ€ signals โ€“ and make sure you stick to them.


Donโ€™t panic: If a loud noise interrupts the event or something unexpected happens, donโ€™t ignore it. Everyone else will have noticed, too, so acknowledge it and then move on.

Speaking up in a meeting


Do you tend to keep your mouth clamped shut in meetings? โ€œStay in the moment rather than trying to think of something clever to say,โ€ urges psychologist Victoria Kasunic.โ€  โ€œIf youโ€™re present and engaged in the conversation, youโ€™ll naturally find things to say or contribute. Itโ€™s when you feel self-conscious and focused on yourself that you tend to hold back.โ€


Relax: Focus on breathing into your belly and counting to three with each inhalation and exhalation, advises Kasunic. โ€œWhen weโ€™re stressed, we canโ€™t access the part of our brain that looks after complex thinking, such as problem-solving and strategy.โ€


Modulate your voice: Use a strong, medium volume, but a lower pitch than you might use to speak to friends. โ€œWe prefer to listen to resonant voices rather than high-pitched, breathy ones, and get annoyed by voices that arenโ€™t loud enough,โ€ adds Kasunic.


Stay strong: โ€œPeople recall the first and last things you say, so start strong and donโ€™t trail off and mumble at the end. You want to leave them with a clear, strong statement, as thatโ€™s what theyโ€™ll remember.โ€

Speaking to the media


Representing your company in the media can be a daunting experience. โ€œBefore speaking with journalists, research them and their media outletโ€™s background so you know what type of audience you will be talking to,โ€ suggests public relations consultant Catriona Pollard. โ€œMake sure you understand exactly what theyโ€™ll be talking to you about and pre-prepare.โ€


If youโ€™re going on TV: Sit, rather than stand, and use slow, controlled movements. โ€œThis will help with nerves, as it forces your brain to slow down,โ€ says Pollard. โ€œAlso allow yourself time to think and make sure all points are brief and succinct.โ€


If youโ€™re speaking on radio: Because this medium gives the illusion of a one-on-one relationship with its listeners, adopt a friendly approach and remember to speak to or with your audience, not at them.


If youโ€™re going to be in print: โ€œDeliver key messages early and donโ€™t ramble,โ€ says Pollard. โ€œDuring a phone interview, stand while you speak โ€“ it will make you feel and sound more confident.โ€

Top 5 public speaking tips


We asked clinical psychologist Margaret Ross for her best confidence boosters.


1 Gently lengthen your spine so you feel taller and straighter โ€“ youโ€™ll look and feel more confident.
2 Maintain eye contact to look more professional and poised (even if you donโ€™t really feel it). 
3 Exhale slowly to calm any signs of anxiety.
4 Smile โ€“ it physically relaxes the body.
5 Remember, the audience wants you to do well. They want to hear something interesting, funny or pleasant.

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How To Avoid Office Politics

Ditch the drama and work your way around any prickly problem on the job

Hereโ€™s our guide to avoiding office politics.

Colleagues want to drag you into their conflict


Try not to take sides, says Edwin Trevor-Roberts, CEO of career-management firm Trevor-Roberts Associates, โ€œbut donโ€™t appear insensitive. Most of the time people just want to be heard. Use reflective statements such as, โ€˜You sound really frustrated.โ€™ This shows youโ€™re listening, but stops you from becoming involved.โ€ Organisational psychologist Kathryn McEwen suggests advising on process, but not content: โ€œYou might emphasise that itโ€™s important for them to get along, or offer to invite them both for coffee to talk face to face.โ€

Others take credit for your work


Itโ€™s your responsibility to make sure youโ€™re visible to those who matter, states Kate Boorer, employee engagement specialist at Employerbility. Speak up in meetings, initiate email discussions and keep your manager across your work. She adds that youโ€™re more likely to be targeted if colleagues think they can get away with it. But confronting the behaviour may put an end to that, advises McEwen: โ€œSay, โ€˜I noticed you put out that idea at the meeting as something you came up with. Iโ€™d like some acknowledgement.โ€™โ€

 

The office gossip is in your ear


Gossip is a two-person sport, points out Boorer: โ€œFor it to gather momentum, you need someone to play with.โ€ Divert hearsay by asking an off-topic question. โ€œPeople love to talk about themselves, particularly their success,โ€ says Boorer. โ€œAsk about a project theyโ€™re working on.โ€ Or casually inform your colleague that youโ€™d โ€œlove to stay and chat, but are under the pump and donโ€™t have the time at the momentโ€. As Boorer puts it, โ€œOnce they realise you have no comment, opinion or judgement to add, the game becomes boring.โ€

The boss seems to play favourites


Donโ€™t make assumptions about why you were overlooked for praise or a promotion. Rather, seek as much feedback as possible, advises Trevor-Roberts. โ€œHave an honest conversation with your manager, acknowledging your disappointment at missing out, but affirming your desire to learn as much as you can so youโ€™ll be ready for the next opportunity,โ€ he says. And be specific when it comes to the feedback: โ€œAsk what you need to develop, learn or do differently in order to be ready in future.โ€

 

Your desk mate bellows on the phone


Bite the bullet and ask them to turn down the volume. โ€œWhen giving feedback of any kind, you need to make it specific and non-personal,โ€ comments McEwen. โ€œSay, โ€˜You may not realise it, but when youโ€™re on the phone youโ€™re a little loud and itโ€™s distracting. Would you mind talking more quietly so I can get on with my work, please?โ€™ Itโ€™s all about tone โ€“ and requesting, rather than telling.โ€ Raise the matter casually. โ€œBut donโ€™t go whingeing about it to anyone else at work. Itโ€™s your issue and youโ€™re dealing with it.

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The Duchess of Cambridgeโ€™s life in pictures

We chart the Duchess' life - from toddler years to teen to future Queen of England - with photos

Kate Middleton

Young Kate

Kate Middleton

A five-year-old Kate in a photograph shared by the Middleton family.

Kate, Pippa and Michael Middleton

Kate with sister Pippa and their father Michael in Jerash, Jordan.

Kate Middleton Sports Team

Kate at school

Kate and Wills

Kate and Will on graduation day from St Andrewโ€™s University

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Home Page 248

Old Hollywood Style That Has Stood The Test Of Time

"Fashions fade, style is eternal" โ€“ Yves Saint Laurent. These iconic stars of weren't only stylish in their heyday, they could very well be gracing the pages of today's fashion magazines and street style blogs with their timeless style.

Audrey Hepburn

Audrey Hepburnโ€™s classic elegance is still being emulated today โ€“ she made all-black anything but boring.

Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroeโ€™s striped dress and chic mules would make any modern-day fashionista proud.

Brigitte Bardot

Brigitte Bardot looks like style goddess Kate Moss in looks of leather.

Lauren Bacall

Lauren Bacall knew that good tailoring could take any outfit to the next level.

Elizabeth Taylor

Elizabeth Taylor rocking a crop top and a high-waisted pant.

Katherine Hepburn

No one can rock a palazzo pant quite like Katherine Hepburn.

Bianca Jagger

Bianca Jagger was the epitome of โ€™70s cool โ€“ and still is.

Diana Ross

We could see Diana Rossโ€™ embroidered off-the-shoulder gown on any number of divas still todayโ€ฆ

Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroeโ€™s chic long-sleeved gown is reminding up of Margot Robbie at the 2015 Oscars.

Brigitte Bardot

Brigitte Bardot knew a classic trench would never go out of style.

Lauren Bacall

Lauren Bacall was rocking a power-shoulder well before the โ€™80s ever claimed them.

Grace Kelly

Grace Kellyโ€™s nautical chic would still work on the French Riviera in 2015.

Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe knew how to dress those infamous curves.

Marilyn Monroe

The pencil dress was a signature look for Marilyn, with the classic style still being on trend today.

Audrey Hepburn

Audrey Hepburn knew that a crisp white shirt goes with everything โ€“ and those strappy flats will be everywhere this summer.

Lauren Bacall

Lauren Bacallโ€™s LBD has a modern-twist even for today with the plunging neckline and cut-out features.

Marilyn Monroe

We could see Keira Knightley rocking Marilyn Monroeโ€™s pretty floral frock!

Elizabeth Taylor

Elizabeth Taylor knew lace was, is and always will be in.

Jackie Kennedy

Jackie Kennedy was the queen of elegance, and this monochrome frock would still be perfect for a first lady, like Michelle Obama, to wear today.

Marilyn Monroe

Off-the-shoulder looks, like Marilyn Monroeโ€™s here, are having a major moment againโ€ฆ

Audrey Hepburn

A classic pastel frock and a flat straw hat are two trends weโ€™ll be seeing this spring racing season, but it was Audrey Hepburn who did it first!

Lauren Bacall

Lauren Bacallโ€™s shoulder-grazing frock oozed sophisticated sex appeal โ€“ and still does!

Audrey Hepburn

Audrey Hepburnโ€™s checkered shirt and tailored white shorts are still summer staples.

Marilyn Monroe

We know a certain miss Taylor Swift who might have taken some style cues from this look on Marilyn Monroe.

Vivien Leigh

Vivien Leigh knew that voluminous sleeves needed to be balanced out with a cinched-in waist.

Audrey Hepburn

While her striped pants and black and white top are serious business, pigtails can only make the same statement when worn by Audrey Hepburn!

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The Best Celebrity Pregnancy Announcements

Why mince words when pictures tell the whole story? Here are some of the best celebrity surprise baby reveals on social media.
Instagram
Instagram

Lily Cole

The model announced her pregnancy via Instagram overnight with this quirky picture. โ€œI am having a baby!โ€ the 27-year-old captioned photo, which depicts a purple dinosaur alongside the post-it note. 

Preserve.us

Blake Lively

In what was surely one of the most chic pregnancy announcements ever, the former Gossip Girl star posted a sepia-toned snap of her baby bump to her lifestyle website, Preserve.us, causing it to crash. 

Instagram

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel

Justin Timberlake posted this picture to his Instagram account overnight in official confirmation that his wife, Jessica Biel, is expecting her first child.

Instagram

Coco Rocha

Coco Rocha took to Instagram to announce her pregnancy with a video of Coco dressed as a ballerina, with partner Conran in the background. The camera then pans to Cocoโ€™s stomach, where the message โ€˜Baby Conran arriving Spring 2015โ€™ appears.

Instagram

Eva Chen

The former Lucky magazine editor often snaps pictures of her shoes in the backseat of a cab on the way to work โ€“ so fans had to look twice when they spotted a tiny pair of matching sneakers next to hers. 

Instagram

Doutzen Kroes

Near-nude selfies arenโ€™t exactly uncommon on Doutzen Kroesโ€™s Instagram page, but this one was different: โ€œSo happy to share with you that we are expecting,โ€ Kroes wrote.

Instagram

Gwen Stefani

Gwen Stefani gave her fans a double whammy when she joined Instagram and announced her pregnancy on the same day. โ€œI was ready to hand over the crown. But I guess I am still queen of the house. #itsaboy #surroundedbyboys.โ€

Instagram

Kelly Rowland

Jumping on the shoe bandwagon, Kelly Rowland chose to announce her pregnancy on Instagram with a picture of tiny sneakers. She captioned the photo: โ€œIโ€™ll be stuntin like my daddyโ€ฆ..โ€

Instagram

Sonia Kruger

Congratulations flowed in for Sonia Kruger after she posted a photo of her chic Valentino studded heels alongside a pair of tiny baby shoes. โ€œHey everyone. Hereโ€™s a fun factโ€ฆIโ€™m having a baby!โ€

Instagram

Stacy Keibler

Stacy Keebler picked a fun way to announce her pregnancy, by posting a snap of a bun in the oven on Instagram. โ€œLook what weโ€™ve got cooking! A Bunโ€™dle of love!โ€

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8 Transgender Stars We Love

With the rise of shows such as Transparent and Orange Is The New Black, transgender stars are finally getting the airtime they deserve. Here, we chart 8 of our favourites.
Getty
Getty

Andreja Pejic

Pejic, who formerly went by the name Andrej, made headlines in the fashion industry for modelling both menโ€™s and womenswear. In 2014, she underwent gender reassignment surgery.

Getty

Lea T

The gorgeous Lea T made history last year when she was named the new spokesmodel for Redken haircare. โ€œI love working with Redken because they appreciate all kinds of beauty,โ€ Lea T stated at the time. 

Getty

Laverne Cox

If youโ€™re an Orange Is The New Black fan, youโ€™ll already know who Laverne Cox is. The stunning star became the first transgender person to be nominated for an Emmy in an acting category in 2014.

Getty

Conchita Wurst

Otherwise known as the โ€œbearded ladyโ€, Conchita is an Austrian recording artist and drag queen. Wurst came to international attention for winning the Eurovision Song Contest 2014 with the song โ€œRise Like a Phoenixโ€.

Getty

Ines Rau

Transgender model Ines Rau has posed with everyone from Tyson Beckford to Kate Moss. โ€œHaving a sex change is not the answer to insecurities or other issues; [it requires] a real deep desire to be a woman from a younger age.โ€

Getty

Isis King

Americaโ€™s Next Top Model fans will recognise Isis King, who was revered by Tyra Banks for her incredible bone structure. Kingโ€™s inclusion on ANTM has been called an โ€œunprecedented opportunityโ€ by the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.

Getty

Jenna Talackova

Jenna Talackova first came to media attention when she successfully waged a legal battle to be allowed to compete in Miss Universe Canada. Since then, sheโ€™s been hailed as a role model.

Getty

Candis Cayne

Candis Cayne has been a fixture on TV for some time after rising to fame in the series Dirty, Sexy, Money. She was the first transgender actress to play a recurring transgender character on prime time television.

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Home Page 248

10 Celebrities Who Had The Perfect Response To Body Shamers

Working in industries that see their bodies scrutinised on a daily basis, these celebrities have come back at their haters with the perfect responses. Twitter Trolls take note.
Instagram
Instagram

Kesha

Following a difficult few months after a legal battle against producer Dr. Luke and Sony, Kesha took to Instagram to share a shot herself in a bikini,  with the caption: โ€œNot a slave to perfection right now. fโ€“k it. ***body shamers please fโ€“k offโ€

Sports Illustrated

Barbara Palvin

After Barbara Palvin was revealed as one of Sports Illustratedโ€™s 2016 rookies of the year, critics described her as โ€œfatโ€. Her response? โ€œThe reason [SI] chose me is because they like my body typeโ€ฆโ€

Getty

Ashley Benson

Pretty Little Liars star Ashley Benson revealed that she was once told she was โ€œtoo fatโ€ for a role. Ashley, who is US size 2 (Aus 8), says she has  learned to shake off negative comments. โ€œI cried for 30 minutes, but then you have to let it roll off your shoulders.โ€

Instagram

Selena Gomez

Selena Gomez recently told The Cruz Show that โ€œI dealt with a lot of body shaming this year and Iโ€™ve never experienced that before.โ€

But, she said, โ€œIโ€™m not going to let them get to me. I can do what I want.โ€

Getty

Pink

Twitter bullies recently criticised the singerโ€™s weight. But Pink hit back, saying: โ€œI am perfectly fine, perfectly happy, and my healthy, voluptuous and crazy strong body is having some much deserved time off. Thanks for your concern. Love, cheesecake.โ€

 

Getty

Robyn Lawley

Australian model Robyn Lawley was outraged after seeing her own image posted on a site dedicated to โ€œthigh-gapsโ€. โ€œThe truth is I couldnโ€™t care less about needing a supposed โ€˜thigh gapโ€™. Why would I want to starve and weaken my natural body size?โ€

Getty

Amy Schumer

Amy Schumer had the perfect response to critics who described her as โ€œchubbyโ€. โ€œFrom the bottom of my heart โ€” I could not care less,โ€ she said. โ€œI am a [US] size 6 and have no plans of changing. This is it. Stay on or get off. Kisses!โ€

Getty

Mindy Kaling

Mindy Kaling shut down the body shamers in 2014. โ€œ[Body shamers are] like, โ€˜Itโ€™s so refreshing that Mindy feels comfortable to let herself go and be a fat sea monster.โ€™ By the way, I like run and work out. It takes a lot of effort to look like a normal/chubby woman.โ€

Getty

Jennifer Lawrence

Jennifer Lawrence was told early in her career that in order to be successful, she needed to lose weight. Her response? โ€œWhat are you going to do? Be hungry every single day to make other people happy? Thatโ€™s just dumb.โ€

Kelly Clarkson

Recently accused of having eaten โ€œall of her backup singersโ€ by a UK tv personality, Clarkson said: โ€œItโ€™s like, you are who you are. Sometimes Iโ€™m more fit and I get into kick-boxing hardcore. And sometimes I donโ€™t and Iโ€™d rather have a glass of wine.โ€

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Is There Such A Thing As A Career Use-By Date?

In an era where career reinvention, upskilling and even early retirement are the norm, is there such a thing as a success use-by date?

Careers used to follow a predictable timeline: school, university, work. Youโ€™d get a few promotions along the way then finish up with a gold watch before driving off into the sunset with caravan in tow.

But the days of having your career sorted in your 20s are over. โ€œThereโ€™s no need to follow the crowd these days, particularly when it comes to your age,โ€ asserts career consultant Melissa Johnston, of Suzie Plush Consulting. โ€œIf youโ€™re driven to succeed, have passion and are perceived as energetic and professional, youโ€™ll be in good stead for career advancement or change at any age.โ€

As these three women attest, you can defy stereotypes and carve out a new normal for yourself at any age.


The young CEO: Samantha Cran

The stereotypical CEO is male and over 50. But as head of non-profit organisation One Disease at a Time, Samantha Cran, 26, is well and truly busting that myth. She moved from an enviable position with Lโ€™Orรฉal Paris to take the reins of her family transport company at the age of 22, due to her patriarch grandfatherโ€™s declining health. โ€œLโ€™Orรฉal was amazing, but Mum was struggling to run the business alone and I needed to step up and help.โ€

Samantha began attending networking events to gain wisdom from experienced business people. It was here she met founder of One Disease, Dr Sam Prince, and, impressed with his vision, decided to join the organisation as a volunteer, which began her trajectory to the top job sheโ€™s held for the past two-and-a-half years.

Presenting to typically older, male-dominated boardrooms is still a daunting prospect for Samantha, but she sees it as character-building. โ€œThe biggest advantage of my age is being able to say, โ€˜I donโ€™t knowโ€™,โ€ she says. โ€œIโ€™m always up-front and authentic about that and am more than prepared to learn and fill in gaps of knowledge.โ€


The early retiree: Annie Crawford

If retirement conjures up thoughts of bingo and lawn bowls, take a look at Annie Crawford, 50. She retired from the mainstream workforce at 42 and is proof that age is only a number.

In 1997, Annie moved to California, where she helped establish the US affiliate of a Swiss biotech company. Being a founding shareholder was a lucrative move for Annie, and when her family returned to Australia in 2003 she knew she was in a position where she didnโ€™t have to return to work.

In 2005 Annie founded Can Too, a not-for-profit program which encourages participants to achieve goals in running, swimming or triathlon. Funds are directed to Cure Cancer Australia Foundation in memory of her father, who died of cancer at 51. Retirement isnโ€™t a word that sits comfortably with Annie. โ€œRetirement in the traditional sense scares me; I donโ€™t feel old enough. Fifty is the new 30 and 70 is the new 50. I think society in general is developing a different sense of what retiring means. โ€œIโ€™m lucky to be where I am and Iโ€™ve always been in tune with the fact thereโ€™s more to life than work.โ€


The mature-age student: Julie Sweet

Ticking university off the to-do list is an achievement at any age. For Julie Sweet, who began a Bachelor of Counselling and Human Change at 33, her stint as a student was combined with running a successful business.

Julie, 38, bypassed the traditional school-to-uni transition to enter the workforce. โ€œSchool was just an opportunity to socialise. My head wasnโ€™t in the right space to study then,โ€ she admits.

As a mature age student, she juggled one day at uni each week with the responsibilities of running her business, [http://www.certificatesonline.com.au||target=_blank]. โ€œI worked nights and weekends and explained to my friends that I wouldnโ€™t have a social life for a while.โ€

Study came naturally to Julie, who now possessed the maturity and dedication she lacked in younger years. She believes the confidence sheโ€™s acquired with age has helped her score a coveted job as a counsellor with NSW Health.

โ€œI started job hunting with a year of my degree to go,โ€ she explains. โ€œI knew how tough the job market could be and wasnโ€™t going to let all this study and sacrifice be for nothing.โ€

Julie has one piece of advice for anyone considering studying later in life: โ€œJust do it. It will be difficult and challenging, but so many things in life are.โ€

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Leave Your Desk, Love Your Job

By focusing on anything but work, corporate coaches believe career success is in the Birkin bag. Hereโ€™s what to do outside the office, in order to be more efficient at your desk.

Are you stressed, working 14-hour days and eating exclusively from a vending machine? Canโ€™t remember what your partner looks like? Are your running shoes growing their own legs? If you answered โ€œyesโ€ to any of these questions, stop everything. 

In Dr Stephen Coveyโ€™s seminal self-help book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (15 million copies sold and counting), he writes about a man cutting wood with a blunt saw. The man goes at it for hours, barely making a dent, until a passer-by suggests he stops and sharpens his saw. โ€œBut Iโ€™m too busy cutting wood!โ€ protests the lumberjack

Whatโ€™s this got to do with you? Step away from work and nurture your physical, social, mental and spiritual health, says Dr Covey, and youโ€™ll do a much better job โ€“ no matter what you do for a living. Sharpen yourself up with these quick tips.

Go to bed [8 hours]


A study published in the journal Nature warns youโ€™re more likely to make mistakes when sleep-deprived โ€“ because brain neurones actually fall asleep. Donโ€™t become a statistic. โ€œAvoid stimulating spices like garlic at night โ€“ and eat dinner early,โ€ advises corporate coach, Susanne Rix (superworking.com). โ€œStop work at least one hour before bed and stick to a nightly, winding-down routine.โ€

Get physical [20 minutes]


โ€œExercise is equally as effective in managing anxiety and depression as pharmaceutical intervention,โ€ says Dr Travis Kemp, an Adelaide-based organisational psychologist. โ€œYet it falls by the wayside when people get busy.โ€ Donโ€™t let it: in a survey by the University of Bristol, UK, 74 per cent of employees who exercised before work or during lunch breaks said they managed their workload better. Exercise wards off illness, as well: a Danish study, of more than 7000 people, found that physical activity during leisure time โ€“ not on the job โ€“ decreases the risk of long-term sick leave. You donโ€™t need to do a 90-minute Bikram class, adds Rix. โ€œFollowing four hours of intense concentration is an 80 per cent drop in concentration. You only need a 20-minute brisk walk at lunch to pick it up.โ€ Yes, a lap around Zara counts.

Stock your fridge [1 hour]


With healthy stuff, not brie and M&Ms. A University of Maryland, US, study of more than 600 women unveiled a direct link between fast food and depressive symptoms. โ€œWith an intense lifestyle, you tend to eat crap,โ€ says Dr Kemp. โ€œPeople look for food that helps them feel better in the moment, but that type of food probably isnโ€™t good for you in the long-term.โ€ Once a week, fill your kitchen with lean proteins, low-GI grains, anything green and everything else that doesnโ€™t come in a packet and youโ€™ll be less inclined to call for pizza.

Give in to e-temptation [5 minutes]


According to research by Harvard Business School in the US, subjects who were told to resist the temptation of watching a funny video made significantly more mistakes on a subsequent task than those who were allowed to watch the video straight away. โ€œHumour triggers endorphins,โ€ explains Rix. โ€œWith that study, if the participants were forbidden to watch something, thatโ€™s lack of control. And lack of control lowers your self-efficacy; if self-efficacyโ€™s down, your clarity is down.โ€ Click away.

Call (donโ€™t text) a girlfriend [10 minutes]


When you donโ€™t have time to meet for coffee, just checking in with pals might help you focus. โ€œEstablishing and maintaining good, supportive relationships outside of work is very important to your work,โ€ explains Dr Kemp. And relationships donโ€™t need to be intimate or romantic, says Rix. โ€œJust build friendships wherein you can openly communicate your deepest feelings.โ€ If thatโ€™s with the guy who makes your coffee, so be it.

Daydream about sex (or love) [5 minutes]


How you fantasise can make you either more creative or more analytical, according to a study published in the journal, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Participants who imagined a romantic walk with their partners performed better at creative tasks, whereas those who pictured casual sex with someone they didnโ€™t know scored better on analytical questions.

Book a holiday [7 days]


According to a report in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, travel makes people happier than buying material possessions โ€“ thanks to the memory attached to the trip. Plus, more annual leave can lead to greater productivity: in Luxembourg, workers enjoy 32 days of vacation per year and the countryโ€™s economy is 27 per cent more efficient than the USโ€™, where the average person takes just 25 days off annually. Combining your holiday with charity work is Rixโ€™s suggestion. โ€œGenerosity and altruism trigger feelings of wellbeing, and feelings of wellbeing go hand in hand with clear thinking. If you feel lousy, you donโ€™t think clearly.โ€

Get real [5 minutes]


Spend a few moments every day reflecting on whatโ€™s important in order to manage your anxiety levels, advises Kemp. โ€œWe know that โ€˜stuffโ€™ doesnโ€™t make us happy. What makes us happy is accepting that life is cyclical; it has its ups and downs.โ€ That means making a conscious effort to go with the flow, rather than staying attached to specific things, outcomes or beliefs about how things should be versus how things really are. โ€œIn other words,โ€ says Kemp. โ€œDonโ€™t get stressed out about things not going your way.โ€

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How To Use Social Media To Land Your Dream Job

Use your Twitter, Instagram and Facebook accounts to boost your career.

Would you dream of going on a date with someone without checking out their Facebook or Instagram accounts first?

Thought not.

Employers are no different. Ninety-two per cent of companies now use social media for hiring, and 55 per cent of recruiters have reconsidered a candidate based on their social profile, according to US research.

Follow these 7 easy steps and youโ€™ll nab your dream job in no time

Google yourself

First things first, Google yourself and find out what your social media pages look like to an outsider.

โ€œView your profles as a third party,โ€ advises Ryan Shelley, managing director at social media consultancy Pepper IT. โ€œThis ensures that nothing intended to be personal is openly viewable to others. Remember, nothing on the Internet is truly private

Clean things up

Employers expect you to have a personal life, but โ€œthereโ€™s a fine line between appearing human and sharing too much personal informationโ€, says Shelley.

Unsurprisingly, 83 per cent of recruiters disapprove of references to illegal drugs and 70 per cent react badly to posts of a sexual natureห†.

โ€œWhat is acceptable comes down to your industry,โ€ says Shelley. โ€œThe entertainment and PR industries would expect to see you mingling respectfully with the right people. More sedate industries may expect a more professional appearance.โ€

Remember itโ€™s not just outrageous party photos that may damage your job prospects. Anything that could be deemed offensive or politically divisive isnโ€™t a good look

Keep it simple and stay active

Itโ€™s better to have a well put together, up-to-date profile on a couple of platforms than lots of neglected accounts. โ€œOnly take on as many as you can manage,โ€ says Shelley. โ€œYes itโ€™s a good idea to nab a great name on an account and hold it until youโ€™re ready to use โ€“ but donโ€™t openly publicise an account you donโ€™t have content for.โ€

Your potential employer wants to see youโ€™re engaged in what you do, rather than faddishly joining every new social platform.

โ€œIf youโ€™re job hunting, you should have a LinkedIn profile, plus either Facebook or Twitter to show a more personal side,โ€ says Shelley.

Then work out which platforms would work well for your business and start using them. Ask colleagues or co-workers if thereโ€™s anything industry specific theyโ€™re using that you might be missing out on

Tailor each profile

Take some time to make your bios and profile images targeted and platform appropriate.

โ€œYour LinkedIn account head shot and bio need to be totally professional,โ€ says Shelley. โ€œYour Instagram or other personal accounts can be more human and conversational.โ€

In these bios talk a little bit about your interests or post a photo where you arenโ€™t wearing work attire โ€“ although nothing too revealing, of course!

Promote yourself โ€“ but not too much

Social media is a handy way to promote your professional achievements and let others in the industry know what youโ€™re good at.

But it can also be used to show that youโ€™re aware of news and developments in your field.

โ€œBe careful not to overdo the self-promotion,โ€ warns Shelley.

Instead, โ€œfollow the 5-3-2 rule. For every 10 posts, share five pieces of news from others that are relevant to your industry. This shows you are knowledgeable and keep up to date with your industry.

Share three pieces of news that are relevant directly to you, but when you do this, donโ€™t make it a direct sales pitch. Then share two pieces that are personal or fun to show that you are human.โ€

Connect with people you admire

โ€œFollow other people in your industry,โ€ suggests Shelley. โ€œIt helps you see what they do well and learn from them. You can interact by asking insightful questions, complimenting their work and sharing their posts. Itโ€™s a great way to get noticed and often provides an opportunity to contact them directly.โ€

Go a step further and follow people who work at your dream company. It will help you to stay on top of whatโ€™s going on in their business, including job opportunities: lots of companies now mention vacancies on social media.

Control your own destiny

โ€œPeople often forget that they donโ€™t actually own their social presences,โ€ says Shelley. โ€œBut a website or blog is a very powerful tool that you have complete control over.โ€

Use your social media accounts to link back to your personal site or blog. โ€œYour own site takes time and effort, but youโ€™ll definitely reap the benefits. It helps you get your message out to the world.โ€

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How To Survive The Modern Day Workplace

As full-time jobs disappear, the new workplace mantra is all about flexibility. Be prepared by following these rules.

If you havenโ€™t already noticed, the workplace has changed dramatically in the past 10 years. Full-time positions that were once considered normal are now on the decline, as more people move into contract roles and part-time jobs. For some, this shift is a welcome trend as project or casual work offers flexibility, but for others the reality is that not having the security of a full-time job comes with some disadvantages.

โ€œWe are in the early stages of austere times,โ€ notes Mike Roddy, account director from recruitment specialists Randstad. โ€œAs a result of this, there will be job shortages, reduced hours and redundancies, and weโ€™ll see outplacements taking over. A traditional job for life is old hat now. Weโ€™re in the information age and technology is leading this shift away from full-time work.โ€

Here are some steps you can take to prepare for the transition.

Rule: set aside three to six months salary


Having money saved will give you peace of mind through the periods when youโ€™re not working. Itโ€™s important to have at least three months salary saved until you land your next job. Not only will this help cover your bills, but you wonโ€™t feel pressured to take the first job youโ€™re offered.

Rule: grow your skill base


โ€œA great portion of the workforce does not invest in upgrading their skills,โ€ observes Roddy. Keep your skills up to date and stay abreast of technology as this increases your options when you start looking for work.

Rule: donโ€™t be an ostrich


Be across whatโ€™s happening in your company and your industry. โ€œThis is critical in the event there is a downturn. The last thing you want to do is turn up to work one day to learn your hours have been scaled back, or worse,โ€ warns Roddy.

Rule: work the room


โ€œWhile jobs are advertised, a lot of the time itโ€™s who you know,โ€ points out Roddy, so ensure you have good networks โ€“ personal and professional. Regardless of your qualifications and skills, always have a number of other avenues to pursue, and keep professional networks such as LinkedIn and Facebook up to date. And donโ€™t forget you have a responsibility to help other people as well.

Rule: start moonlighting


A burgeoning side business can lead to opportunities. Many successful operators started working on their business after hours, providing a source of income and, potentially, a new career.

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Motherhood vs Career

Thinking of starting a family, but worried that your hard-won career will suffer? Donโ€™t sweat it โ€“ according to the experts, all it takes is a little forward planning.

No matter how much you want to be a parent, after spending thousands on a stellar education and fighting your way up the career ladder, the idea of taking a step out of your industry, even for a few months, can be hard to face. How can you make sure that when and if youโ€™re ready to go back to work, you return on your own terms? Our experts share their ABC strategy.

A is forโ€ฆAudit


If you want to go back to work after youโ€™ve had a baby, the best time to start planning for it is way before your bundle of joy arrives. โ€œStart with taking an audit of where you are in your career and where you want to be when you return to work,โ€ says Kate Sykes, director of job centre CareerMums. โ€œEven if youโ€™re not sure what you want, write down some ideas. Are you going to downsize your career, maintain it or keep it escalating? Do you want to go back part-time in the same job, or downgrade to a position where youโ€™ll be called on less for nights and weekend work?โ€

Susan Jackson, founder of Ms Money, a financial planning service specialising in couples and families, agrees that research is your best friend when it comes to cash flow: โ€œTake some time to audit your finances. Work out how much you need to live on, and what your assets and liabilities are, so you can start saving and planning now. Can you suspend your mortgage payments when youโ€™re on maternity leave? Do you need to spend the next six months paying off debt?โ€

This is the time to find out what government help youโ€™re entitled to, says Jackson. Visit www.familyassist.gov.au to find out how much you will get and when. Or see a financial planner.

B is forโ€ฆBrushing Up


While many women think theyโ€™ll be back at work shortly after the labour, the reality can be very different. If you think you might want to return on reduced hours or days, nowโ€™s the time to find out the answers to the tough questions your boss will ask when that day arrives โ€“ such as whoโ€™s going to cover your hours.

โ€œResearch the flexible work policy and parental leave agreements your employer has in place,โ€ advises Sykes. โ€œBrush up on the national employment standards atwww.fairwork.gov.au, so you know what laws are on your side, and talk to your colleagues who have had kids and then gone back to work in your company. Next, come up with a plan about how you propose things will work while youโ€™re reintegrating yourself into the workplace. If youโ€™re working two days a week for the first three months, whoโ€™s doing the other three? Will you work from home? If you make the decision look easy, itโ€™ll be harder for your boss to say no.

C is forโ€ฆCommunication


โ€œTalking to your manager or HR department about flexible work options, before you go on maternity leave, is critical,โ€ says Sykes. โ€œThis is the time to have an open and frank discussion about how important your career is and where they see you fitting in when you come back.

Be clear about the skills you bring to the company and where youโ€™d like to be in six or 12 months after your return.โ€ Itโ€™s also important to be honest about how your approach to work may change. โ€œManaging expectations of others is huge โ€“ you have to let everyone know where youโ€™re at; that this is your life right now; and that youโ€™re doing your best. The more you talk to people, the less youโ€™ll feel like youโ€™re letting people down or being judged,โ€ says Sykes.

Talking to your partner is also crucial, adds Jackson: โ€œSharing the domestic and financial responsibilities with your partner is key and you need to discuss how things will work โ€“ right down to whoโ€™s paying the electric bill now youโ€™re busy breastfeeding โ€“ so everyone is on the same page.โ€

Sykes agrees: โ€œYou canโ€™t do it all. Make sure your partnerโ€™s workplace knows when childcare starts so you can share those days when your baby gets sick and needs an early pick-up. If itโ€™s always you dropping things to rush off, your career and relationship will suffer.โ€

Did you know? Although an employer is not obligated to say yes, youโ€™re entitled to ask for a further 12 months maternity leave, after your initial 12 months.

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How To Nail Every Interview Question

Confidence and eye contact are a start, but nailing a job interview is all about how you handle the difficult questions.

What are you looking for in this job?


โ€œAvoid generic answers such as, โ€˜Iโ€™m looking for my next challengeโ€™, or worse, answers that focus on working conditions that benefit you, such as short working hours,โ€ says Fletcher. โ€œAn employer is looking for someone who will be an asset to their business, not someone whoโ€™s desperate to get out the door each day.โ€ Let your enthusiasm show. โ€œI suggest something like, โ€˜Iโ€™m not afraid of a challenge and relish any opportunity to get stuck in and produce results.โ€™โ€ As Anderson puts it, โ€œThe more you can fit into their long-term plans and not just your own, the more likely youโ€™ll get the job!โ€

What can you bring to the role?


โ€œAnyone can say theyโ€™re hardworking and committed, but I look for the things I see, rather than the things I hear,โ€ says Beling. Get on the company website, research trends in the organisation, download their annual report, and jot down a few questions to ask. โ€œEmployers love this; it creates talking points more than anything, but also displays passion and energy โ€“ and these traits are key.โ€ Anderson says itโ€™s best to interweave your โ€˜researchโ€™ into your answers. โ€œYou could say, โ€˜I noticed an article with your CEO in the Financial Review that youโ€™re planning to open more offices in Melbourne. I have some experience in the local market there. Do you have a need for more local experience for those clients?โ€™โ€ If you really want to blow them away, show initiative and take some work samples โ€“ such as project, blogs, sample reports, strategic plans โ€“ with you to the interview. โ€œThese get amazing cut-through and will help you stand out from the crowd.โ€

What is your weakness?


Be careful not to mention any of the required skills that theyโ€™re looking for in the role. โ€œIf time management is crucial to this role, donโ€™t say your organisation skills are your weakness!โ€ advises Jane Anderson, career coach and founder of Inside Out Coach (insideoutcoach.com.au). Rather, reassure your interviewer that youโ€™re aware of an area for development but are noticing an improvement. โ€œYou need to show that it isnโ€™t a permanent issue or problem.โ€ Danielle Fletcher, career psychologist at Ascends Personal Branding, agrees. โ€œThe secret is to view this question as one about development; this shows good self-awareness and motivation.โ€ Mention the area, followed by improvement strategies. โ€œYou could say, โ€˜I find speaking in front of large audiences difficult, so Iโ€™ve signed up for a public speaking course to fine-tune my technique.โ€™โ€

What are your salary expectations?


Donโ€™t be afraid to say an exact figure, based on your research of comparable roles, says Kate Boorer, employee engagement specialist and founder of Employerbility (employerbility.com.au). โ€œIf you respond with a salary range, a hiring manager would consider the lower half.โ€ Rather, state your desired package. โ€œSay, โ€˜Ideally I would be looking for a total package of $100k, however am flexible depending on your budgets and other workplace benefits.โ€™โ€ As a rule of thumb, Boorer suggests adding an extra $5,000 onto a salary expectation so that you can demonstrate flexibility if required. In todayโ€™s market, itโ€™s unlikely that youโ€™ll score a significant, i.e. 10 per cent, raise for a similar role at another company, so you may want to consider negotiating something else. โ€œSalaries are fixed based on budget requirements, but a manager could authorise flexible working hours or other perks.โ€

Why is there a gap on your CV?


If you had five months off to travel or work overseas, this is a great way to share something personal about you, says Susan Beling, managing director at Adecco. Managers are interested in what makes you tick as a person, so be proud of your life experiences. If itโ€™s taken you a while to land a job since finishing up at your last workplace, you can say, โ€˜Iโ€™ve been selective in what Iโ€™m looking forโ€™ or โ€˜Iโ€™ve been able to afford to take some time off.โ€™ If you do answer the latter, talk about what youโ€™ve been doing with your time to improve your employability. โ€œMention any courses, charity or volunteer work youโ€™ve done and highlight what you have learned during your time out from the workforce,โ€ says Fletcher. โ€œYou could respond like this: โ€˜During the last six months Iโ€™ve had the opportunity to meet some amazing people, improve my interpersonal skills, and give back to my local community, which I think will be a great asset for me in this role.โ€

How long do you plan to stay with us?


Most employers are looking to โ€˜growโ€™ individuals within a company and retention continues to be a key agenda item for most organisations. If youโ€™re only looking for a short-term job, be honest about your intentions to ensure you donโ€™t burn bridges down the track. โ€œPropose this to the interview, they may not have thought of it an as option,โ€ says Fletcher. It all comes down to how you frame it. โ€œSay, โ€˜I believe that this role provides a fantastic opportunity for a skilled contractor to come in and work with you for six months to boost sales. After this point, youโ€™ll have the systems in place to handle the role within the team you have. With my skill set, I truly believe I could make this happen for you.โ€

Why did you leave your last job?


Be honest and consistent, says Beling. โ€œIf you felt it was time to move on, say so, reflecting on a few key achievements in your previous role. If youโ€™re looking for something more senior, say that youโ€™re ready to step up. If anything sounds unnatural it will be ear marked for reference checking.โ€ Itโ€™s a good idea to focus on what youโ€™re looking to achieve by moving roles, rather than what you want to get away from, advises Boorer. โ€œRather than talking about being bored in your old job, discuss your desire to gain more experience or skills.โ€ Challenging relationships with past colleagues or bosses can be tricky to navigate around, but remember that badmouthing your former workplace will reflect badly on you, so steer clear.

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Shoes Of Prey Founder Reveals Her Career Advice

This lawyer loves her shoes and, like many of us, the picky shopper could never find exactly what she wanted and so, Shoes of Prey was born.

Light bulb moment

โ€œI was solving a problem of my own. Iโ€™d always liked shoes, but I never loved them because I couldnโ€™t find exactly what I was looking for. I found someone with whom I could commission shoe designs, and when my shoe collection became really exciting, my girlfriends asked me where I was getting my footwear. Concurrently, my two business partners, Mike and Michael, were at Google and becoming really excited about the opportunities in online retail. They just needed an idea. We all came together and Shoes of Prey was conceived.โ€

Growth

โ€œWeโ€™ve gone from three people on a couch to a multimillion-dollar global business in under four years, and still showing very strong progress with a 250 per cent growth rate over the past 12 months. We took on $3 million from a syndicate of investors in July 2012, and further investment late last year.โ€

All you need isโ€ฆ

โ€œTo make a decision and see what happens. Youโ€™ll never have a perfect situation and youโ€™ll never know the outcome. If itโ€™s the wrong decision, you have to be prepared to own it and then steer the ship in another direction.โ€ Kick up your heels: โ€œI learnt to have the confidence to value my own thoughts enough to speak up and be heard. In fact, itโ€™s probably the greatest lesson of my career. I wish Iโ€™d known how strong I could be. I wish Iโ€™d known that it was possible to face and conquer all your fears.โ€

Career highlights

โ€œWinning the Telstra Business Woman of the Year Private and Corporate Sector Award in 2011, and the World Retail Award for best store design in 2013 [when I was up] against Karl Lagerfeld for his concept store in Paris.โ€

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Stars Who Prove Strong Is The New Sexy

As Gigi Hadid put it, "a change is happening" and these stars are helping to change the mindset that 'thin is in' and prove that it's more much important to be fit, strong and healthy than it is to be a certain size.

Wanna know how Gigi Hadid gets her incredible figure? The model shared a clip of her working up a sweat in the boxing ring.

โ€œWhen youโ€™re boxing, you get so into it mentally that you kinda forget whatโ€™s going on, you forget that youโ€™re working out. You always want more.โ€

When Gigi Hadid first landed a modelling contract, she vowed not to succumb to the fashion industryโ€™s super-skinny standards. โ€œWhen I walked into IMG, my one thing was like, โ€˜Iโ€™ll be fit.โ€™ Iโ€™ve always been an athlete my whole life but thereโ€™s one thing I will not even do if it means turning away a dream of mine and that is to be too thin.โ€ 

The 20-year-old stunner, who has managed to maintain that healthy attitude, made headlines last week when she copped a barrage of criticism from online bullies labelling her too fat for the runway. The in-demand model admitted the comments did get her down, but rather than let it overcome her she came back swinging, posting the perfect response to the haters.

โ€œNo, I donโ€™t have the same body type as the other models in shows. No, I donโ€™t think Iโ€™m the best in any given show. Yes, I want to have a unique walk but I also know I have to improve. No, Iโ€™m not the first or last model of my type in this industry. You can make up all the reasons you think I am where I am, but really, Iโ€™m a hard worker thatโ€™s confident in myself, one that came at a time where the fashion industry was ready for a change. Iโ€™m just doing my job. 

โ€œI represent a body image that wasnโ€™t accepted in high-fashion before, and Iโ€™m very lucky to be supported by the designers, stylists, and editors that I am: ones that know this is fashion, this is art; it can never stay the same.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s 2015. But if youโ€™re not one of those people, donโ€™t take your anger out on me. Yes I have boobs, I have abs, I have a butt, I have thighs, but Iโ€™m not asking for special treatment.โ€

Gigi says she keeps her model figure in shape by sticking to a simple mantra: โ€œEat clean to stay fit: have a cheat day to stay sane!โ€. The model admits itโ€™s all about balance and doing what makes you feel good, โ€œYou find how you feel your best,โ€ she told Refinery29. โ€œWhether you feel better when youโ€™re eating gluten-free or whatever it is. I feel better when I eat a burger every other night.โ€

As for Gigiโ€™s favourite way to work up a sweat? She says she canโ€™t go past boxing. โ€œWhen youโ€™re boxing, you get so into it mentally that you kinda forget whatโ€™s going on, you forget that youโ€™re working out. You always want more.โ€

Jesinta Campbell stole the show at the David Jones Spring 2015 fashion launch earlier this year when she stepped on to the runway with her rock-hard abs and perfect pins. The 24-year-old admits she gave up alcohol and fast food in the lead-up to the show, and that she upped her training, incorporating boxing and barre work into her regime.

โ€œI just worked really hard. I actually just started boxing with Lauryn Eagle. So doing professional boxing training which was so much fun.โ€

โ€œBoxing is all from your core and my legs and Iโ€™ve been doing barre work which is a combination of ballet and pilates,โ€ she added.

Jesinta says itโ€™s all about consistency when it comes to health and fitness, but that there is no โ€˜idealโ€™ body shape. โ€œItโ€™s all up to the individual and whatever is healthy for the individual,โ€ she says.

โ€œThat may look like a size 8 or that may look like a size 16. I feel as fit and healthy as I have ever felt, but the message I want to portray is my fit and healthy is not the same as someone elseโ€™s.โ€

Ronda Rousey is an American mixed martial artist, judoka, model and actress and became the first female to win an Olympic medal in Judo in 2008. Rousey also starred in the 2015Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue in February this year, and opened up about being a role model for women. โ€œI was so happy to have this opportunity because I really do believe that there shouldnโ€™t be one cookie cutter body type that everyone is aspiring to be,โ€ she told the magazine.

โ€œI grew up thinking that because my body type was uncommon, it was a bad thing,โ€ she told Cosmopolitan. โ€œNow that Iโ€™m older, Iโ€™ve really begun to realise that Iโ€™m really proud that my body has developed for a purpose and not just to be looked at.โ€

โ€œTo be honest, it took a lot of time to develop a healthier relationship with food and with my weight. My mind was backward. I thought I wanted my body to look a certain way so I could be happy.โ€

Misty Copeland was told she would never make it in ballet as she didnโ€™t have the right body type to be a ballerina. This year she became the first African-American woman in the 75-year history of the American Ballet Theatre to be named a principal dancer and she was also named as one of Time magazineโ€™s 100 Most Influential People of 2015. โ€œAll you can do is be your best self. Iโ€™ve always felt that I had to be that much more aware of how I present myself. Iโ€™m representing more than just me. I think every person should think that way.โ€

โ€œI believe with the right training and an understanding of how to take care of your body, you can mould it to be whatever you want it to be.โ€

Serena Williams is one of the most successful female athletes of all time, but through much of her career has been the target of hurtful criticism over her athletic physique. โ€œIโ€™ve been like this my whole life and I embrace me. I love how I look. I am a full woman and Iโ€™m strong, and Iโ€™m powerful, and Iโ€™m beautiful at the same time,โ€ the 33-year-old told Good Morning America. โ€œI donโ€™t have time to be brought down, Iโ€™ve got too many things to do. I have grand slams to win, I have people to inspire, and thatโ€™s what Iโ€™m here for.โ€

Khloe Kardashian credits the gym with helping her overcome a number of difficulties in her personal life, using it as a refuge, using fitness as โ€œa form of therapy and as a stress reliever.โ€ 

โ€œMy fitness journey will be a life long journey. Fitness is not about being better than someone elseโ€ฆ Itโ€™s about being better than you used to be. Iโ€™m not where I want to be and who knows if I ever will be,โ€ she wrote on Instagram. โ€œBut I am healthier than ever and due to my consistent workouts, I am slowly seeing results.โ€

โ€œLooking back at pictures of myself I didnโ€™t realise at the time how unhealthy my lifestyle actually was. People love to call me the fat one but as weird as it sounds I still donโ€™t think I would consider myself fat back then. Definitely overweight and unhealthy, yes. About two years ago I decided to turn to fitness as a form of therapy and as a stress reliever. I started slow and eventually I started working out 4 to 5 days a week,โ€ she wrote in the photoโ€™s caption.โ€

โ€œWe all have to start somewhere and doing something is better than nothing at all. Start small so you donโ€™t get discouraged and give up. Remember it is all about consistency. There are no quick fixes if you want long-term results. Working out is a huge part of my life now. I genuinely enjoy sweating out my frustrations and living a healthier life. My workouts are not all about vanity. They are about clarity for my mind and soul. We all have different journeys in life, make sure your journey is for you and you alone. Remember in the end the turtle won the race. Slow and steady. dedication and tenacity.โ€

โ€œIt ainโ€™t about the ass, itโ€™s about the brain,โ€ says Girls star Lena Dunham who says it took her a long time to understand the importance of exercise for overall wellbeing. โ€œTo those struggling with anxiety, OCD, depression: I know itโ€™s mad annoying when people tell you to exercise, and it took me about 16 medicated years to listen. Iโ€™m glad I did.'โ€

โ€œAs a younger person โ€ฆ I was like, โ€˜I love my body and I feel good about who I am, so I donโ€™t need to fucking exercise.โ€™ I didnโ€™t understand that itโ€™s about so much more. You have to move so you donโ€™t die. You have to move so your brain doesnโ€™t atrophy. You have to move so that you look a little bit like a person that you might want to be.โ€

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Talking Business With Michelle Bridges

The fitness guru spills the beans about her burgeoning business empire.

Michelle Bridges is a one-woman powerhouse โ€“ fronting a booming empire that spans best-selling books, DVDs, exercise wear, a vitamin range with Blackmores, a starring TV role and a distinct voice on the lucrative speakersโ€™ circuit. And we havenโ€™t even mentioned her little digital startup: her 12 Week Body Transformation program that has attracted hundreds of thousands of Australians โ€“ making her the unofficial personal trainer to the nation. We asked Michelle Bridges to reveal the secrets to her success.

MC: What kind of boss are you? 


MB: When Iโ€™m not travelling, Iโ€™m usually in the office 3-5 times a week to keep in regular contact with my team, keeping the communication flowing and helping put out any fires. We employ about 70 people in general, but I have a core team of 8-10 people in the MB Team Sydney office and I trust them completely. I like to hand the reins over to them as they know what theyโ€™re doing.

MC: How did you transition from personal trainer to running such a massive brand? 


MB: I worked in the fitness industry for such a long time. I realised there are only so many things you can do: you can be a personal trainer, be a group fitness instructor, own your own studio etc. I did all those things and I achieved a lot but still I wasnโ€™t fulfilled. I saw that people were hungry for the kind of information I was giving them in personal training sessions and thought I needed to get my message out to more people. So I started writing columns for magazines and newspapers. Then I pitched a fitness segment to morning TV which ended up being popular, before getting the call from The Biggest Loser. I took the risk and quit everything to do it in 2005.

MC: Did you have days when you wanted to throw it all in?


MB: Oh my god YES!! I canโ€™t tell you how many days I spent going backwards, questioning myself and my plans `why am I doing this? It will all fail. But I kept talking myself into it every time: `I can do this.โ€™ `Why not me? If not me, who?โ€™ I just kept refuelling that flame so I was ready to get my hands dirty and do it all again tomorrow.

MC: When did you know that the 12 Week Body Transformation program was going to be a hit? 


MB: I remember the first round of 12WBT was so exciting and so memorable and we thought weโ€™d throw a party in Sydneyโ€™s Darling Harbour for people who had reached their goals. On the day of the party I sent out an email to those attending to say Iโ€™m going for a run in the Domain at midday if anyone wanted to join me. I arrived to see this mass of women and I burst into tears. I remember thinking `Oh my God โ€“ these people are real.โ€™ Up until then they were all email addresses. It was magical.

And then I started hearing these womenโ€™s stories. There were so many stories โ€“ it gives me goosebumps thinking about them. Women were coming up to me and saying `Youโ€™ve saved my marriageโ€™; Kids were saying to me `youโ€™ve given me back my mummyโ€™; women have had babies who previously couldnโ€™t fall pregnant. There was one woman I remember who wanted to lose weight so she could donate a kidney to her teenage son. Honestly the stories of achievement are so inspirational โ€“ they often leave me in tears. Sometimes I canโ€™t let myself go there cos I think `I have to keep my shit togetherโ€™.โ€™โ€™

MC: Whatโ€™s on the agenda for this year from a business perspective? 


MB: We are all geared up for a big 2015 because The Biggest Loser will be back on air and my 12th book, Powerful Living, has just launched. We have got a major initiative kicking off next year โ€“ we are moving into a whole new category โ€“ but itโ€™s currently top secret. Business-wise we have spent the last year beefing up our management team and refining our core competencies ready for the year ahead. Itโ€™s going to be a biggie!

MC: Whatโ€™s happening with your plans in the US?


MB: Weโ€™re keeping a presence in the US but weโ€™ve had to scale back due to my time commitments here in Australia. That will change though as we restructure here, then we will look at international markets as a whole which is much more exciting.

MC: What are you personally looking forward to?


MB: One of the big things I am involved in is the Motherโ€™s Day Classic on Sunday May 10th, which I am really excited about. This is particularly close to my heart, because like many people in Australia I have a family history of breast cancer. My Grandmother had a mastectomy and both my mother and I are regularly checked. I am so honoured and proud to be an Ambassador and I canโ€™t wait to see everyone out there in force!โ€ (Visit Mothers Day Classic for details).

MC: What about some time-out? 


MB: I wonโ€™t see daylight until September so Iโ€™ll be ready for a break then. Think sun, pool, margaritas!โ€™โ€™

For the complete interview with Michelle Bridges โ€“ including her Top 5 Tips for Success โ€“ see the @work pages in the February 2015 issue of marie claire.

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How To Act Like A Boss

You donโ€™t have to be the boss to act like a boss

Do you want to be a #girlboss?

Well, the way you carry yourself can help you get that corner office.

It might be time you re-think the way you walk, show youโ€™re listening, sit and shake hands. (A little refresher never hurt anyone, right?)

How toโ€ฆ walk


If your stance isnโ€™t right when you walk through the office or into a meeting, you could be giving others the wrong impression about your capabilities. โ€œThe slower your pace, the more confident you can appear,โ€ says workplace body language expert David Alssema of Paramount Training & Development. โ€œPeople who ooze confidence donโ€™t check their surroundings.โ€ The perfect walk? โ€œA reasonable pace with your shoulders back, arms at your sides, head high, good eye contact and a smile.โ€

How toโ€ฆ show youโ€™re listening


โ€œNodding during a conversation not only shows you are listening and understand what the other person is saying, but it can also assist you in getting people to believe you are on the same wavelength as them,โ€ says Alssema. โ€œItโ€™s natural to mirror people, so nodding helps reach a positive outcome. Itโ€™s a great way to connect and build relationships.โ€

How toโ€ฆ sit


Sitting slumped at your desk doesnโ€™t exactly convey enthusiasm. The best way to show youโ€™re alert and interested is by โ€œsitting upright on the edge of a chair, with a slight inward lean,โ€ says Alssema. If youโ€™re holding a pen, you can point to something on a piece of paper, but limit how much you use it. โ€œVisual props can cause distraction, so be careful not to play with anything youโ€™re holding,โ€ advises Alssema.

How toโ€ฆ shake hands


Getting a handshake right relays that youโ€™re both professional and friendly. โ€œStarting off firm, then adjusting your grip to match the other personโ€™s shake is ideal,โ€ says Alssema. If youโ€™re on the receiving end of a โ€œpower handshakeโ€, where the other person tries to turn their hand on top of yours to show their dominance, there is a simple way to reassert your authority. โ€œBring their hand closer to your body,โ€ says Alssema. โ€œTake a few steps towards themโ€ฆ Their hand will straighten up and become a normal handshake once again.โ€

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Why We All Need To Learn To Fail At Work

Sometimes having the courage to fail is harder than finding the strength to succeed.

Nobody wants to be branded a failure, but now it seems the real talent in life is learning how to fail. 

โ€œFear underlies most human concerns of distress, whether it is legitimate fear or an imagined one of loss or failure,โ€ explains Dr. Erica Frydenberg, educational and clinical psychologist, University of Melbourne. โ€œIt is underscored by a negative mind set, โ€˜what ifโ€ฆ I donโ€™t get the job?โ€™ Like all good coping skills, a capacity to deal with setbacks and failure can be learned,โ€ she explains. 

Believe in yourself


Diane Lang, US psychotherapist and author of โ€œCreating Balance and Finding Happinessโ€, recommends using your fear as a motivator to reach your full potential. She advises asking questions, like โ€˜what can I do to change my fear?โ€™ โ€œWhen you start working though your fears by taking risks, you immediately feel positive reinforcement that motivates you to continue. The end result wonโ€™t matter as much as the effort and risk taking,โ€ she says.

โ€œOften our ability to see failure as a positive will help us to gain insight and learnings that make that perceived failure a success,โ€ explains Melissa Scott, Lifecoach at Equinox Life Coaching. If you find it hard to be positive then remove yourself from the equation. For example, what advice would you give a friend? We tend to be kinder to our friends than ourselves โ€“ but also more realistic.

Fail harder


At facebook new employees are allegedly told to โ€˜fail harderโ€™ โ€“ the idea that the more we fail the more we are driven to succeed. For Katherine Barbeler, Senior Account Supervisor at Weber Shandwick Australia, a fear-free culture at work led to success: โ€œMy team and I often come up with our best ideas when weโ€™re given free reign and have the chance to add flare. Recently one of my โ€˜out-thereโ€™ ideas, which seemed impossible to implement, was built on and developed into a campaign that would generate great results for the product.โ€

And itโ€™s not just the big things that can send us into a tailspin at the thought of failure. The Tony Ferguson Weightloss Poll 2013* revealed that 54 per cent of Aussies are too embarrassed to admit theyโ€™re dieting โ€“ with the majority saying they fear failure. Someone who worries about not succeeding tends to aim either too high (โ€˜I must lose 3kg a weekโ€™) or too low (โ€˜Iโ€™ll only fail so why botherโ€™). A far healthier attitude would be to aim for .5-1kg a week.

Live fearlessly


โ€œFear to me means False Evidence Appearing Real โ€“ itโ€™s just a thought and nothing else,โ€ says Shannah Kennedy, author of Simplify Structure Success (www.shannahkennedy.com). โ€œOvercome it by acknowledging what the fear is, where itโ€™s from, and if itโ€™s real. Write it down and then cross it out. Take five deep breathes and write down the positives. Think about how it would feel to push through your fear and come out the other side.โ€ Instead of giving into your fears acknowledge your emotions, and ask whatโ€™s the worst that could happen?

โ€œMaking a mistake means youโ€™re taking a risk,โ€ concludes Lang. โ€œPeople who take risks are the happiest and most successful โ€“ you canโ€™t live your dreams without taking a risk. Sometimes that risk turns into the best decision you ever made and sometimes it turns out to be aโ€ฆ mistake. But whether itโ€™s a success or mistake you feel a sense of accomplishment.โ€ The truth is we really do learn from our mistakes โ€“ and a happy, healthy person is always learning.

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Meet The Woman Behind Kate Middletonโ€™s Style

Shorter hemlines, sheer dresses and ray bansโ€ฆ the Duchess of Cambridgeโ€™s style is evolving โ€“ and thereโ€™s one woman responsible: Natasha Archer.

The duchess is currently on a royal tour of India and Bhutan with Prince William, and her style choices have been making headlines for all the right reasons.

So far, weโ€™ve seen two sheer dresses by Temperley London, a patterned maxi dress by UK high street brand Glamourous, a bright red McQueen two-piece with an Indian inspired print, some Zara jeans, and an altered dress by Indian designer, Anita Dongre. 

RELATED: Kate Middleton Looks Elegant Even When Boxing

As a result, thereโ€™s been a slight relaxing of the normally rigid, buttoned up style that the Duchessโ€™ Royal duties require. On one occasion she was even spotted wearing Ray Bans.

The Duchessโ€™ PA-turned-stylist Natasha Archer has been working hard behind the scenes to help the Duchess source looks for the tour.

Designer Anita Dongre said that Natasha contacted her a month ago to request clothes for the Duchess. Dongre told The Telegraph, โ€œHer stylist emailed us and and we sent her a look book, then she came in and got some pieces for fittings.โ€ 

Natasha and Kate decided on the โ€˜Gulrukhโ€™ dress, but decided to give it a royal update. โ€œHer stylist has taken the stole and converted part of that into the belt and then chopped it off so it can be worn as a dress. Sheโ€™s amazing โ€“ it looks easy, breezy and so contemporary,โ€ Dongre said.

RELATED: Duchess Catherine dazzles in a Jenny Packham dress

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Workplace Email Fails And How To Avoid Them

It's still the main source of office dialogue, but not everyone excels at it.

Are you one of these repeat offenders?

THE AGGRESSIVE EMAILER


From: The boss

To: The employee

Subject: Project X Needs to be finished by 10am. MUST NOT BE LATE.

โ€œItโ€™s easier to look bad on email than it is to look good,โ€ says business coach Geoff Hetherington. โ€œWhile brevity is key, emails should be written in a personal voice. A better approach would be, โ€˜Hi employee, is Project X on track to be finished at the due time of 10am? Itโ€™s vital we make our deadline. Thanks, the boss.'โ€

The takeaway: check tone and think, โ€œWould you like to receive this email from your boss?โ€

THE REPLY-ALL CHAIN EMAILER


From: A work colleague

To: The team

Subject: RE: RE: RE: FW: Proposal

Hi all,
Can you read and come back to me with ideas re: attached document?

โ€œHitting reply all is dangerous,โ€ says Hetherington. โ€œBusiness information can leak out very quickly that way.โ€ And the same goes for CCโ€™ing every man and their dog. โ€œIf you have to email a lot of people, put them in the BCC area so others donโ€™t have to scroll halfway down their screen to read your message.

THE NEW BFF EMAILER


From: Business contact

To: Client

Subject: Happy Friday, hun!

Hey babe, hope all is good โ€“ Iโ€™m gagging for Friday night drinks! LOL! Just checking in on the pitch I sent over the other day โ€“ whatโ€™d u think? xx

Terms of endearments are a big no-no in work emails according to career and business coach Annemarie Cross. โ€œYou run the risk of offending your contact,โ€ she warns. โ€œThereโ€™s a level of professionalism needed, and donโ€™t assume people know what abbreviations and emoticons mean.โ€

THE TOO-MANY-QUESTIONS EMAILER


From: Employee

To: The Boss

Subject: Sorry to bother you
I have several questions about the project Iโ€™m working on. First, Iโ€™m unclear on what column A should contain. And when should I brief in my fellow employee on the next stage? Also are there any recommendations for formatting and style?

โ€œThis is a lot of broad questions for one email,โ€ says Cross. โ€œWhen emailing the boss itโ€™s important to be concise and refer to the content of the email in the subject. Ask yourself, can I pick up the phone or organise a meeting?โ€

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6 Hazards That Could Kill Your Career

Lion tamers aren't the only ones with workplace perils. We take a look at the health hazards that are lurking among the cubicles in your office - and how to avoid them.

Manic multi-tasking


The Damage: Multi-tasking impedes long- and short-term memory and affects overall mental performance, as the brain loses the ability to stay on target, according to 2011 research by San Franciscoโ€™s University of California. 


The Fix: Become a one-task woman. Segment your day into separate tasks, doing the important things first, advises the Australian Medical Associationโ€™s Dr Leon Massage. Need help? Try the Pomodoro app (available from iTunes), which prompts you to focus on a task without interruption for 25 minutes at a time before taking a five-minute break to refresh. Consider allocating set times throughout the day for phone calls, emails and idle chitchat. Write a new task list at the end of each afternoon to ensure you start every day with renewed focus, and spend 10 minutes before you leave the office filing paperwork and emails to maximise mental performance and minimise stress while working.

Boardroom bullies


The Damage: A toxic environment in the office contributes to general health issues for the victims of workplace bullying and witnesses alike, according to a 2011 University of Auckland study. 


The Fix: โ€œSeeking assistance from someone objective, such as a psychologist, will help you to gain some perspective and be able to view the behaviour as a characteristic of the bully, which protects self-esteem,โ€ explains psychologist Dr Vicki Williams. She also suggests looking to areas of your life outside the office to gain self-confidence and increase personal fulfilment. This could involve indulging your interests or setting new personal goals that help provide you with purpose and joy โ€“ from completing a fun run to learning how to swing dance.

Chained to the desk


The Damage: Recent research by the University of Western Australia reveals that working in a desk job every day for a decade doubles your risk of bowel cancer, even if you undertake regular physical exercise outside the workplace. 

The Fix: Introduce as much movement into your day as possible, says Dr Angus Pyke, of The Chiropractorsโ€™ Association of Australia. Set an alarm for every 50 minutes to remind yourself to get up and walk around, and sip some water to remain hydrated. Dr Pyke also advises doing chair aerobics. โ€œSimply move your body, shrug your shoulders and stretch your arms while sitting down,โ€ he says. He recommends โ€œwalkingโ€ meetings around the block as a healthier alternative to boardroom or cafe catch-ups.

An unbearable boss

The damage: In 2008, the Stress Research Institute of Stockholm University found that employees with incompetent, inconsiderate, secretive and uncommunicative managers were 60 per cent more likely to suffer a heart attack or other cardiac condition.

The Fix: Expressing your anger and frustration at poor leadership is important, says Dr Williams, so cope with stress by chatting with trustworthy friends, taking regular walks outdoors, or through relaxation techniques, such as meditation. She also recommends gaining control of other areas of your personal life, such as your finances. โ€œThe greater your sense of control in general, the more resilient you will be to poor leadership at work,โ€ adds Dr Williams.

Ladies who (donโ€™t) lunch

The Damage: More than 20 per cent of employees eat at their desks, and an additional 13 per cent rarely take the time for lunch at all, increasing the risk of numerous chronic health issues including diabetes, heart disease and cardiovascular disease. Plus, thereโ€™s the added risk of infection from salmonella and E. coli, with research showing that desks can harbour 400 times the bacteria of a toilet seat.


The Fix: โ€œItโ€™s essential to have a physical or mental break,โ€ says Dr Massage. โ€œSchedule a time to go out for a walk and get some fresh air and sunlight.โ€ This also tops up your vitamin D, which increases cellular energy levels and helps you recharge for the afternoonโ€™s work. Just 10 minutes will do the trick.

Overdoing overtime

The Damage: Working more than 11 hours a day increases your risk of heart disease by 67 per cent, a 2011 study by University College London found. 


The Fix: โ€œPlan to be somewhere at the end of the day and use that as motivation to choose which tasks to focus on to get you out the door on time,โ€ advises Emma Grey, director of life-balance training company WorkLifeBliss. โ€œMonitor your hours and commitments outside work and communicate these with your boss.โ€ Delegate when possible, practise saying no, and ask yourself whether your motivation for taking on extra work is more about your self-esteem than your work ethic. Canโ€™t avoid overtime? Keep the rest of your life well balanced with quality sleep, nutrition and exercise.

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5 Ways To Transform Your Confidence At Work

From your hair to your attitude, let your confidence shine from the inside out with our beauty and lifestyle tips to looking and feeling like a leader in the work place.

Banish bad hair days

According to surveys, when their hair looks and feels great, 65% of Australian women are left feeling more confident and 44% feeling more attractive. Turns out that frizz, flyaways and split ends donโ€™t just create lacklustre locks, they dull your mood too.

So time to turn up the volume on your โ€˜do and show co-workers what youโ€™re capable of. Pantene Pro-V Daily Moisture Renewal Shampoo and Conditioner addresses damaged hair by nourishing and protecting each and every strand with every wash thanks to keratin damage blockers that help defend hair against irreversible damage.

Dress for Success


Look the part! You donโ€™t have to wear a power suit to prove a point but that doesnโ€™t mean you canโ€™t dress to wow. Try commanding attention with a new pair of bright summer sandals or show your fashion savvy with the latest block heel, either choice will give your height and confidence a lift.


Combined with polished hair and make-up, a sleek and chic wardrobe will ensure you exude new levels of healthy determination. Youโ€™ll discover youโ€™re more assertive in meetings, proactive with deadlines and vocal with your ideas. So go ahead and step it up, but just be sure to still be you when youโ€™re keeping up appearances.

Boost your nutrition


Returning to the office after the holidays might mean youโ€™re now faced with vending machines, happy hours and an endless supply of coffee but staying healthy doesnโ€™t have to be a chore.


Dietician and Sports Nutritionist Robbie Clark suggests that if you do find yourself socialising a few days or nights a week, to make sure that the food you eat at home is as nutritious and healthy as possible. โ€œTry to add in as many antioxidants, vegetables, sprouts, herbs and spices for a nutrient dense meal,โ€ she says. Then whatever youโ€™ve got left over, take for those days that you are stuck eating lunch at your desk. A healthy diet will not only boost your brain power, your internal health will translate to glowing skin and glossy locks too.

Get fit (without the gym)


Feeling fulfilled at work relies on how you feel within yourself. Reboot your nine-to-five routine with lifestyle choices thatโ€™ll ensure you wake up with a can-do attitude each morning. A much better option to hitting the snooze button.


If you drive to work, park the car further away than usual, or get off the bus a stop early so you start the day off with long strides as opposed to sitting down. Take a break from your desk by cruising the corridors to check in with colleagues and take the stairs instead of the lift to arrive at internal meetings. Exercise will not only increase your endorphin dose but itโ€™s also a great stress buster too.

Act like a girl boss


People who can make decisions quickly are rewarded just as speedily for having confidence to get the job done. Allowing your colleagues to see what a champion problem solver you are will increase their confidence in you and bolster your productivity and potential so much that seeking out that pay rise or promotion wonโ€™t seem so out of reach after all.


Still a little desk shy? Research shows that simply acting confident will put the right hormones into action to make you feel like youโ€™re in control. Testosterone is what makes us feel powerful and if you start chanelling that feeling itโ€™s been proven that you will actually start behaving more authoritatively over time.

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Be Your Own Career Coach

Coming up with a plan of attack for your career can be tricky.

One of the best ways to stay on a winning streak is by working with a career coach. Here, some top experts reveal eight ways to take matters into your own hands.

The Self Assessment


Complete the following exercises to discover how satisfied you are at work.


Exercise one


Answer yes or no to these statements to rate your overall satisfaction at work. The more nos, the more youโ€™ll benefit from some DIY coaching.


โ€“ Are you happy in your job?
โ€“ Do you feel fulfilled in your current position?
โ€“ Is your role one that you aspire to?
โ€“ Do you feel motivated and enthusiastic on Monday mornings?
โ€“ Do you have a clear career plan?
โ€“ Does your role inspire you?

Exercise two


Consider how satisfied you are in your job on a daily, weekly and long-term basis. 

Mark your daily, weekly and long-term satisfaction out of 10, thinking about how inspired and motivated you feel, your career prospects and where youโ€™d like to be. (Itโ€™s important to look at your job on this basis as everyone can have a bad week, which would affect your score.) 


If you score an average of eight or above, youโ€™re doing well. Between five and seven, and a little bit of work could elevate your career. 


If you score five or below, some DIY career coaching will be just the thing to shake up your nine-to-five.

The Strength Identifier


According to Jane Lowder, founder of Max Coaching, to advance your career you need to know your strengths. โ€œIf you ask yourself, โ€˜What are my top three skills?โ€™ and draw a blank, then this activity is perfect,โ€ advises Lowder. โ€œEmail five trusted work colleagues, past or present, and ask, โ€˜In your opinion, what are my top three strengths that will help advance my career?โ€™โ€ The answers may be surprising, but, explains Lowder, โ€œThere are three benefits from this activity. It builds self-awareness, it boosts confidence, and it provides content that can be added to your rรฉsumรฉ and used at interview.โ€

The Thought Changer


Weโ€™ve all been guilty of self-limiting behaviour that can hinder job progress, but Rebecca Ryan, of consulting and coaching company Mindality, has a coping strategy: โ€œSet a stopwatch for three minutes. Think about your working day and write down the thoughts that pop into your head. Identify those that cause you to doubt your ability to succeed.โ€ Next to each, add a statement to challenge it. An example might be: โ€œI donโ€™t feel as if my boss likes me,โ€ and โ€œShe chose me to run a new project.โ€ And get into the habit of questioning your negative thoughts at work.

The Constant Calculator


โ€œItโ€™s important to capitalise on our strengths, but itโ€™s equally important to be aware of the constraints that hold us back from reaching our goals,โ€ explains career coach Sam Patterson. Identify two things that let down your performance at work โ€“ you can seek opinions from trusted colleagues. โ€œCommit to some actions to overcome those constraints,โ€ adds Patterson. โ€œSet yourself a target of asking for weekly feedback from your colleagues so you can learn from your own behaviour, such as, โ€˜Iโ€™m working on my confidence/time-keeping/delegation skills. On a scale of one to 10, how am I doing?โ€™โ€

The Leadership Challenge


โ€œIf youโ€™ve ever wanted to be an amazing leader, the great news is that you can become that person now,โ€ insists Patterson. To find your inner leader, he suggests thinking of the best leader you know. List seven characteristics that you believe make them outstanding in their role and score yourself out of 10 for each one. โ€œThen, take the three characteristics you score lowest for and come up with one action (whether itโ€™s taking a course on public speaking or mentoring a younger colleague) for each that you can put into place to help you become a better leader,โ€ recommends Patterson.

The Profile Builder


Building a profile within your industry is integral to long-term work success. Lowderโ€™s advice is to identify a book, a blog and a thought leader in your field, read them and follow that person on whichever social media forums they participate in. โ€œWithin a short amount of time, you will have increased your expertise substantially,โ€ she confirms. โ€œLeverage this expertise to build your profile โ€“ start a blog, or tweet on the subject, post comments on blogs, and contribute to related LinkedIn groups and online discussions. A strong public profile can create opportunities that may otherwise pass you by.โ€

The 10-Minute Test


You could change your career in 10 minutes if you use this technique, states Ryan. โ€œSpend 10 minutes asking yourself about the past week. What worked well? What could you do differently? What did you discover about yourself? What can you do to take you outside your comfort zone?โ€ Write down the things youโ€™d like to work on for the week ahead and tick them off as you achieve them. โ€œItโ€™s important to ensure you donโ€™t fall into a rut or become complacent โ€“ consistent reflection is important to ensure you continue to grow.โ€

The Action Plan


To identify which areas need attention, try this DIY career health check recommended by Ryan. โ€œDivide a sheet of paper into three columns โ€“ โ€˜Where I amโ€™, โ€˜Where I want to beโ€™ and โ€˜Gapsโ€™. Write down all the skills, abilities, knowledge and qualifications you have now in the first column, then those you require to be successful at the level you want to be in the second. Identify the differences and record them in the โ€˜Gapsโ€™ column.โ€ Use this information to create an action plan to steer your career towards your goals.

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Heels Vs. Flats: The Ultimate Shoe Challenge

Itโ€™s undeniable: flat shoes are back. So could a heel devotee learn to love loafers? And could a flat aficionado survive in stilettos? Here, two writers spend a week in another womanโ€™s shoes.

HANNAH BETTS: High heel addict

High heels are my crack. I have won tennis matches in them, shovelled cow manure while wearing them, even scaled the lower reaches of the Matterhorn in the Alps in a dashing black velvet and diamantรฉ number.

When people speculate on my height, they opt for around 180cm, which is the airspace Iโ€™ve been occupying for so long it feels like home โ€“ despite the fact that Mother Nature rendered me only 172cm. I have an old-fashioned hourglass figure โ€“ and I want an old-fashioned accessory to go with it. I crave the sinuous allure of a โ€™30s screen siren, or the ballsy bravura of a Helmut Newton glamazon โ€“ a look difficult to pull off when youโ€™re clomping around in a pair of sneakers.

And yet, of late, my fixation has seemed outmoded. Fashionโ€™s new mood is all relaxed shapes and sporty separates (lycra, anyone?) making the very thought of a crippling pump feel footballersโ€™ wife-esque and just terribly passรฉ.

Enter the flat. For autumn/winter 2014, Calvin Klein sent models down the catwalk in ethereal frocks juxtaposed with combat boots, and at Lanvin, brogues with silk dresses. Chanel did trainers, while Valentino, Saint Laurent and Miu Miu played about with strapped ballet pumps. The models may have been relieved; I was traumatised.

By clinging to my heels, I was starting to look frumpish. Then, marie claire suggested I trade in my beloved stilettos for flats in the name of journalism. I have never greeted a commission with more angst.

Day one

Refuseniks may claim that heels are painful, but that is nothing to the agony of having to pair my Chanel matador jacket with flats from cult London shoe label Bionda Castana for cocktails. They work sassily with the vibe and are terribly pretty: all ankle laces, ruby red and nude net. However, I feel reduced to the size of a festive elf. On the upside: I can escape home on foot.


 
Day two


What would a shoe challenge be without throwing a designer trainer into the mix? After all, we live in a time when the kaiser himself, Karl Lagerfeld, has paired jewelled tweed jackets with sneakers. In this spirit, I attempt Jimmy Choo trainers, which make my ankles vanish and my legs look podgily swollen. I feel insignificant and Hobbit-like. That said, my male friends have never been more attentive: plying me with drinks, bending down to whisper in my ear, steering me through crowds. โ€œYouโ€™re less threatening smaller,โ€ confides one towering male. I kick him with my brogue.

โ€œI feel insignificant and Hobbit-like.โ€

Hannah Betts

Day three


OK, I cheated. I was off to a fabulous party sure to be chock-full of gorgeous men and I needed the sass only heels can provide. I would apologise, but then I met a super-hot 193cm specimen, didnโ€™t have to bite his knee to get his attention, and felt entirely vindicated. Journalism: nil; flirting: off the scale.

Day four


Cheery, but chastened, I resolve to play by the rules, despite feeling about as hot as a leftover cocktail canapรฉ. โ€œYou have to learn to be sexy in a less obvious way,โ€ admonishes an Alexa Chung-type friend, who only does flats. โ€œThink gamine, think Audrey.โ€ This is tough given my non-Hepburn clownโ€™s feet, vast shoulders and E-cup bust only make sense when Iโ€™m being faux tall. Still, Iโ€™m starting to understand the proportions. If my flats are sleek and pointed, ร  la Rupert Sandersonโ€™s crystal bedecked patent pair, and I hold myself correctly, I donโ€™t look quite so much like a โ€™70s Soviet shot-putter.

Day five


โ€œSo youโ€™re dressing for women now rather than for men?โ€ snarls a catty colleague. I inform her that, as a feminist, I only ever dress for myself. Still, in my metallic Nicholas Kirkwood loafers, I am certainly at the same height as more women โ€“ and itโ€™s a blast. We can drink and dance with abandon, compare notes about boys without being overheard, then sprint between parties should we get bored.

Days six & seven


Iโ€™ve cracked it. My Paul Andrew velvet slippers look amazing with my tux, while my evening sheath has rarely appeared more elegant than with Bodenโ€™s pointy, jewelled flats (I love them so much, I invest in four pairs). Finally, I feel feminine and, I admit it, cool. Damn it, I even end up pashing someone.

By the weekโ€™s end, I have saved on cab fares and experienced a certain ease that maybe, just maybe, translates as having more fun. My look evolved to become less obviously glam, more chicly carefree. But when has foot fetishism ever been about practicality? Back in my stilettos, I feel myself again, rather than some moody mini-me. I may opt for the odd pointed shoe in 2015, but โ€“ while my knees hold out โ€“ Iโ€™ll stick to walking tall.

VICTORIA MOSS: Flat shoe lover

Some women might look down at the line-up of Jimmy Choo, Sophia Webster, Rupert Sanderson and Bionda Castana heels, which crowded my living room floor, and squeal with joy. Not me. In my eyes, these shoes are just aesthetically pleasing instruments of torture which for the next week, at the behest of marie claire, would take the place of my cherished flats.

It wasnโ€™t always this way. In my 20s I traipsed around from morning till night in all sorts of vertiginous heels. They made me feel that bit more grown up than my inner-shaky 20s confidence did. But I got bored of wobbling around in doorways while I changed into a heel to make a more fitting entrance into parties. Running (in a pair of Robert Clergerie platforms) late for a show at fashion week, I lost my balance and made a rather dramatic beeline for the pavement. Not very chic.

Luckily, as it turned out, fashion was thinking the same way as me. Seriously fit looking flats were appearing everywhere, offering myriad alternatives to a scruffy old ballet pump: Valentino Rockstuds, Fendi snakeskin brogues, Miu Miu loafers, which are perfect with a midi skirt, and I havenโ€™t met a culotte that I couldnโ€™t work with my Jรฉrรดme Dreyfuss sneakers.

Day one


Currently, my ideal party shoe would be a spangly Chanel trainer โ€“ not the glitter covered Jimmy Choo pointed stiletto, which I am trying to jam my foot into. This Cinderella does not so much go to the ball, as hobble in agony to the front door. I wrench them off, run outside in my bare feet and hail a cab. Heels back on, I grimace and make it into the pre-dinner cocktail party. I canโ€™t bear to walk far, so stand on one spot and beckon people over to me like some sort of minor member of the royal family. After removing them, I canโ€™t bear to put them back on so I say my goodbyes barefoot and hail another taxi home. So far, so expensive. 

โ€œCurrently, my ideal party shoe would be a spangly Chanel trainerโ€

Victoria Moss

Day two


Another party, but this time thankfully at home. Itโ€™s the perfect opportunity to road test the Sophia Webster giant jewelled platforms. They make me around 183cm so I tower over everyone, which is fun at first when I am in fabulous hostess greeting mode, but after a while I start to feel like a bean pole bearing a cocktail shaker. I am terrified about toppling over in them. (Never before has a pair of shoes made me fear a stiff breeze.) I change into a chic Alexander White pair of suede sandals, which lower me โ€“ and my anxiety levels โ€“ a bit. I last until 11pm, at which point I can take the burning of my soles no longer, plus everyoneโ€™s started dancing. I change into my slippers and join in.

Day four


Off for drinks and dinner. The restaurant weโ€™ve chosen is a five-minute stroll from my front door, but tonight, undertaking that journey in my Bionda Castana fringed booties takes three times as long. Everyone else is very off-duty casual (I look wistfully down at my friendโ€™s Adidas Stan Smiths) and so I feel slightly over the top with my heels on, despite the fact that these are actually the comfiest yet. I even manage to skip home in them. (Though that could have been the doing of the martinis โ€ฆ)

Day five


The next evening I take my hangover to a party and accessorise it with another pair of Sophia Websters, this time a wonderfully theatrical pair of tiger-striped sandals. There is a lot of gasping over the shoes. They are rather wonderful looking things. My ego enjoys the attention, but after a couple of hours my poor, pained feet do not. All I can think about is taking off the shoes, as pretty as they may be. The bottom line: I am just not enjoying myself as much as I normally would.

Day seven


Ultimately, I know I donโ€™t need to rely on a pair of shoes to make me feel confident or sexy or cool. Sure, there is something in the way a (manageable) heel makes you walk about that is fun (and conjures up images of strutting into boardrooms in a sort of Melanie Griffith Working Girl fantasy), but I work at home where my boardroom-strutting opportunities are distinctly limited.

Being as fickle as any self-respecting fashion lover, I would never rule anything out and, sure, if I fell in love with a pair of heels, maybe Iโ€™d give them another go. But you know what? I like being able to skip around a room uninhibited, and not having to take into consideration whether a soiree will have seats before accepting. And I like knowing that, for the time being anyway, Iโ€™m absolutely in step with the fashion world.

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How To Wear Red Lipstick

Here's how to work a perfect day-to-night red lip.
Getty

Itโ€™s bold, glamorous and daring, synonymous with confidence and allure. So itโ€™s little wonder the colour red has been a make-up favourite for decades. โ€œItโ€™s an elemental, visceral colour โ€“ a reminder of whatโ€™s inside us,โ€ explains Dick Page, celebrity make-up artist and creative director for Shiseido, of this timeless trend. โ€œI think red lips are symbolic of female strength.โ€

โ€œRed used to be the ultimate in sophistication,โ€ says Mai Hua, Lโ€™Orรฉal Paris consultant and Paris-based colour designer. โ€œBut the feeling about the colour has changed. Now, it can also be relaxed,โ€ she continues, adding that the rules about wearing a scarlet hue have also altered. โ€œYou donโ€™t need to match your lipstick to your dress anymore โ€“ forget about the total lookโ€ฆexperiment, be emotional, not rational.โ€

Get The Look


When it comes to wearing bright lipstick, itโ€™s all about the application. โ€œBefore you start, apply a nourishing and moisturising lip protector, and blot to absorb any excess,โ€ suggests Page. โ€œWell-moisturised lips will repay your efforts, as the contours will stay sharply defined and your lipstick will last longer and look more luminous.โ€

If youโ€™re using lip liner, apply that first, and be sure to fill in your lips to avoid obvious lines, or simply move straight on to adding colour. โ€œTo define your lips, first smile. Then, for a natural look, start [painting] from the centre of your lips and work towards the edges,โ€ says Page of the perfect way to apply your lipstick.

When the product is new, you can apply it straight from the bullet, but as soon as that sharp tip wears down, he recommends using a lip brush. โ€œA retractable brush (or one with a cap) is most practical because you can keep it in your purse without getting lipstick on everything,โ€ he advises.

Choose Your Hue


While scarlet is a timeless choice, the options donโ€™t stop there. From pink-toned crimson to shades of merlot, thereโ€™s a red to suit everyone. โ€œI advise women to try different colours against their complexion,โ€ says Hua. โ€œHold up various [red-toned] scarves next to your cheek and youโ€™ll see if the colour suits you,โ€ she continues, adding that most skin tones can wear a range of reds; you just need to match them to your complexion.

Who Can Wear Red Lipstick?


โ€œAnybody can wear red,โ€ asserts Hua. โ€œIt can be warm or cool, so it can suit any complexion and any hair colour โ€“ itโ€™s a universal and flattering shade.โ€ Itโ€™s also just the thing if you want a little attention. โ€œItโ€™s a physical fact that red has the shortest wavelength, so itโ€™s the colour that will catch the eye first,โ€ adds Hua.

When selecting your new colour, invest in a highly pigmented shade that offers the depth of colour youโ€™re after in just one swipe. This is important, as too many coats can cause your lipstick to โ€œbleedโ€. Also consider a pencil to provide the perfect base. โ€œUsing a lip liner is a guaranteed way to increase the lasting power of a lipstick,โ€ says Page.

We like Chanel Precision Lip Definer in Rouge, $44. Prefer something more sheer? Top your lip liner with a gloss, like Max Factor Lipfinity in Charming, $30.95, โ€˜instead.

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I Want Her Job: Sally Spratt of The Lust List

We chat to the successful illustrator about her path to success.
Woman in a white shirt smiling in an art studio with paintings in the background.

How do you make a living when youโ€™ve always loved drawing and painting?

โ€œYou become a graphic designer,โ€ laughs Sally Spratt.

Having decided sheโ€™d โ€œnever make itโ€ doing what she most enjoyed, Spratt spent several years working in her second choice of career, โ€œbut I never truly loved it,โ€ she says.

Several years (and a substantial career pivot) later however, Sprattโ€™s signature watercolours are commissioned by a global client list that spans from Electrolux to Estรฉe Lauder.

Her path to success was a thoroughly modern one. โ€œIโ€™d just resigned, had no savings and was working odd jobs to support myself when my flatmate suggested I start an Instagram account,โ€ she says.

Intended as โ€œpartly an experiment, and mostly for a bit of stress reliefโ€, The Lust List โ€“ a daily post featuring illustrations of the fashionable items Spratt could no longer afford to buy โ€“ took off almost instantly.

Since launching two years ago, the account now boasts more than 100,000 followers.

It serves not just as a platform from which Sprattโ€™s clients can connect with her audience, but as a means of advertising her watercolour prints, posters and stationery which she sells online.

โ€œI only ever see 10 per cent of what I earn โ€“ the rest is invested โ€“ but I pinch myself every time a new job comes in,โ€ she says. โ€œI didnโ€™t in my wildest dreams imagine it could be this good.โ€

I left my job with no savings whatsoever


โ€œA lot of people told me it was going to be tough, and it was. But I reduced my goals to earning enough for food, rent and petrol, and that made things so much easier.โ€

Getting an agent was a no-brainer


โ€œThree months after starting The Lust List, I sent illustrated Christmas cards to fashion houses and publishers. Roxy Jacenko [founder of Sweaty Betty PR] called me up the moment she received hers, and I signed with [her agency] Ministry of Talent the next day. Sheโ€™s been a huge source of support and, like all good agents, a great champion of my brand.โ€

Thereโ€™s an art to building followers


โ€œMany think Instagram is about self promotion, but nobody has to see my face or my abs โ€“ they have nothing to do with my business. Allow your personality to come through, but know that a bit of modesty is appreciated. 

You need to be constantly visible


โ€œThis was one of the best pieces of advice I received. Someone may not want your work today, nor in another month, but if they donโ€™t see your work when they need you, theyโ€™re not going to think of you. So I emailed and wrote regularly to clients I wanted, and posted religiously to Instagram each day.โ€

I tried selling illustrated T-shirts a few years ago


โ€œMy heart wasnโ€™t wholly in it, though. You need to be fully committed in order to succeed. Then I sold illustrated gift cards for awhile. While working full-time I started making and selling [them] on Etsy and through a florist. Thatโ€™s when I realised that I have such a love for illustrating that it wasnโ€™t an effort. When you turn a hobby into a job โ€ฆ thatโ€™s the best kind of job.โ€

All roads lead to Rome

โ€œYou canโ€™t really make too many mistakes โ€“ theyโ€™re all lessons on where you want to take your business. Taking a seven-year โ€˜detourโ€™ via graphic design gave me the skills I needed to start The Lust List. Just follow your heart. Youโ€™ll get there. You can only do your absolute best. If it doesnโ€™t work, it doesnโ€™t work. You can only ever give it your best shot.

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Beauty School: How To Wear Pink Blush

How to wear the seasonโ€™s hottest make-up hue
marie claire

A healthy amount of rouge instantly refreshes a dull complexion.

Creams or gel formulas provide a sheer post-Pilates blush and can be blended with your fingers.

โ€œThe heat from your fingertips pushes it into skin evenly and you can build up the colour,โ€ says Victoria Baron, Chanel Australia make-up artist. Prefer powder? Layer formulas containing metallic flecks over matt skin for the most natural result.

โ€œApplying to a wet or dewy surface will cause blush to sit in pores and look uneven,โ€ says Baron, who also recommends investing in a kabuki brush, as โ€œit has a tapered tip so you can control the size of the brush strokes with the amount of pressure you apply.โ€

โ€œWherever you apply blush is where youโ€™re highlighting your cheekbones, so be wary of dragging down your face or using it as a contourโ€

THE BEST SHADES:


From fair skins tones (left) to dark (right)

INNOXA Lip & Cheek Stick in Hibiscus, $18.95.

URBAN DECAY Afterglow 8-Hour Powder Blush in Crush, $39.

NATIO Cream To Powder Blush in Joyful, $13.95.

SHU UEMURA Glow On Blush in Soft Pink, $45.

MAYBELLINE NEW YORK Master Glaze by Face Studio in Pink Fever, $15.95.

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Your A-List Colour Guide

Colour updates for blondes, brunettes and redheads for hot summer hair.
A person in a red dress at the Fragrance Foundation Awards 2015 with a backdrop featuring bees.
Kendall Jenner

BLONDE AMBITION: The It shade? Sun-kissed hues with soft golden tones, as seen on starlets such as Margot Robbie, Kate Bosworth and Gigi Hadid. โ€œThe current pale blonde will make way for vanillas, warming honeys and milky beiges,โ€ says colourist Simon Bright.

Insider tip: Shake up your shade by trying the blonde buzzword of the season: babylights. โ€œSuper-fine weaves are woven softly to create a natural, softer look,โ€ explains Bright. 

Youโ€™ll need: REDKEN Blonde Idol Custom-Tone Violet Conditioner, $39.95, boasts a customised colour deposit feature to maintain your hue and prevent brassiness.

Pro Secret: Request Olaplex at your next salon session. โ€œThis is the biggest revolution in hair colour for years,โ€ enthuses Bright. โ€œIt allows significant shade shifts without the damage.โ€

Kate Bosworth

RICH ESPRESSO: Deep mocha tones โ€“ ร  la model of the moment Kendall Jenner โ€“ is the look du jour. Think โ€œrich ash and espresso shadesโ€โ€, says Danielle Solier, Lโ€™Orรฉal Professionnel Colour.IST ambassador. For a believable brunette, stay within two levels of your base colour, and break up your block hue with โ€œmultiple tones and variations of highlights and lowlightsโ€, she adds.

Insider Tip: While itโ€™s more low-maintenance than most shades, a chocolate hue can look lacklustre over time with excessive washing and heat styling. Limit your shampoo session to every other day and put the (hot) tools down.

Youโ€™ll need: To boost shine, treat dark strands with a replenishing oil, like JOHN FRIEDA Frizz Ease Nourishing Oil Elixir, $16.99, which smooths frizz and lifts luminosity. Or at the salon, opt for a gloss treatment โ€œto add an alluring richness and reflect to your hairโ€โ€, says Solier.

โ€œKeep your base a dark chocolate truffle hue with fine deep caramels woven in seamlessly for a look of pure luxuryโ€ โ€“ Simon Bright, colourist

Kendall Jenner

COPPER TONES: Rose gold was seen on a surplus of celebs last season, but now the strawberry shade has been traded for โ€œvibrant, deep mahogany and fiery coppers full of intense shine that make a statement both on and off the red carpetโ€, says Bright. Gaining in popularity, A-listers like Jessica Chastain, Emma Stone and Agyness Deyn are all flaunting claret.

Insider Tip: Before switching to a flaming shade, consider your complexion โ€“ this look suits those with fair skin and light eyes, so consult your colourist if you have darker features. Your make-up bag will also need an overhaul: think bronze and golden tones to add warmth to skin.

Youโ€™ll need: Scarlet tones are notorious for colour fade, so be prepared to work for your hue: a rigorous at-home routine and salon visits every four to six weeks are a must. A weekly treatment, like Lโ€™ORร‰AL PROFESSIONNEL Vitamino Color A-OX Jelly Masque, $31, will seal your shade and soften dry strands.

Pro Secret: If youโ€™re low maintenance, โ€œrequest a deeper tone with a golden-copper reflect to minimise regrowthโ€, says Solier.

Emma Stone

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Do You Have Instagram Envy?

Those meticulously styled and curated snapshots that populate our Instagram accounts are more envy-inducing than any status update. But, Rebecca Holman asks, can we really accept a life that's filter-free?

As I write this, Iโ€™m sitting on my living room sofa tapping away on my MacBook. To my left thereโ€™s a half-drunk martini on my (vintage) G-Plan writing desk, right next to my Anthropologie vase of hydrangeas.

Were I to take a picture of this scene and post it on Instagram (filter: Earlybird, obviously), the caption would say something like โ€˜hard at workโ€™. But every one of my 92 followers would know what message I was really trying to send (Iโ€™m a cool creative with a stylishly shabby apartment whoโ€™s allowed to indulge in a cocktail while working) because we all speak the international language of Instagram now.

If I had taken that shot, it would have been just the sort of covertly gloating image that swamps all of our Instagram feeds. But what it wouldnโ€™t show is the towering mountain of unread magazines to the right of me, the pile of dirty washing in the middle of the floor and the congealing remnants of a 3am drunken takeaway on the kitchen counter.

And it certainly wouldnโ€™t reveal that Iโ€™m writing this on a Sunday night, woefully close to deadline โ€“ and that the cocktail is an unsuccessful attempt to calm my looming panic. These are all things that my Instagram followers will never know because โ€“ like all Instagram users โ€“ Iโ€™ve taken the one tiny sliver of sophistication in my otherwise chaotic world, stuck a filter on it and presented it as my life.

Much has been written about the warped way in which we present ourselves online. But even for the social media generation โ€“ those of us who hit our 20s armed with smartphones and already only too well-versed in the agonies of Facebook envy โ€“ Instagram presents an even more torturous way to feel both good and bad about our lives all at once.

For a start, its more calculated than other social media. On Facebook or Twitter, your dreamy aspirational shots of Diptyque candles framed by freshly cut flowers are apt to be lost in the tide of artless, stream-of-consciousness updates about your irritating cat/child/ commute, not to mention usually-not-very-funny YouTube clips and birthday wishes from aunts and ex-colleagues. Nothing on Instagram is quite so candid (or, dare I say it, mundane).

โ€œFor a start, Instagram is more calculated than other social mediaโ€

The unspoken truth is that on Instagram, every supposedly nonchalantly snapped picture has, in fact, been not only carefully selected, but meticulously art directed and styled, too. From our tastefully arranged shelves (colour-coded books look fabulous with a Sierra filter) to our fitness routines (a water bottle propped up next to your luxe new trainers before a post-dawn run), every seemingly casual moment has, in fact, been curated and composed with the sort of precision and eye for detail that would do Anna Wintour proud.

The key to Insta-success is in its apparent casualness. To look like youโ€™ve devoted more than a moment or two to shooting a snap would appear gauche. My friend Sian, 34, a PR professional, is a regular Instagrammer (followers: 250). She recently posted a carefully lit image depicting an artfully dishevelled pile of clothes, shoes, sunglasses and a guidebook, all thrown haphazardly into a suitcase. The caption read: Last minute packing panic โ€“ eeeek!

What made this image interesting was that I have never seen Sian throw an item of clothing on the floor, let alone pack a pair of shoes without a dustbag. After a bit of cajoling, Sian admitted that when she placed everything neatly folded on top of each other it looked too straight and boring to be Instagrammable. So instead, she messed it all up, took the picture and folded it all up again. โ€œEverywhere else in my life, being super-organised and a bit anal is a good thing. On Instagram, I want people to think Iโ€™m really laid-back and effortless. I naturally try really hard at things, but I donโ€™t want my followers to know this.โ€

Itโ€™s all part of the relentless personal branding exercise that is Instagram: every casual retro-hued shot of, say, a Bellini against a Venetian sunset subtly tells me and everyone else you know not only just how fabulous your life is, but how little it impresses you. (New Valentino shoes? No biggie. Upgraded to Business Class? Oh yeah, that.) The fundamental point is that our lives are so blithely perfect, we donโ€™t even have to try.

Social psychologist Ben Voyer, whose research focuses on how individuals define themselves in terms of interpersonal relationships, says it is image-driven Instagramโ€™s capacity to broadcast multiple conscious and sub-conscious messages visually that makes it such a natural vehicle for implicitly bragging about our lives.


It is not really socially acceptable to post a Facebook status saying, โ€œIโ€™m looking hot in a cool dress at a Fashion Week partyโ€ โ€“ but a single picture can communicate all these ideas and more, without the need for words and, therefore, is a much more acceptable way to boast about oneself.

My friend Laura, 32 (Instagram followers: 123), wouldnโ€™t describe the way she uses Instagram as boasting. But even sheโ€™d admit she uses it to present a distorted view of her life. Laura works in a fairly dull administrative job, but a glance at her Instagram feed suggests otherwise โ€“ thanks to the fact that, once a year, she flies to the Cannes Film Festival for work to support her boss in an also fairly dull administrative role. โ€œI take so many pictures when Iโ€™m there,โ€ she confesses. โ€œThe glass of champagne Iโ€™m having at the airport (with my plane ticket artfully propped up against it), pictures of my hotel room, pre-party selfies โ€ฆโ€

Laura posts lots of the images while shes in Cannes, but also likes to scatter a few more throughout her Instagram feed over the next few months. โ€œI never outwardly lie, but the inference is that I get to do that sort of thing for work all the time, which is simply not true. But you can get away with it on Instagram in the way that you canโ€™t do with a status update. With a picture, everythingโ€™s implied rather than stated outright. And Iโ€™d never spoil the illusion by putting up a picture of the windowless office I work in the other 51 weeks of the year.โ€

And it is all those other weeks of the year โ€“ the oneโ€™s spent trapped in cubicles working on spreadsheets that are conspicuously absent from our feeds โ€“ which explain why the briefest trip to Instagram is liable to make you feel so dissatisfied with your lot in life. Quantifiably so. Andrew Przybylski, from Oxford Universityโ€™s Internet Institute, recently found that Instagram makes users feel 11 per cent worse about their lives than other social media networks. Meanwhile, Instagram use โ€“ and, consequently, Instagram envy โ€“ is only likely to spread, with the number of users having doubled in size in the past year, from 80 million to 150 million.

Youโ€™d think the ubiquity of social media would mean that we users, those of us whose thumbs are weary from refreshing our feed with Pavlovian determination, would be becoming wise to the perils of social media envy. But Catalina Toma, of the Department of Communication Arts at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, an expert on the social and psychological effects of communication technologies (ie, social networks, online dating and instant messaging), says that the fact were all complicit in sharing rose-tinted moments doesnโ€™t lessen Instagramโ€™s power to distort our perception of other peopleโ€™s lives. You spend so much time creating flattering, idealised images yourself โ€ฆ but you donโ€™t necessarily grasp that everyone else is spending a lot of time doing the same thing.

Iโ€™d love to be able to say Iโ€™m immune to all this, but Iโ€™m as Intsa-guilty as anyone. I recently lost my phone, and it only struck me how much I missed it when I went into town on a sunny Saturday with friends. The city was looking especially beautiful, and our day culminated in cocktails in a particularly cool, hard-to-get-into rooftop bar. And because I didnโ€™t have a phone I couldnโ€™t Instagram a single bit of it.

This is probably the point where I should say that I had a far better time because I wasnโ€™t trying to capture everything in a photograph, because I was actually living the moment. But the sorry truth is, I couldnโ€™t enjoy it because it felt like a missed opportunity to record a fabulous day. As much as Iโ€™d like to deny it, today, for those of us who spend our days nearly permanently tethered to the digital realm, if it doesnโ€™t pop up on Instagram, it might as well have not happened at all.

What I should really do now is turn to the right and take another picture of the mess and detritus next to me and stick that up โ€“ no filter, no witty caption. Or, I could just put my phone down and resist the lure of shooting anything, no sharing, no humble bragging, nada. But then again, as I cast another eye around my living room โ€“ the way my cocktail glass looks against the backdrop of my fabulous Anthropologie vase of hydrangeas, the way a quick snap of this would make me look like Iโ€™m equal parts cosmopolitan lady of leisure and innate domestic sophisticate โ€ฆ My thumbs are itching at the thought of it.

We asked five passionate Instagrammers to pull back the curtain on their Insta-perfect snaps.

Zanita Whittington, photographer and blogger

1 I drank this delicious raw almond milk after a long flight and promptly puked up the whole amount. Seems I hadnโ€™t quite recovered from a strange bug/virus I had contracted. Wasnโ€™t so #instaworthy coming up in the other direction.

2 A casual blue-eyed selfie? Not quite. It took 20 outtakes, staring into the sun for so long it made me cry in pain before I scored this one.

3 This is the first healthy meal I had eaten in two days after spending 48 hours in my pyjamas on a deadline. I had subsisted on muesli bars, a six-pack of hot cross buns, a bag of Allens Red Frogs and about six litres of coffee.


www.zanita.com.au 

Heather Taylor, LA Homewares designer

1 My friend, shoe designer Beatrice Valenzuela, and I were recently photographed for a magazine. The piece was for an autumn issue, but we had to shoot it in the middle of an LA heatwave, surrounded by balls of wool and in our autumn dresses. After the crew left, we stripped down to our underwear and knocked back jugs of ice-water.

2 After driving into Mexico, my husband and I got lost in the hills of Baja, where there was zero mobile coverage. We were annoyed and itโ€™s nothing short of a miracle that we ever arrived at our funky hotel.

3 This was taken the day of a good friendโ€™s wedding, but Iโ€™d just spent a week in bed with the flu. I opted for bright-pink lips and a fresh-cut rose from my garden to make me look much better than I felt.


www.heathertaylorhome.com

Cindy Chen Melbourne photographer

1 I was about to travel to Taipei/ Osaka and posted this pic of my packing. Look at those labels: Isabel Marant? Tick. Prada? Tick. Gillian Tennant? Tick! They might be a few of my favourite things, but more often than not youโ€™ll probably find me in an outfit that consists of a T-shirt that cost $2 at an op shop and a random pair of cropped skinny jeans.

2 I might seem composed and calm in this image, but that day I was so stressed it felt like my brain was about to explode. Then, to top it all off, I somehow managed to spill my third coffee of the day on my laptopโ€ฆ

3 I accidentally covered my make-up bag in loose powder as I unzipped it in preparation for this shot. I had to spend an hour cleaning and wiping down all products in my bag to make them look presentable again before snapping this.


www.cindychen.com.au

Louise Bell, owner, Table Tonic, Sydney

1 Our lounge room is where the whole family hangs every night, so it never actually looks like this. Before I took this shot, I had to do a frantic whip around for a good 10 minutes. And look how dirty the windows are (I only noticed after Iโ€™d posted the shot)!

2 This shot of The Boathouse restaurant at Sydneyโ€™s Palm Beach looks serene and totally Zen, but I was actually tired and grumpy as all hell. The only reason we were out to breakfast was because we had been forced out of our house as a shoot was happening there.

3 I had heard mustard greens were extremely nutritious, so I added them to my morning green juice. It was completely undrinkable! I could only take about five sips and tipped the rest down the sink.


www.tabletonic.com.au

Georgia Rickard, Australian Traveller magazine

1 This shameless travel selfie didnโ€™t capture the small bump on my chin that had begun to turn into a giant, weeping sore. Iโ€™d been bitten by a white tail spider in my sleep! It took two weeks and a course of antibiotics to get rid of it.

2 This pic was from a work trip to Bright, Victoria, on a Valentineโ€™s Day weekend. As usual, I was travelling alone and I was so exhausted that, at one stage, I had to pull the car over and have a proper cry before I could pull it together enough to do my job.

3 This pic of the Flinderโ€™s Ranges in South Australia was taken in the middle of summer in the outback. Looks beautiful, but the heat was so intense that I ended up with a severe migraine and spent the following night and day in bed, vomiting with pain.


www.australiantraveller.com

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Selfies That Got Us Talking

From Miss Lebanon posing with Miss Israel to Kate Middleton's inadvertent photobomb and the recent star-studded selfie on the Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part Two red carpet, here are the selfies we can't stop talking about.
A group selfie taken at the Oscars with several happy celebrities including Ellen DeGeneres, Bradley Cooper, and Jennifer Lawrence.Instagram/TheEllenShow

Sam Claflin snaps the selfie of the century at The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part Two premiere

Seriously, does it get more A-list than this? Deep breath: Woodie Harrelson, Julianne Moore, Donald Sutherland, Elizabeth Banks, Jennifer Lawrence, Liam Hemsworth, Gwendoline Christie, Stanley Tucci, Natalie Dormer and Sam Claflin all piled into this star-studded selfie on the red carpet at the premiere of the last movie in the Hunger Games franchise. This is some serious star power โ€“ weโ€™re not sure that any film crew could top this selfie!

Miss Lebanon and Miss Israelโ€™s controversial selfie

This week, Miss Lebanon sparked world-wide debate after she took a selfie with Miss Israel. Considering the state of affairs between both countries, Miss Lebanon was quick to accuse Miss Israel of photobombing her โ€“ to which Miss Israel responded by saying she simply wished for peace between them.

Kate Middletonโ€™s inadvertent selfie

One lucky fan happened to catch the Duchess high-fiving someone while out and about in New Zealand. Considering how rare a Kate Middleton selfie is, we couldnโ€™t help getting excited over this one.

The Popeโ€™s first selfie

Is this a sign of the times or what? Pope Francis posed for a selfie with some of his fans while out and about at the Vatican.

Justin Bieberโ€™s abs selfie

In response to Photoshop controversy surrounding his new Calvin Klein ad, Justin Bieber posted this photo to prove that he does, in fact, boast abs of steel.

The Queenโ€™s famous selfie

Sheโ€™s gained quite the reputation as a photobomber, but the Queen insists she hates the humble selfie. This particular picture, taken during the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow last year, has us suspecting otherwise.

Emma and Andrewโ€™s restaurant selfie

What do you do when youโ€™re a celebrity and someone is trying to take your photo while youโ€™re having a meal? Call them out on it of course, ala Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield

Beyonceโ€™s stage selfie

One lucky fan was so busy taking selfies at a Beyonce concert she failed to notice the Queen herself duck into the shot until afterwards. Priceless.

Cara Delevingneโ€™s runway selfie

Cara Delevingne debuted the worldโ€™s first runway selfie while walking for Giles in the UK.

Ellenโ€™s Oscars selfie

It was the selfie that broke the internet โ€“ and for good reason. When Ellen Degeneres posted this picture to Instagram, it became one of the most liked images of all time.

Kim Kardashianโ€™s post-baby selfie

Kim Kardashian drew attention back to her famous derriere post-baby by posting this selfie, which incidentally sent Twitter into meltdown.

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Is This Our Worst Serial Killer โ€“ Or Is She Innocent?

She's set to languish in jail - in protective custody - for at least the next 14 years, but supporters of Kathleen Folbigg fear she is the victim of a miscarriage of justice. Nikki Barrowclough investigates the case of the woman convicted of killing her four children.

In the early hours of August 30, 1993, Craig Folbigg was startled from sleep by a blood-chilling scream. A pre-dawn silence reigned over the dark surrounding the Folbiggsโ€™ house in Maitland, NSW, but inside their brick bungalow, the light was on and a terrible drama was underway. 

Craig had woken 20 minutes earlier, noticed his wife and baby werenโ€™t in the room they all shared and thought nothing of it, but after hearing the scream he leapt up to see his wife, Kathleen, standing in the doorway, screaming, and their baby daughter, Sarah, lying oddly straight in her bed at the end of theirs. He picked up her chubby little body. She was still warm, but not breathing. He frantically carried out CPR, but it was no use. He couldnโ€™t resuscitate her, nor could the ambulance officers when they rushed in. Sarah Folbigg, 10 months old, was dead.

It was the kind of tragedy every parent dreads. But Sarah wasnโ€™t the first Folbigg baby to die and she wouldnโ€™t be the last. Her parents had already been through this nightmare twice before, losing 19-day-old Caleb in 1989 โ€“ Craig again waking to his wifeโ€™s screams and to her beside the bassinet โ€“ and eight-month-old Patrick in 1991. Then came Sarahโ€™s death and, finally, in early 1999, it would be Laura Folbigg, 19 months. months old, was dead. Laura Folbigg, dead at 19 months.

Was it possible that four children in the same family could die of natural causes? Craig would later say he had been so devoted to his wife that heโ€™d wanted to believe they had. It wasnโ€™t until he and Folbigg separated and he found one of her diaries in a bedside drawer, revealing the innermost thoughts of a woman he now felt he didnโ€™t know, that he started doubting her. He took it to police, who were already suspicious. It would trigger one of the most famous cases in Australia.

Itโ€™s now 11 years since Folbigg was convicted of murdering Patrick, Sarah and Laura, and of the manslaughter of Caleb. Her trial, and the apparently incriminating diaries she kept, dominated headlines around Australia. A photo showing her pale and hollow-eyed, her hair in disarray as she was led away in prison greens, would become iconic. Grief, or guilt? She was sentenced to 40 years in jail (later reduced to 30 with a non-parole period of 25), called this countryโ€™s worst female serial killer, and people shuddered at the mention of her name. For her part, Folbigg has always maintained her innocence.

Now, however, the case is back in the spotlight. There are calls for a judicial review on the grounds that she may have been a victim of a miscarriage of justice. Legal academics are questioning her conviction, which they say was based on inconclusive and unreliable medical evidence. Several high-profile Australians, including radio host Alan Jones and ex-Womanโ€™s Day editor Alana House, have joined calls for a review.

Meanwhile, overseas, other women in similar cases have had their convictions overturned. Advocates also believe the impression given by Folbiggโ€™s diaries played a troubling role in her trial. And still casting a long shadow over the saga are the complexities of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, commonly known as SIDS, or cot death.

Kathleen Marlborough was a pretty young woman, neatly built at 167.5cm and with curly brown hair, who was 20 when she married steel worker Craig Folbigg, 25. They had met in a pub in Newcastle, NSW, and it had been love at first sight. Her girl-next-door looks belied a nightmarish childhood โ€“ at 18 months old, her father stabbed her mother to death and, at just three, she was fostered. According to an account her sister has given, Folbigg saw Craig as her white knight.

They married in September 1987 and photos of that day reveal a happy couple. She, dark-haired and grinning, a string of pearls looped around her neck, and he, tall and broad-shouldered his tan offset by a pale blue bow tie. Megan Donegan, a friend of Folbiggโ€™s from the age of 12 (Folbigg is god-mother to Doneganโ€™s eldest child, Alex, almost 22), describes the Folbigg of those years as someone โ€œwho had the biggest laugh, who always seemed to find the best in every situation and was an awesome cookโ€.

The Folbiggsโ€™ first child, Caleb, was born on February 1, 1989. He was healthy, but would breathe noisily and stop breathing when fed. A paediatrician diagnosed a floppy larynx and expected Caleb would grow out of it. Nineteen days later, however, the new mother found him dead in his cot, still wrapped in his blanket. SIDS was ruled as the cause of death.

Ten months later, Folbigg announced she was pregnant again and on June 3, 1990, produced a healthy boy, Patrick. Joy collided with anxiety. Her diary entry reads: โ€œI had mixed feelings this day, wether or not I was going to cope as a mother or wether I was going to get stressed out like I did last time.โ€ 

โ€œI had mixed feelings this day, wether (sic) or not I was going to cope as a motherโ€

Kathleen Folbigg

Trouble wasnโ€™t slow in coming. Patrick was only four months old when he was rushed to hospital in respiratory distress after a now familiar scene had taken place in the small hours, just as it had with Caleb. In hospital, Patrick seemed to improve, but then suffered a seizure and was diagnosed with epilepsy and cortical blindness.

Back at home, the atmosphere grew strained. Folbigg was struggling with the demands of motherhood. In one diary entry she spoke of her inability to look after Patrick, and her belief that he and Craig would be better off without her. She often lost her temper with her son and husband. Craig would later say that, at these times, she made growling sounds.

On February 13, 1991, Folbigg called her husband at work, screaming that it had โ€œhappened againโ€. Craig rushed home to find Patrick lying on his back in his cot. The little boyโ€™s lips were blue. He was rushed to hospital, but died shortly afterwards. A doctor determined that he had suffered a cardiac arrest, but couldnโ€™t establish a cause.

Patrick was eight months old. Sarah, their next child, died at 10 months. It seemed almost inconceivable that three tiny children, born one after the other, would never see even their first candle lit on a birthday cake.

A devastated Craig would recall that after the deaths of the first three babies, Folbigg packed away all their belongings, taking photos out of the frames and off the mantelpiece. She would no longer mention their names.

Instead, she poured her thoughts into her diary, where she detailed everything from her insecurities over her ability to look after children to her anxieties about staying attractive for her husband. One entry reads: โ€œMust lose extra weight or he will be even less in love with me than he is now.โ€

Honest and raw, the diary soon became an intensely personal record of Folbiggโ€™s fears and frustrations, and her rising anxiety about her โ€œdark moodsโ€. Its pages reveal that she was haunted by what had happened to her first three children and haunted by a fear it would happen again.

Not surprisingly, the Folbiggsโ€™ marriage was hit hard by the deaths of Caleb, Patrick and Sarah. There were a number of separations and reconciliations. However, by early 1996, the couple was back together and โ€“ despite everything โ€“ Folbigg was keen to have another child.

The Folbiggs moved to an immaculate, brick veneer house overlooking the Hunter Valley in Singleton, NSW. Folbigg became pregnant for a fourth time, but, according to her diary, she was consumed with anxiety, questioning herself about why she wanted this baby and agonising about whether it โ€œwasnโ€™t just a determination on my behalf to get it right and not be defeated by me total inadequate feelings about myself. To prove that there is nothing wrong with me, if other women can do it so can I.โ€ 

โ€œIf other women can do it so can I.โ€

Kathleen Folbigg

On August 7, 1997, Laura was born. But before too long, motherhood was overwhelming Folbigg again. On the morning of March 1, 1999, Laura was subdued and clung to her father.

Folbigg lost her temper with both her daughter and her husband.

Earlier that day she growled at Laura and even pinned her hands to her highchair as she tried to force-feed her. Things calmed down and Craig went back to work until he got a frantic call telling him to get to the hospital. Something had happened to Laura.

Shortly after midday, ambulance officers were called to the Folbiggsโ€™ home. They found Folbigg crying and performing CPR on Laura, who was warm to the touch. But she wasnโ€™t breathing and had no pulse. The ambulance officers couldnโ€™t resuscitate her.

The last of the four Folbigg children was gone.

At first, the deaths werenโ€™t treated as a crime. Just bad luck. Original autopsies found that three of the Folbigg children had died from natural causes. Patrickโ€™s death was put down to asphyxia related to epilepsy, and Caleb and Sarahโ€™s deaths to SIDS.

But when Laura died, suspicions bubbled to the surface. At 19 months, the coroner considered her to be too old for SIDS and that, and the family history, paved the way for a police investigation and charges were eventually laid.

In April 2003, Folbigg stood trial for the deaths of her children. After a seven-week case that gripped the nation โ€“ newspapers raked over every inch of her life, from her troubled childhood to the clothes she wore in court โ€“ Folbigg was found guilty of three counts of murder and one of manslaughter. Today, she remains in custody at Sydneyโ€™s Silverwater Womenโ€™s jail.

And yet doubts remain over her conviction. Some academics worry about the medical evidence, in particular the results of Lauraโ€™s autopsy, which raised the possibility that the baby had died of an inflammatory condition of the heart known as myocarditis.

Yet the forensic pathologist who carried out the post-mortem ruled her death as โ€œundeterminedโ€. In court, he said his ruling hadnโ€™t been coloured by the deaths of Folbiggโ€™s other children, but in a letter heโ€™d previously written to the investigating detective, he said had he not known about the family history he might have ruled myocarditis. However, he stressed that he did not believe this was the likely cause.

Others fear Folbigg was a victim of a climate of suspicion around SIDS. Until the early โ€™90s, SIDS was considered a mysterious tragedy โ€“ probably caused by sleep abnormalities. Mothers of children who died were treated with sympathy, not scepticism. Then, in 1994, Waneta Hoyt, 47, a New York mother of five babies whose deaths had previously been attributed to SIDS, confessed to killing the children. After that, the pendulum swung back โ€“ hard โ€“ to the notion of murderous mothers.

Consequently, mothers were rarely given the benefit of the doubt, even in the absence of incriminating evidence, according to Australian legal academic Associate Professor Emma Cunliffe, who wrote a book about Folbigg in 2011 called Murder, Medicine And Motherhood. Professor Cunliffeโ€™s book โ€“ which triggered fresh interest in Folbiggโ€™s case โ€“ set out to examine the quality of the evidence.

Speaking from Canada, where she is now based, Professor Cunliffe says she was particularly interested โ€œto see why the Folbigg conviction stuckโ€ after other mothers overseas, who had also been found guilty of killing multiple infants in similar SIDS-related cases, had been acquitted or exonerated, or had the charges against them dropped. Professor Cunliffe points to the case of Sally Clark, a 35-year-old English solicitor who was convicted in 1999 of murdering her two sons. Like Folbigg, Clarkโ€™s children died within weeks of being born, and at first their deaths were attributed to SIDS. Like Folbigg, Clark was charged and convicted of their murders.

โ€œ[I was interested] to see why the Folbigg conviction stuckโ€

Associate Professor Emma Cunliffe, Australian legal academic

However, three years later, her conviction was quashed on the basis that the medical evidence presented to the court had been incomplete โ€“ and that the case relied on a now discredited theory known as โ€œMeadowโ€™s Lawโ€. (A coroner ruled that Clarkโ€™s tragic death, in 2007, was accidental: the result of acute alcohol intoxication.)

Meadowโ€™s Law refers to the saying by a prominent British paediatrician, Professor Sir Roy Meadow, that โ€œone [SIDS] death is a tragedy, two is suspicious and three is murder unless proven otherwiseโ€. In the Clark case, Professor Meadow told the jury there was a one in 73 million chance of two cot deaths occurring in the same family. But he had used a statistical method that has since been disproven.

Did Meadowโ€™s Law play a role in helping convict Folbigg? When she was first arrested in 2001, American paediatric forensic pathologist Dr Janice Ophoven gave evidence at the committal hearing. She said the chances of four unexplained infant deaths from natural causes were one in a trillion, but she had used the same, discredited method Professor Meadow had relied on.

Justice Graham Barr excluded these flawed statistics and mention of Meadowโ€™s Law at Folbiggโ€™s trial. Even so, Professor Cunliffe in particular believes it may have indirectly played a part in her conviction.

โ€œWhile the judge excluded the improper statistical evidence that some experts wished to explain to the jury, he did not exclude opinions that were based on the underlying reasoning of Meadowโ€™s Law,โ€ she says. โ€œSeveral prosecution witnesses seemingly allowed their belief in Meadowโ€™s Law to influence their conclusions about the likely cause of death in Folbiggโ€™s children.โ€

Since Folbiggโ€™s trial there has also been greater acknowledgement that SIDS is complex and may have many causes. Professor John Hilton, a prominent Sydney forensic pathologist who once chaired the SIDS International Pathology Committee, says that, realistically, those causes include covert homicide. But he also refers to recent SIDS research that suggests subtle genetic abnormalities could be at play: the most common of which, heart defects, may as yet be undetectable under a microscope.

These types of medical advances are at the heart of a fresh attempt to convince authorities to review her case. The director of The University of Newcastle Legal Centre, Shaun McCarthy, is currently preparing a petition to be lodged with the governor of NSW and the NSW attorney-general before the end of the year, seeking a judicial review of Folbiggโ€™s case.

McCarthy has approached a number of Australian and international experts โ€“ not involved in the original trial โ€“ to review the evidence and detail other cases of sudden, unexpected and unexplained multiple deaths in infancy in one family. McCarthy has read Professor Cunliffeโ€™s book. โ€œI thought the work Emma had done was very compelling in showing that there had been a miscarriage of justice in the case,โ€ he says.

In the end, itโ€™s the diary entries we tend to remember about the Folbigg case, those agonised outpourings secreted in the book with the golden clasp, teddy bears and cherubs. Here were Folbiggโ€™s deepest thoughts and persistent fears, scrawled in her loopy childish writing.

โ€œHad a bad day today, lost it with Laura a couple of times. She cried most of the day. Why do I do that?โ€ read one entry dated November 1997.

โ€œMy brain has too much happening, unstored and unrecalled memories just waiting,โ€read another. โ€œHeaven help the day they surface and I recall. That will be the day to lock me up and throw away the key.โ€

Yet Megan Donegan has an entirely different impression of Folbigg as someone who was always โ€œa loving mother and an involved mother, who would ring just to relate the latest thing that the baby had done, like taking those first steps โ€ฆ My whole family loves Kathleen. They canโ€™t wait until sheโ€™s out of prison.โ€

โ€œThat will be the day to lock me up and throw away the key.โ€

Kathleen Folbigg

Summing up, Justice Barr said medical witnesses were not permitted to consider Folbiggโ€™s diaries. Professor Cunliffe, however, maintains that the essential difference between the Folbigg case and others was the diaries. โ€œAnd it remains the diaries โ€ฆ The sense that comes through very strongly in the judgement and in the press reporting from the time is that the diaries are strongly indicative of a guilty conscience on [Folbiggโ€™s] part,โ€ she says. โ€œSome of the statements she made in those diaries seem to come awfully close to a confession of sorts โ€“ or at least an admission that she blames herself for the childrenโ€™s deaths.โ€

Professor Cunliffe adds that although Folbiggโ€™s diaries donโ€™t paint a โ€œnormalโ€ approach to motherhood, โ€œthere is no manual for grieving dead childrenโ€, and that research suggests bereaved parents routinely blame themselves for things they could not have possibly controlled.

Will the tide turn for Kathleen Folbigg? Her family is staying quiet on the subject of the petition for a judicial review. John Folbigg, who is Craigโ€™s brother and has permission to speak for him, preferred not to comment (Craig has remarried and avoids the media).

Kathleen Folbiggโ€™s foster sister, Lea Bown, told media earlier this year, when there was talk of the petition, that she believes her sister killed all four children and should never be released. On hearing of Folbiggโ€™s arrest, her foster mother, Deirdre Marlborough, reportedly sent back all her childhood photographs with a scathing letter that included the line: โ€œKathleen Megan, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU.โ€

For the moment, prison โ€“ and protective custody to keep her safe from other inmates โ€“ is where Folbigg remains, not due for release until 2028 at the earliest. She is visited regularly by her handful of supporters and a couple of old friends. Alan Jones, too, has visited her. He reportedly told NSWโ€™s The Sunday Telegraph earlier this year that โ€œhaving met the woman I find her a very courageous woman and an outstanding person who faces this injustice with great dignity, but itโ€™s very, very hardโ€.

One of her supporters, Newcastle woman Helen Cummings, says Folbigg often talks about her children and the ages they would be now โ€“ while Alana House remembers Folbiggโ€™s expression on a visit to the prison one day, when a little girl wandered past. โ€œThe look on Kathleenโ€™s face was heartbreaking,โ€ she says. โ€œKathleen frequently talks about visiting her childrenโ€™s ashes.โ€

All the talk in the world, however, wonโ€™t bring the four babies back. As for the truth, there are only two possibilities: either the deaths were a blameless tragedy, or, as the jury found, the children were victims of the ultimate act of betrayal. In any event, there is one person who knows what really happened.

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The Most Talked-About Instagram Posts Of All Time

We've rounded up the ten Instagram posts that had everyone talking.
A group selfie taken at the Oscars with several happy celebrities including Ellen DeGeneres, Bradley Cooper, and Jennifer Lawrence.Instagram/TheEllenShow

Kim Kardashian and Kanya West

This lovely snap of Kimye sharing their fist kiss as husband & wife was the most liked Instagram picture of all timeโ€ฆthat is, until Kendall overtook them.

(Credit: Instagram/KimKardashianWest)

Kendall Jenner

Prompting imitation images to begin flooding Instagram feeds everywhere as well as garnering 3.1million likes (the most ever), Kendall Jenner proved her social media cred when posting this picture.

(Credit: Instagram/KendallJenner)

Harry Styles

When Harry Styles posted this snap (which he has since deleted) of him in a Native America Headdress he was met with an overwhelming amount of criticism that chastised him for cultural appropriation.

(Credit: Instagram/HarryStyles)

Ellen De Generesโ€™ Oscars Selfie

When you try and fit literally every celebrity within a five-metre radius into the same photo, what do you get? Everyoneโ€™s favourite seflie, taken at last years Academy Awards.

(Credit: Instagram/TheEllenShow)

The โ€œperiodโ€ instagram

Captured by photographer Rupi Kaur, this infamous image of a girl sleeping while her menstrual blood leaked onto her pants & bed sparked discussion over the intersection between censorship and misogyny after Instagram, not once, but twice removed it before eventually reinstating it.

(Credit: Instagram/RupiKaur_)

The controversial โ€œnudityโ€ image

After posting this photo of her daughter looking at her bare belly, Courtney Adamoโ€™s Instagram account was deleted (and was later reinstated) for โ€œviolating community standards of nudity.โ€

(Credit: Instagram/LeInnocentMummy)

Delta Goodrem

Marlon Wayans had everyone laughing with his caption of this pic: โ€œMan I got the most UNRHYTHMIC WHITE WOMAN dancing next to me at the jay and bay concertโ€. Little did he know that said โ€œwhite womanโ€ was Aussie celeb Delta Goodrem.

(Credit: Instagram/MarlonWayans)

Beyonce 

Beyonce caused concern after posting this snap of her playing gold on vaction, with many claiming she had photo-shopped herself a thigh-gap.

(Credit: Instagram/Beyonce)

Scout Willis

Scout Willis had her account deleted after posting this image of a jumper with a picture of her topless friends on it. Soon after she protested against the censorship by walking through New York City topless to bring attention to the fact that what is deemed inappropriate on Instagram is completely legal in city.

(Credit: Instagram/ScoutsGeneral)

Petra Collins

This photo of fashion photographer Petra Collins โ€“ which showed her pubic hair โ€“ caused controversy after it led to Instagram deleting her account (which was later reinstated) as well as sparking discussion over censorship of womenโ€™s body parts.

(Credit: Instagram/PetrafCollins)

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10 Of The Most Iconic Royal Wedding Dresses Of All Time

What's more exciting than a royal wedding? A royal wedding dress!

We take a look back at some of the most talked about wedding dresses in royal history.

Sofia Hellqvist: Wearing a delicate emerald and diamond tiara, former glamour model and reality star Sofia Hellqvist looked stunning at her wedding to Prince Carl Phillip of Sweden in early June 2015. Local designer, Ida Sjostedt, was responsible for the hand-stitched and cut lace creation.

Wallis Simpson: Wallis Simpson made headlines around the world when King Edward VIII abdicated his throne to marry the American divorcee in 1937. Wearing a โ€œWallis blueโ€ Mainbocher creation and a coordinating straw hat with blue tulle, the newly-dubbed Duke and Duchess of Windsor had a low-key ceremony at Chateau de Conde in France. Her dress was presented to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in 1950 and can still be seen there today.

Grace Kelly: Iconic American actress, Grace Kelly, became the Princess of Monaco following her marriage to Prince Rainier III in 1956. Her wedding dress, designed by MGMโ€™s Helen Rose who also created Kellyโ€™s outfits in High Society and The Swan, took six weeks to create by three-dozen people.

Queen Noor: In 1978, Queen Noor (formerly Lisa Najeeb Halaby) wore a simple silk Christian Dior dress for her wedding to King Hussein of Jordan.

Princess Diana: Perhaps the most iconic wedding dress in history, Princess Diana wore an ivory silk taffeta gown designed by David and Elizabeth Emanuel. Embellished with pearls, sequins and lace, the gownโ€™s most memorable feature was the 25ft (or 7.62m) train.

Princess Mary Donaldson: The very first Australian Princess, Mary Donaldson married the Crown Prince of Denmark in 2004. Designed by Uffe Frank, the dress featured ivory duchess satin lined with silk organza and silk panels revealing heirloom lace detailing. Mary wore a veil first worn by the Crown Princess Margret of Sweden in 1905 anchored on her wedding tiara, gifted by her parents in law Queen and Prince Henrik.

Princess Letizia: A week after Mary, Princess Letizia of Spain wore a gown designed by couturier, Manuel Pertegaz. Using bespoke natural silk, Pertegaz embroidered silver and gold fleur de lys flowers, clovers, strawberry fruit trees and ears of wheat at the base of the dress and train with the intricate embroidery also used sparingly on the high collar of the gown.

Charlene Wittstock: South African beauty, Charlene Wittstock wore Armani to marry Prince Albert of Monaco in 2011. Highly embellished with crystals, pearls and platinum-coated thread, the silk gown reportedly took over 2500 hours to create and included 20m of white silk tulle for the veil alone.

Crown Princess Victoria of Sweden: This royal bride looked stunning in her classic gown, designed by local, Par Engsheden. With a rounded, almost off-the-shoulder collar and a sash cinching the waist, this duchess silk satin dream was perfect for the June weather in 2010. Wearing an heirloom lace veil, Victoria also donned the traditional Cameo tiara, earrings and bracelet.

Duchess Catherine of Cambridge: Then known as Kate Middleton, the bride looked like the perfect modern day princess when she arrived for her wedding to Prince William in 2011. Designed by Sarah Burton, the creative director for Alexander McQueen, the bridal gown featured floral lace motifs appliqued on to silk net tulle.

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Domestic Violence Can Stop With You

Domestic violence has reached epidemic proportions in Australia, yet itโ€™s typically remained undiscussed, underfunded and unaddressed. But a growing number of women believe enough is enough. They are speaking out and taking matters into their own hands. Jacqueline Maley explains why we could be on the cusp of change.

 On the morning of February 12 last year, single mother Rosie Batty was working at the small business she ran from her home in the Melbourne suburb of Tyaab. That afternoon she took her 11-year-old son Luke to cricket practice, the duo only having recently returned from a five-week holiday to the UK. But by the time night fell that day, the then 52 year old had become an unwilling and tragic symbol of the violence that lies beneath the surface of our community, after her former partner, Greg Anderson, murdered their son on a sports oval.

That tragic day, Rosie Batty joined an ever-growing list of women whose names we wish we didnโ€™t know. We shouldnโ€™t know. Women like Lisa Harnum, Leila Alavi and Allison Baden-Clay, who are only three of the more than 200 women who have been killed by their partners since 2011.

Fast-forward to 2015, and Rosie Batty is Australian of the Year, the reluctant figurehead of the campaign against domestic violence in this country. She manages a rare feat: she has endured a great tragedy without turning into a tragic figure. But when this strong, forthright and intelligent woman appeared on the ABCโ€™s Q&A program in February, as part of a panel devoted 
to the long-overlooked issue of family violence, she made one of the saddest observations in the entire program.

โ€œYou canโ€™t always trust the response [you get] from the people that you turn to [to] help youโ€ฆ And that has to change.โ€

Rosie Batty

You could almost hear the silent affirmation of the showโ€™s audience, both in the studio and around the nation. But just who is going to lead that change? As the absence of Tony Abbott, the Minister for Women, on Q&A that night showed, politicians are not our white knights. The political near-invisibility of the domestic violence issue, and policy responses to it, should, of course, be 
a source of national shame.

Imagine if one Australian a week was killed by dog attack. Or if one child a week was killed by a shark. Such would be the outcry that our governmental machinery would no doubt immediately swing into action with alarming effectiveness, spawning reams of preventative legislation and lobbing copious amounts of funding at the issue. If the government was sending our diggers to an international conflict that was claiming lives at this same alarming rate, there would be a near-insurrection in the streets.

And yet, that is precisely the rate at which Australian women are being killed by our domestic violence epidemic. The problem has snowballed before our eyes โ€“ during 2013 to 2014 in NSW, domestic violence-related assaults showed significant upward trends, while almost every other category of crime was decreasing.

โ€œItโ€™s a national emergency that is costing lives of women and children.โ€

Anne Summers, leading Australian feminist and author

But, when compared to other line items in the federal budget, the government funding response to the domestic violence crisis seems to be on something of a less-than-emergency footing.

In June 2014, Prime Minister Tony Abbott announced extra funding of $100 million over four years for the National Plan to Reduce Violence against Women and their Children, bringing the total spending for the campaign to $200 million over eight years. Sounds like a lot, right? Sure it does, until you play a little game of compare and contrast.

In August last year the government announced an extra $630 million for homegrown counter-terrorism measures. Meanwhile, the state and federal governments are expected to fork out $325 million for the 100th anniversary of Anzac Day commemorations.

Heck, in 2013 Tasmaniaโ€™s Cadbury chocolate factory was promised $16 million by the government. Just to make chocolate. Which it would presumably have done anyway. Cadbury has since withdrawn its application for the grant.

This funding disconnect is even more astounding when you consider that domestic violence costs the Australian economy a staggering $13.6 billion a yearยฅ (in lost productivity, medical bills and other expenses).

So while we all agree it is time for governments to fork out serious cash, is it time we just got on with things ourselves? After all, great social change has often been built by diligent women, from the ground up. In Australia, the 1974 establishment of Elsie, Australiaโ€™s first womenโ€™s refuge, was one example where our impatience for change proved an unstoppable force. A group of women, including then post-graduate student Anne Summers and her colleague, Diana Beaton, decided to establish a safe place for women fleeing domestic violence.

They didnโ€™t tentatively write to the council or start a petition or spend hours making posters to drum up public support. Instead, armed with shovels and brooms, they seized an abandoned cottage in Sydney, changed the locks and got word out to women in distress that they now had a safe place to turn to.

Their bold action inspired community help. Electrical goods retailer Joyce Mayne delivered refrigerators and washing machines. Local shops donated food and Rotary helped secure the fences. Summers actually dealt marijuana for a year to fund the refuge before some government funding was secured.

It is in that same spirit of unapologetically bolshy pragmatism that Australian women have started to do what the each other. Galvanised into action by leaders such as Batty and other crusaders like Joan Harnum, the mother of murdered domestic violence victim Lisa Harnum, ordinary Australian women have started their own revolution.

There is The Nappy Collective of Melbourne, which began when mother Sandra Jacobs put out a call on Facebook to collect leftover nappies to donate to a womenโ€™s crisis centre. She was deluged with more than 1500 nappies, offered by other ordinary mums. The collective has now spread to other states, with 140 nappy collection points nationwide. On the Gold Coast, there is Assist A Sista, a group of community volunteers who use Facebook to corral clothing, furniture, toys and food to makeover new homes for domestic violence survivors.

In Sydney, there is the Lisa Harnum Foundation, established in 2014 by former nurse and community chaplain Aileen Mountifield. Another community venture with no taxpayer funding, the foundation is fundraising to establish a support centre for battered women in the Hills District of Sydney.

Annabelle Daniel, CEO of the NSW-based Womenโ€™s Community Shelters, didnโ€™t wait for the government to fill a shortfall in temporary crisis accommodation. She led a crusade herself and built the recently opened Hornsby Kuringgai Womenโ€™s Shelter. Along the way she helped raise a $22,000 donation with a comedy night at the local RSL.

These green shoots of community activity have a two-fold effect. Firstly, they shame (or inspire) government into helping out โ€“ it is much easier for a popularity-chasing politician to jump on the bandwagon of an up-and-running community initiative, than it is for him or her to start one from scratch.

Secondly, community initiatives inspire us all to get involved. After all, if one woman can muster an army of thousands of nappy-donors from a single Facebook post, imagine what tsunami of change is possible if we all take up arms for the cause.

At its heart is the power of women helping other women in need. Moo Baulch, CEO of Domestic Violence NSW, says women are excellent at being first responders to others in crisis.

โ€œI think the most practical thing a woman can do is be a good bystander,โ€ she comments.

โ€œFor some women, it will take them 18 or 19 tries to leave. Knowing there is someone there who will believe them, listen to them or offer them a couch to sleep on can make all the difference.โ€

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Your 90s Crushes: Where Are They Now?

20 years has passed since Jared Leto made our knees weak as Jordan Catalano in 'My So Called Life' and Jonathon Taylor Thomas gave us a reason to watch a show about home renovations.
Young person in a leather jacket smiling, with tousled hair, posing outdoors at night near a vehicle.Getty

So where are your 90s crushes now? We find outโ€ฆ

Jonathon Taylor Thomas: Jonathon Taylor Thomas, or JTT as he was affectionately known back then, gave us a reason to watch a show about home improvement (who knew?).

JTT quit Hollywood for a few years and went on to attend Harvard and then St Andrewโ€™s College in Scotland. Now 35, his focus os on directing but he did reuinte onscreen with his Home Improvement co-star Tim Allen for a guest spot on Last Man Standing.

โ€œI never took the fame too seriously,โ€ JTT recently told People. โ€œIt was a great period in my life, but it doesnโ€™t define me. When I think back on the time, I look at it with a wink. I focus on the good moments I had, not that I was on a lot of magazine covers.โ€

Jared Leto: He had our hearts racing in โ€˜My So Called Lifeโ€™ as the dark yet delectable Jordan Catalano.

Noawadays, Jared is the 43-year old too-cool-for-school frontman of โ€˜Thirty Seconds To Marsโ€™. Next up, you can see him in Suicide Squad.

Edward Furlong: Who could forget this face? After brooding his way through Terminator, Furlong became a household name.

Sadly, Furlong has battled with alcohol and drugs since he was a teenager, landing himself in jail several times. In 2013, he admitted himself into rehab.

Devon Sawa: Admit it, you had a massive crush on Devon Sawa in 1995. (Itโ€™s ok, we did too).

Since the 90s, Sawa has kept a relatively low profile, choosing to appear in a string of Indie films. His biggest role to date has been as the role of Owen Elliott in Nikita. Oh, and heโ€™s now married with a baby. Sorry.

Leonardo DiCaprio: His career hadnโ€™t quite hit the big league, but there was no denying Leonardo was popular with the ladies in the 90s.

Not much has changed โ€“ Leonardo is still dubbed a heartthrob (yes, weโ€™ll forgive the beard). Heโ€™s one of the few 90s actors to build a long-standing career.

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Inspiring Speeches To Motivate You For Work Tomorrow

If the thought of work tomorrow has got you down, take some advice and inspiration from the likes of JK Rowling, Steve Jobs and other great leaders...
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Theyโ€™re the speeches given to US university students just before they graduate โ€“ but the advice they contain applies to anyone. Weโ€™ve rounded up five inspiring commencement speeches to help you whether youโ€™re looking for a new direction, or just need some inspiration now youโ€™re back at your desk.

โ€œDonโ€™t be afraid to failโ€ โ€“ JK Rowling spoke to Harvard University students in 2008

โ€œI think itโ€™s fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

โ€œNow, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.

 โ€œSo why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned.โ€

Ellen DeGeneres. (Credit: YouTube)

โ€œYour definition of success will changeโ€ โ€“ Ellen DeGeneres spoke to Tulane students in 2009

 โ€œWhen I was younger I thought success was something different. I thought when I grow up, I want to be famous. I want to be a star. I want to be in movies. When I grow up I want to see the world, drive nice cars, I want to have groupies. To quote the Pussycat Dolls. How many people thought it was โ€˜boobiesโ€™, by the way? Itโ€™s not, itโ€™s โ€˜groupiesโ€™.

โ€œBut my idea of success is different today. And as you grow, youโ€™ll realise the definition of success changes. For many of you, today, success is being able to hold down 20 shots of tequila.

 โ€œFor me, the most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity and not to give into peer pressure to try to be something that youโ€™re not, to live your life as an honest and compassionate person, to contribute in some way. So to conclude my conclusion, follow your passion, stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone elseโ€™s path, unless youโ€™re in the woods and youโ€™re lost and you see a path and by all means you should follow that. Donโ€™t give advice, it will come back and bite you in the arse. Donโ€™t take anyoneโ€™s advice. So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.โ€

Anne Patchett. (Credit: Getty Images)

โ€œItโ€™s ok not to have a planโ€ โ€“ author Anne Patchett gave this speech to students at Sarah Lawrence College in 2006

 โ€œIf all fairy tales begin, โ€˜Once upon a timeโ€™, then all graduation speeches begin, โ€˜when I was sitting where you are nowโ€™. We may not always say it, at least not in those exact words but itโ€™s what graduation speakers are thinking. We look out at the sea of you and think: Isnโ€™t there some mistake? I should still be sitting here. I was that young fifteen minutes ago, I was that beautiful and lost.

 โ€œTime has a funny way of collapsing when you go back to a place you once loved. You find yourself thinking, I was kissed in that building, I climbed up that tree. This place hasnโ€™t changed so terribly much, and so by an extension of logic, I must not have changed much either.

โ€œComing back is the thing that enables you to see how all the dots in your life are connected, how one decision leads you to another, how one twist of fate, good or bad, brings you to a door that later takes you to another door, which aided by several detours โ€” long hallways and unforeseen stairwells โ€” eventually puts you in the place you are now. Every choice lays down a trail of bread crumbs, so that when you look behind you there appears to be a very clear path that points straight to the place where you now stand. But when you look ahead there isnโ€™t a bread crumb in sight โ€” there are just a few shrubs, a bunch of trees, a handful of skittish woodland creatures. You glance from left to right and find no indication of which way youโ€™re supposed to go. And so you stand there, sniffing at the wind, looking for directional clues in the growth patterns of moss, and you think, What now?

โ€œSometimes not having any idea of where weโ€™re going works out better than we could possibly have imagined.โ€

Jeff Bezos. (Credit: Getty Images)

โ€œIn the end we are our choicesโ€ โ€“ Jeff Bezos, the CEO of Amazon, spoke to Princeton students in 2010

โ€œTomorrow, in a very real sense, your life โ€“ the life you author from scratch on your own โ€“ begins. How will you use your gifts? What choices will you make? Will inertia be your guide, or will you follow your passions? Will you follow dogma, or will you be original? Will you choose a life of ease, or a life of service and adventure? Will you wilt under criticism, or will you follow your convictions?

Will you bluff it out when youโ€™re wrong, or will you apologise? Will you guard your heart against rejection, or will you act when you fall in love? Will you play it safe, or will you be a little bit swashbuckling? When itโ€™s tough, will you give up, or will you be relentless? Will you be a cynic, or will you be a builder? Will you be clever at the expense of others, or will you be kind?

โ€œI will hazard a prediction. When you are 80 years old, and in a quiet moment of reflection narrating for only yourself the most personal version of your life story, the telling that will be most compact and meaningful will be the series of choices you have made. In the end, we are our choices. Build yourself a great story.โ€

Steve Jobs. (Credit: YouTube)

โ€œDonโ€™t live someone elseโ€™s lifeโ€ โ€“ Steve Jobs, founder of Apple, gave this address to Stanford University graduates in 2005

โ€œNo one wants to die. Even people who want to go to Heaven donโ€™t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is lifeโ€™s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

โ€œYour time is limited, so donโ€™t waste it living someone elseโ€™s life. Donโ€™t be trapped by dogma โ€” which is living with the results of other peopleโ€™s thinking. Donโ€™t let the noise of othersโ€™ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition โ€ฆ Stay hungry, Stay foolish.โ€

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Home Page 248

Youโ€™ve Made A Difference, Yes, You!

From signing petitions to joining rallies to donating money, you โ€“ our passionate and committed marie claire readers โ€“ have never failed to impress us with your enormous capacity to care.
Group of women in red shirts with strollers holding signs advocating for paid maternity leave on city steps.

In Marie Claireโ€™s 20th edition, we look at two decades of stories that inspired you to take a stand.

You helped Australian women get paid maternity leave

In 2000, Australiaโ€™s treatment of working mothers was woeful- we were one of only two nations in the OECD that did not offer paid maternity leave. This spurred us on to begin an eight-year โ€œPush It!โ€ campaign for mandatory government funded paid maternity leave, which included countless stories, petitions and culminating in a 2008 street rally in Sydneyโ€™s Martin Place.

What you did: More than 350 of you joined our rally carrying placards with slogans that included โ€œPaid Maternity Leave: Time To Deliverโ€. Thousands more of you signed petitions, and sent letters to leaders of the main political parties and your local MPs agitating for change.

Outcome: In June of 2010, legislation was passed on Australiaโ€™s first Paid Parental Leave scheme. The important role you all played in this historic event was recognised by the government in a letter acknowledging marie claireโ€™s commitment to the cause.

You were a voice for women who had no voice

In May 2002, we ran a shocking story about Nigeriaโ€™s practice of death by stoning. We revealed the case of Amina Lawal who had a baby out of wedlock and was found guilty of adultery. The sentence? To be buried up to her neck and have stones thrown at her until she was dead. More than 5000 of you wrote in to support her release and we took your Save Amina protests to the Nigerian High Commissioner. Thanks to you and many others around the world, Amina was freed.

You helped bridge the gap between black and white Australia

In May 2000, hundreds of thousands of Australians walked across the Sydney Harbour Bridge to show their support for reconciliation between indigenous and non-indigenous Australians. A year later, we asked our biggest names and brightest stars to help further the cause by joining our Reconciliation: Make A Difference campaign. The enthusiasm they showed for this cause was overwhelming with everyone from Natalie Imbruglia and Deborah Mailman to authors and sports stars and artists, all rejigging schedules to participate. Thousands of you purchased our bespoke T-shirts to raise money for stolen generation charities.

You got angry

Our investigation into the Yasmin (Yaz) contraceptive pill caused an uproar in 2013. We reported on stories about the bestselling pillโ€™s links to worrying side effects from mood swings to heart attacks to blood clots. More disturbingly, we revealed that the drugโ€™s manufacturer in the US had already paid out some $720 million in settlement claims. Authorities said they could not remove the product from the shelves here. You were outraged. Dozens of you sent us your own personal accounts of hardship, while many of you wrote to thank us for making you aware of the risks and potentially saving lives.

You raised thousands for heart charities

Most people assume that heart disease is linked only to older, overweight men. Yet heart disease kills one in four Australian women and is five times deadlier than breast cancer, making it the number one killer of Australian women. So in 2004, we set out to change this perception and raise awareness about heart disease by inviting the countryโ€™s top fashion designers to create red dresses to be auctioned off for charity.

The result was a merger of style and substance โ€“ the essence of marie claireโ€™s DNA โ€“ and the start of our Red Dress campaign, which we have stayed committed to for 11 years. Over that time, you have raised thousands of dollars for heart health charities by passionately purchasing an array of unique Red Dress products from designer ballgowns to heart-influenced art pieces.

In 2015 alone, you raised $65,000 for the Victor Chang Cardiac Research Institute by supporting our Project Red capsule collection, sold through Cue stores.

You set the agenda

In 2000, we ran a survey asking the women of Australia about their dreams and aspirations. Thousands of you responded and as a result you helped launch our award-winning What Women Want public forums, where high-profile women talked about the issues close to your hearts.

In pre-TED talk days, these events were a rare platform for womenโ€™s voices, and speakers like Belinda Emmett, Wendy Harmer, Jessica Rowe and Claudia Karvan got involved. Some forums were broadcast nationally, and the surveys continued, with results taken to Canberra to inform politicians about what was important to Australian women.

You reduced the mental illness stigma

Despite the fact one in five Australian women suffer from depression in their lifetimes, there is still a sense of shame attached to mental illnesses.

Our 2012 Shine A Light campaign aimed to lift this veil of secrecy by encouraging people to talk openly about their experiences and stars like Asher Keddie, Ada Nicodemou โ€“ and poignantly, Charlotte Dawson โ€“ led the way. Inspired, thousands of you logged onto our Shine A Light stand-alone website to share your stories in the virtual landscape.

You helped to save the planet

In 2007, we were one of the first Australian media outlets to push for action on climate change. 

Our Cool It! campaign ran over two issues, incorporating hard-hitting news as well as practical advice on how to be more eco-aware, all spearheaded by a host of green-conscious stars like Cate Blanchett, Susan Sarandon, Heath Ledger, Rose Byrne and Dr David Suzuki, each disclosing the action they had taken to lessen their carbon footprint. More than 2000 of you signed our petition calling for then-Prime Minister John Howard to invest more in green energy, many telling us how weโ€™d inspired you to make small changes in your own lives.

You stood up for love 

As the only developed English speaking country where the leader of the nation does not support marriage equality, Australia has has fallen behind the rest of the world on the issue of marriage equality.

In July 2012 our politicians were soon to vote on the Marriage Equality Bill in federal parliament, so what better time to launch our campaign supporting same-sex marriage? With a stellar line-up of celebrity support, including Delta Goodrem, Ruby Rose, Rachel Griffiths, Rachael Taylor, Alex Perry, Megan Gale, and Magda Szubansk, our catchy โ€œI Doโ€ campaign hit a nerve. Hundreds of you turned up to our two morning public rallies in Sydney and Melbourne, thousands more of you watched the event live on Sunrise and, most importantly, 170,000 of you signed the GetUp! online petition.

This very public rally took marriage equality into the Australian heartland and placed it firmly on the national agenda.

You covered up for skin cancer

When Rebecca Oborn appeared in the pages of our February 2008 issue stripped naked to the waist exposing a massive scar that sliced across her back due to the removal of a malignant melanoma, the nation took notice. The confronting image โ€“ with the headline โ€œDo you still think youโ€™d look better with a tan?โ€ was the centrepiece of our SunSmart campaign fronted by Australiaโ€™s top fashion names who selflessly supported the cause. We asked you to help raise funds for cancer research by purchasing limited-edition designer items made exclusively by these designers.

Again, you opened your wallets and helped raise thousands for the Cancer Council. Most importantly, you heeded the SunSmart message โ€“ which was supported by TV ads featuring our fashion friends giving their sun tips โ€“ and you slip, slop, slapped your way through our Aussie summers!.

You championed the rights of innocent children

It was a story that broke our hearts โ€“ of the 316 children murdered in Australia over a 10-year period, 65 per cent were killed at the hands of their own parents. It sparked an award-winning series of features that we ran in 2003 and beyond called โ€œChild Abuse: Stopping It Starts With Usโ€. It was the first time that all of the groups working to prevent the abuse of children in Australia came together under one banner.

Thousands of you signed the online pledge to end the cycle of abuse and called for the appointment of an Australian Commissioner for Children and Young People. These signatures were hand-delivered to our politicians in Canberra.

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Candice Swanepol Faceplants At New York Fashion Week

The model took quite a tumble at the Givenchy Show

Despite her years of runway experience, Candice Swanepoel took a nasty tumble at New York Fashion Week.

The Victoriaโ€™s Secret model fell to the floor, grazing her arms and knees, while walking in Givenchyโ€™s spring/summer 2016 runway show on Friday night. 

Candice was offered support from audience members in the front row and made a graceful recovery, continuing to walk down the catwalk โ€“ despite sporting some cuts on her knees.

Taking to Instagram after the incident, Candice, 26, said she was physically fine but had suffered a โ€œbruised egoโ€.

 She wrote: โ€œThank you to who ever picked me up off the runway tonight. left with little scratches but mostly a bruised ego #ohwell (sic)โ€

Stars in attendance at the show included Kim Kardashian West โ€“ whose sister Kendall Jenner also walked for Givenchy โ€“ her husband Kanye West, Nicki Minaj and Ciara.

Last month, Candice got engaged to Brazilian model Hermann Nicoli.

A source close to the South African beauty told E! News: โ€œShe couldnโ€™t be happier.โ€

Earlier this year, Candice admitted she is eager to start a family, claimed she already felt married.

She said: โ€œI would love to have children. Iโ€™m not sure about marriage yet. I kind of feel married already. 10 years is kind of a marriage, so I donโ€™t really need papers to tell me that.โ€

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Syrian Refugees Tell Their Stories

marie claire travelled to Jordan to meet the refugees flooding over the border โ€“ desperate to reach safety.

โ€œI fled Syria seven months pregnantโ€

Fatima Khalil al-Hemet, 32, spent the first months of her pregnancy in hiding in the Syrian city of Deraa with her daughters, Tokaโ€™a, six, and Mariam, three. 

โ€œWhen the shelling started, I was alone with my two daughters, as my husband had gone to Jordan to earn money. During the day, my daughters and I would hide at home. We never knew when we would be bombed because it happened randomly. There were snipers in our street, too, so whenever I went out for supplies I bought at least two daysโ€™ worth of food.

In Syria, life was expensive, food cost a lot. After my husband left, Tokaโ€™a would call out for her dad. She would ask me โ€˜How could Dad leave us here?'โ€ 

โ€œFinally I was able to find a neighbour who helped us leave. The journey took almost a week. When we got to the Jordanian border โ€“ in the middle of a vast desert โ€“ we waited for two nights before the authorities let us cross. I slept on the ground in the sand.

โ€œNow, I am being reunited with my husband for the first time in months. I hope that we will have a chance to build a new life here.โ€

โ€œIโ€™ve been a refugee for a year. Today is my engagement partyโ€


Noha Abu Salam, who says she is 18 but looks younger, lives in Zaatari. She is about to meet a man her parents have agreed she will marry. For Noha, the arranged marriage presents a way out of the camp. 

โ€œI arrived in the Zaatari camp more than a year ago. I came with my uncle and my mother after we fled from [the Syrian capital] Damascus. At first I didnโ€™t like living in Zaatari. But now it is OK because all my brothers and sisters are here. 

โ€œToday is my engagement party. I woke up at six this morning to start the preparations. I am about to meet my husband for the first time. Iโ€™m nervous and excited. He is the cousin of my sisterโ€™s fiancรฉ and used to be in the Syrian army before defecting to the opposition. Now, he lives in the city of Zarqa in Jordan, where he works as a carpenter. 

โ€œIโ€™ve hired a wedding dress and these shoes for $75 for my wedding day from a bridal shop in the camp. After the wedding, I will live at his house. I have been imagining my future husband and I imagine that I like everything about him. But we have never met so there is no love. I just hope that he is a good man.โ€

โ€œWhen we fled our village, bodies laid in the streetsโ€


Rawaโ€™a, nine, fled a massacre inher village. She escaped with her mother and a neighbour, Wael. 

Wael: โ€œThe Syrian army entered our village and started burning and destroying the houses of anyone who could have been working with the Free Syrian Army. They shot people in their homes and on the street. Dozens of people were killed. No-one was buried properly. We escaped to the nearby town and returned home to find bodies strewn on the streets. 

โ€œThe soldiers put us all in a school hall and made us sing in support of President Bashar al-Assad. Guns were pointed at us and we knew we had to, even though he had destroyed our homes and our lives. We arrived in Jordan last night. It took us days to get here.โ€ 

Raโ€™wa: โ€œThese are not my favourite shoes. The army stole [my favourite pair]. They took everything from my house. I used to play all day. The boys played outside and I played with them, too. We used to run and see who could jump up onto the high wall at the side of the street. In school, I liked all my subjects. 

โ€œThe journey here was awful. I was scared. I had to stand up in the back of a truck and, as it went over the sand dunes, I felt like I was going to fall.โ€

โ€œI didnโ€™t want to leave my homeโ€

Ramaโ€™a, a 29-year old philosophy teacher, fled Deraa, in southern Syria, with her children. 

โ€œIt took us six days to reach the Jordanian border. We travelled through the desert in a truck crammed with more than 100 people. At night, it was freezing โ€“ we had to lie on the ground. The only route available is called โ€˜the road of deathโ€™. You see the graves of the people who died on the way as you travel by. 

โ€œFor me, my home was the most beautiful place. We didnโ€™t want to leave it for the world. I cry when I think about it. But we had no choice. Earlier this year my childrenโ€™s school was raided by soldiers. Theyโ€™d heard that some of the children had been chanting anti-regime slogans, and they forced their way in. They pointed their guns and made the children kneel. One 14-year-old boy was shot in the head. 

โ€œI used to be a philosophy teacher. We had a good life. When we left, we carried what we could. I arrived here just in these clothes and these shoes. These SpongeBob SquarePants shoes are my daughterโ€™s favourite.โ€

For me, my home was the most beautiful place. We didnโ€™t want to leave it for the world. I cry when I think about it. But we had no choice.

Ramaโ€™a, Syrian philosophy teacher

โ€œI carried my baby in my arms across Syriaโ€

Tara, 20, has a four-month-old baby and a five-year-old boy and travelled with her sister and their husbands from the eastern province of Hassakeh. 

โ€œWe left Syria one month ago and it took 15 days to get here. We fled Hassakeh out of fear. Our children couldnโ€™t walk in the street or go to school because they were kidnapping kids for ransom.

โ€œThe day we decided to leave, there were planes above us dropping bombs. We packed just a few possessions in a hurry. We packed these dresses because they are special to us. They are our favourite clothes. In Hassakeh, we would wear them to parties and weddings.

โ€œFirst, my sister, myself and my husband climbed onto one motorbike, speeding through the dark streets for one hour. Then we got on the back of a truck with 10 other people. I had to carry my four-month-old baby in my arms. We drove like this all the way to Damascus. It took 12 hours. We crossed rebel checkpoints and government checkpoints on the way, and at every one I held my breath in fear.โ€

โ€œRebels burnt our house downโ€

Israr, 20, was a local government employee from Damascus who fledthe city for Jordan with her family. She was too afraid to give her surname โ€“ fearing that extremist elements of the opposition back in Syria would harm her family if she spoke out. 

โ€œI worked for the local government, so my family didnโ€™t participate in the anti-government protests. As a consequence, our home was looted and later burnt down. It was the only home in the street [the rebels] attacked. There was nothing left. All my possessions were burnt, the walls were black. 

โ€œAfter that we fled the neighbourhood at dawn. We slept wherever we could, and friends and strangers hosted us. At first my father had a car, but when we ran out of money he had to sell it. We only took the clothes we fled in. I decided to wear my best pair of shoes โ€“ I only bought this pair two months ago. Sometimes I would take them off and walk barefoot because I didnโ€™t want to ruin them. We walked for miles in the desert to reach Jordan. 

โ€œIf I say something more about this or against al-Qaeda, who now control our area, they will kidnap a relative of mine in Syria [in revenge]. I am so afraid.โ€

โ€œI wonโ€™t leave Syriaโ€

Um Yousef (a pseudonym that means โ€œmother of Yousefโ€) is 65. The war has scattered her nine adult children across the Middle East, with some going to Jordan and Turkey and others to Saudi Arabia. But Um Yousef and her elderly husband refuse to leave Syria. 

โ€œI have just been smuggled from Syria to Jordan so that I can visit my daughter, who is living here now. She moved here to [the city] Irbid, with her husband seven months ago. In a few days, I will go back.

โ€œI had to give up most of my savings to smugglers. They put me in a truckfor 19 hours and we crossed the redmud desert. When we reached the border, the Jordanian army made us wait before crossing. I was soaking wet because the sky opened on us. There was a storm with fierce rain and lightning and we had no shelter. The desert turned to mud and came up to my ankles. 

โ€œIn Deraa, my village in Syria, there are warplanes, rocket fire, tanks and snipers. We are waiting for our deaths, but it is better than living as a refugee.โ€

How you can help:

More than two million Syrian refugees have now fled into neighbouring countries to seek safety, and thousands more are pouring across borders each day. This is one of the largest refugee exoduses in recent history. The UN Refugee Agency is on the ground providing shelter, medical care and emergency relief items, from blankets to clothing and food. To donate, visit www.unrefugees.org.au/syria or phone 1300 361 288.

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Home Page 248

Success โ€“ How Much Is Enough?

For some, it means ticking certain career boxes. For others, it could be annual overseas adventures. Now, there's a new movement that is redefining our concept of success.

When I was in my early 20s, I had a very clear definition of what success looked like. It meant having a job that impressed your relatives at Christmas and earned you enough money to live in a converted warehouse and holiday annually in Paris. 

For my friends and I, success wasnโ€™t just a recipe (prestigious job + good income = successful life), it was also a simple pass or a fail. You either were a โ€œsuccessโ€ or (brutally) you were not.

And so we spent our 20s furiously trying to be successful. Putting in long, enthusiastic hours at work, coming up for air to holiday somewhere cool, but making sure the house-deposit savings didnโ€™t cop too much of a dent. Or that our career progress wasnโ€™t interrupted.

But as weโ€™ve neared and reached our 30s, that definition has started to wobble. I look at one friend โ€“ a lawyer who works in a big city firm โ€“ who isnโ€™t sure she wants to keep working 80-hour weeks to burn out like her seniors. Another is wondering how to combine an investment banking career that took her to London and New York with a new baby. A third is looking at doing volunteer work one day a week, as she has realized that her job as a government policy adviser doesnโ€™t make her happy on its own.

Somewhere along the way, success has morphed from something we could just โ€œtick offโ€ into something that is a lot harder to pin down.

One could argue that itโ€™s entirely normal โ€“ ideal even โ€“ to reassess priorities as you get older. But as my friends and I think about which mix of career, love, family and lifestyle will add up to โ€œsuccessโ€ at this stage of life, an international movement has come along to shake up the term altogether.

Spearheaded by Arianna Huffington โ€“ best known as editor-in-chief of The Huffington Post โ€“ The Third Metric aims to redefine success.

Up until now, says Huffington, the workplace and how it measures success have been defined on male terms โ€“ namely money and power. Not only is this too narrow, it is leaving both women and men stressed, burnt out and sleep deprived. With The Third Metric, Huffington is arguing for a more โ€œhumaneโ€ and โ€œsustainableโ€ definition of success that also includes wellbeing, wonder, empathy and giving. She is even billing it as feminismโ€™s newest mission: โ€œThe first revolution was about women getting the vote, the second was getting an equal place at every level of society โ€ฆ The third revolution is changing the [workplace] world that men have designed.โ€ Huffington is not the first to advocate a healthier approach to the office (the concept of โ€œwork-life balanceโ€ has been around for years). Nor is she the first to argue that competing in a โ€œmanโ€™s worldโ€ isnโ€™t all itโ€™s cracked up to be (hello, Germaine Greer).

But The Third Metric push also comes as our office lives take up more and more of the rest of our lives, thanks to a nonstop, technology-fuelled working culture that glorifies โ€œcrazy busyโ€. And, as the (small) number of women in many types of top-level jobs appears to have plateaued.

But what is success?

No matter what the official definition is, it depends on whom you ask. For my friend Keshvar*, 31, success is a range of things: โ€œItโ€™s being healthy, physically and emotionally, a job that earns good money โ€“ but doesnโ€™t define me โ€“ and my child coming home with a smile on his face.โ€

For 33-year-old Alice*, it has been about a law degree, a Harvard MBA and competing in the corporate world โ€“ as well as starting a family. โ€œI really like working with intelligent people,โ€ she says.

And whether youโ€™re a Keshvar or an Alice โ€“ or someone entirely different โ€“ your level of ambition or definition of success is determined by a range of factors.

Psychologist Dr Tim Sharp says that a combination of genetics, early formative life events and attitudes instilled by parents or role models play a part in shaping what โ€œsuccessโ€ means to you, as well as โ€œconscious decisionsโ€ we make in the present.

Life coach Shannah Kennedy, who works with CEOs and elite athletes, says that along with our personal definition of success, we need to have a โ€œwell thought out planโ€ of how to get there.

And while successful people come in all shapes and sizes, they tend to share certain psychological strengths, such as perseverance, flexibility, optimism and a sense of gratification. โ€œSuccessful people focus on what they have rather than what they donโ€™t have,โ€ reveals Dr Sharp. โ€œThey say thank you more often.โ€ 

โ€œSuccessful people tend to share certain psychological strengthsโ€

Judith Ireland

Does gender play a role in defining success?

Some experts believe that gender plays a role, too. It is a thorny and much debated idea โ€“ that men and women approach success differently โ€“ and one often wheeled out to explain the shortage of women CEOs or MPs. Maybe, the argument goes, women simply donโ€™t want these high-pressure, high-status roles.

Feminists such as Tanja Kovac, convenor of political action group EMILYโ€™s List Australia, dismiss this kind of talk as โ€œrubbishโ€, saying it obscures the real issues, such as discrimination and the difficulties of combining work with motherhood.

However, US-based gender analyst Barbara Annis believes that men and women see success differently. She argues that men define success as โ€œwinningโ€, while women want to be valued as well as to win. Other studies have suggested that while women are just as ambitious as men, theyโ€™re more selective about when they engage in competition. In other words, they weigh up the cost of competing in a way men donโ€™t. Others believe that if this is the case, itโ€™s because women have been socialised to act this way.

For her part, Huffington โ€“ who, as a global media entrepreneur, best-selling author and one-time political candidate is no stranger to success โ€“ is not advocating that women opt out. The Third Metric is about empowering them to work smarter and healthier. She believes itโ€™s up to us as women to change modern working culture because we came to the business world later, and therefore have the clarity to see whatโ€™s not working

Her own epiphany came after she fainted from exhaustion in 2007 and broke her cheekbone, resulting in a self- described โ€œjourneyโ€ re-evaluating the meaning of our working lives. โ€œItโ€™s not enough to enter the world of men now,โ€ Huffington told Forbes magazine. She believes the next wave of the womenโ€™s revolution must โ€œchange the metrics of that worldโ€ and โ€œreshape the way it functionsโ€.

She explains further: โ€œThis time, weโ€™re not just fighting for a space in the world, weโ€™re fighting to change it.โ€

โ€œWe need to change the metrics of the working worldโ€

Arianna Huffington, Author, entrepreneur

The message has already found a receptive audience โ€“ Huffington has hosted three influential summits on the topic in New York, London and Munich in Germany, with more in the pipeline, and is currently writing a book about the โ€œsuccess mythโ€ slated to be published in March 2014.

A new view of success

Dr Sharp, who heads up Sydneyโ€™s Happiness Institute, agrees that itโ€™s time we start looking at more sustainable, โ€œmultidimensionalโ€ models of success. He argues, โ€œThe wealthiest person is not successful if he or she does not have their health or good-quality relationships.โ€ He also thinks itโ€™s a message people are starting to get. Seeing clients in the wake of the global financial crisis, he has noticed a significant number who want to expand their definition of success beyond making money. He points to the โ€œwellbeing epidemicโ€ โ€“ the growth of gyms, yoga classes and even juice bars โ€“ as a sign that people are looking for โ€œsomething moreโ€.

Kale smoothies aside, at an individual level, he says, the best thing we can do is to decide what success means to us personally: โ€œWhere we get into trouble is when we try and copy other people.โ€

And as Huffington advocates, it also helps to be kinder to ourselves, too. I havenโ€™t managed to snag that warehouse, Iโ€™ve been to Paris once and my family is more confused than impressed by what I do for a living. Lucky then, that succeeding at success is a lifelong project.

Judith Ireland is a journalist for Fairfax Media in Canberra.

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Home Page 248

Is This The Most Powerful Woman In Australia?

Meet the woman behind the man: Tony Abbott's "political warrior" Peta Credlin.

In Tony Abbottโ€™s victory speech last Saturday night he thanked his Chief of Staff, Peta Credlin, referring to her as โ€œthe smartest and the fiercest political warrior I have ever worked withโ€.

Marie Claire featured Peta Credlin in our Game Changers story last year, which profiled successful working women who were challenging the status quo. Though fiercely private, we had to convince her to spearhead such an amazing group of women and she didnโ€™t disappoint (in fact, if truth be told, we had a bit of a girl crush on her). Now, as one of the most powerful women in the country, we thought it would be interesting to look back on what she had to say at the time.

Path to the top: Credlin discovered her love for public speaking and debating during a Rotary high-school exchange program in California. After graduating with a law degree, her first job was as a speechwriter for a senator, and she has stayed in โ€œback of houseโ€ politics for much of her decade-long career. She is one of the Liberal Partyโ€™s longest-serving female chiefs of staff.

The defining moment: โ€œI regard myself as a right-wing feminist, so when Tony asked me to be his chief of staff in 2009 I sat down and had a frank conversation with him and said, โ€˜Thereโ€™s a perception of you on womenโ€™s issues and I want to hear it straight from you. I canโ€™t work for you unless weโ€™re on the same page.โ€™ He spelt it out: heโ€™s passionate about IVF, heโ€™s pro-contraception and believes abortion should be safe, legal and rare. I felt comfortable I could work for him and Iโ€™ve never regretted that decision. He has been a great boss.โ€

Career tip: โ€œSpin will only get you so far in my job โ€“ substance is what will make the difference.โ€

Toughest day on the job: โ€œThere was a grubby joke told about me at a union event attended by some Labor MPs in Canberra. I didnโ€™t hear about it until the next day. The joke didnโ€™t faze me โ€“ politics is tough โ€“ but on that day I had come to the office straight from hospital after my fifth failed IVF attempt. All I wanted to do was go home to bed, pull the doona over my head and cry. But if I didnโ€™t front up, there would be a sense that the joke had got to me. So I had to sit through Question Time in the advisorโ€™s box and have a smile on my face. It was personally tough.โ€

The โ€œtoken femaleโ€: โ€œSometimes you walk into a senior business meeting and the room is full of men, and some idiot around the table may try to make you feel like a token female. But theyโ€™ll only ever get to do that once. Itโ€™s up to you: no-one can make you feel inferior unless you let them.โ€

On a personal note: โ€œI took up surfing and Iโ€™m really hopeless, though I get out on the water as much as I can. The office gave me a custom-made, leopard-skin longboard for my 40th, and everyone signed it. I figured when Iโ€™m 75 and in the surf, I can look back and remember all these terrific people I used to work with.โ€

 Why sheโ€™s on our list: โ€œHolding down the chief of staffโ€™s job in a federal political leaderโ€™s office is still a rarity for a woman. What stands out about Peta is that she is seen by Coalition MPs as having an iron grip on what goes before Tony Abbott and what doesnโ€™t. Until now, her approach has produced an ultra-disciplined political attack by the Opposition, which has helped tear down one prime minister and almost cost Labor government after just one term.โ€ โ€“ Laura Tingle, political editor for The Australian Financial Review.

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Home Page 248

Inside A Refugee Camp

On a visit to one of the hundreds of tented refugee camps in Lebanon, UNICEF ambassador Tara Moss discovered a horrific development: the sale of displaced Syrian girls as child brides.

The going price for a Syrian child bride in Lebanon is about $US2500, Iโ€™m told.

Iโ€™m in the country meeting with some of the millions of refugees who have fled the Syrian war. This conflict has caused the largest displacement of people since WWII. More than half the refugees are children; more than half are female. While global media focus remains on heavily armed men, UNICEF and other aid agencies have seen the way this war has impacted women.

โ€œEvery family says the same things: that theyโ€™re doing it to โ€˜protect herโ€™,โ€ explains UNICEF Lebanonโ€™s Soha Boustani about the rise in child marriages in the camps. For cultural reasons, and because of high rates of abuse, having a husband is deemed better than having none, even for a young girl. The common payment of $US2500 for a bride is enough for a refugee family to pay rent to local landholders for a year. The rent frees up a small patch of land, with the landlord usually demanding backbreaking labour of a family member as well.

Itโ€™s not hard to see why many of these struggling families marry their daughters off. It means thereโ€™s one less mouth to feed, one less person to protect. Sometimes the landlord will make an offer to families for girls as young as 11 in exchange for the rent. Other times it is simply a man with enough money. There is now an organised trade in Syrian child brides. โ€œSome men say they prefer them,โ€ one Lebanese aid worker tells me, โ€œbecause they are beautiful and obedient.โ€

The rise in Syrian child brides has arrived from a complex mix of old dowry rites and the vulnerability of millions of refugees living in poverty.

โ€œFamilies start to see that there could be a price tag for their daughter,โ€ Jihane Latrous from UNICEF Lebanon explains. โ€œโ€˜Give me your daughter and you donโ€™t pay rent for three months.โ€™โ€

In a refugee camp on the outer reaches of the city of Tripoli, I meet a young woman of 16. Sheโ€™s a child bride, married at 14 to try to protect her from the threat of rape at the hands of militant forces in Syria. She is hunched over, sitting on the floor with me. She looks much older than she is โ€“ her eyes are old, hardened. โ€œWe all heard the stories about the rapes,โ€ she says.

Her family heard about this violence against women and encouraged her to marry as soon as possible. She married at 14 and like many child brides, fell pregnant early and suffered with the complications common to children bearing children โ€“ anaemia, blood loss. Now this girl, still a child herself, is in a camp with a child to care for.

At a shelter in Lebanonโ€™s Bekaa Valley, one of UNICEFโ€™s local partner agencies gives girls a safe place to rebuild their lives after physical and sexual violence, and protects others from the risks associated with child marriage. The girls I meet there are wearing colourful clothing and hijabs. Some are holding each otherโ€™s hands like lifelines. After some initial shyness, they tell me their stories. Most have been dealing with the pressure to marry from the age of 12.

โ€œI tell [my family] I am not ready for a husband,โ€ one of them announces, and there is applause from her peers. They want to be teachers, lawyers. โ€œOf the rights you have learnt about,โ€ I ask, โ€œwhich surprised you the most?โ€

At this the girls animate, hands shooting up. โ€œRights? We didnโ€™t know women had rights,โ€ several of them say.

Knowledge empowers, but these girls need more. They need a world that respects those rights. And more than anything, they need the war in Syria โ€“ and the war on women โ€“ to end.

This story originally appeared in October issue.

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Home Page 248

Meet the Love Hunters

Youโ€™ve heard of model scouts, but what about marriage scouts? In China, millionaires are turning to a new breed of matchmakers to scour the country for โ€œperfectโ€ wives.

From her stake-out near the entrance of an H&M store in Joy City, a Beijing shopping mall, Yang Jing seems lost in thought, twirling a strand of her auburn-tinted hair, tapping her nails on an aquamarine iPhone. But her eyes keep moving. They track the clusters of young women zigzagging from Zara to Calvin Klein. They linger on a face, a gesture, and then move on, darting across the atrium, searching.

โ€œThis is a good place to hunt,โ€ she says. โ€œI always have good luck here.โ€

For Yang, Joy City is not so much a consumer mecca as an urban Serengeti where she prowls for potential wives for some of Chinaโ€™s richest bachelors. Yang, 29, is one of Chinaโ€™s premier love hunters, a new breed of Chinese matchmaker that has proliferated in the countryโ€™s economic boom. The company she works for, Diamond Love and Marriage, caters to men, and occasionally women, willing to pay tens and even hundreds of thousands of dollars to outsource the search for their ideal spouse.

In Joy City, Yang gives instructions to her eight-scout team, one of six squads the company is deploying in three cities for one Shanghai millionaire. This client has provided a list of requirements for his future wife, including her age (22 to 26), skin colour (โ€œwhite as porcelainโ€) and sexual history (yes, a virgin).

โ€œThese millionaires are very picky, you know?โ€ remarks Yang. โ€œNobody can ever be perfect enough.โ€ Still, the potential reward for Yang is huge: the love hunter who finds the clientโ€™s eventual choice will receive a bonus of more than $30,000, around five times the average annual salary in this line of work.

Suddenly, a signal comes.

From across the atrium, a co-worker of Yangโ€™s catches her eye and nods at a woman in a blue dress, walking alone. Yang circles behind her.

โ€œPerfect skin,โ€ she whispers. โ€œElegant face.โ€ When the woman walks into H&M, Yang intercepts her in the sweater aisle. โ€œIโ€™m so sorry to bother you,โ€ she says with a honeyed smile. โ€œIโ€™m a love hunter. Are you looking for love?โ€

โ€œIโ€™m a love hunter. Are you looking for love?โ€

Yang Jing

Three decades of rapid growth and structural change have reshaped the landscape of marriage in China. A generation ago, it was one of the worldโ€™s most equal nations, in both gender and wealth. Most people were poor and tight controls over housing, employment, travel and family life simplified the search for a suitable match โ€“ what the Chinese call men dang hu dui, meaning roughly โ€œfamily doors of equal sizeโ€.

โ€œThe old family and social networks that people used to rely on for finding a husband or wife have fallen apart,โ€ claims James Farrer, an American sociologist whose book, Opening Up, looks at sex, dating and marriage in contemporary China. โ€œThereโ€™s a huge sense of dislocation in China and young people donโ€™t know where to turn.โ€

Demographic changes, too, are creating complications. Not only are many more Chinese women postponing marriage to pursue careers, but Chinaโ€™s gender gap โ€“ 118 boys are born for every 100 girls โ€“ has become one of the worldโ€™s widest, fuelled in large part by the governmentโ€™s restrictive one-child policy. By the end of this decade, Chinese researchers estimate, the country will have a surplus of 24 million unmarried men.

Without traditional family or social networks, many men and women have taken their searches online, where thousands of dating and marriage websites have sprung up in an industry that analysts predict will soon surpass $300 million annually. These sites cater mainly to Chinaโ€™s millions of white collar workers. But intense competition, along with mistrust of potential matesโ€™ online claims, has spurred a growing number of singles to turn to more hands-on matchmaking services.

Dozens of such services have sprung up in China in the past five years, some of them charging big fees to find and vet prospective spouses for wealthy clients. โ€œThese men are lost souls,โ€ remarks Yang. โ€œThey worked hard, made a lot of money and left their old world behind. Now they donโ€™t have time to find a wife and they donโ€™t know whom to trust. So they come to us.โ€

While Yangโ€™s new client, a divorced 42-year-old property mogul, is prepared to pay the equivalent of $500,000, he isnโ€™t the biggest case in the companyโ€™s history โ€“ in 2011, a man paid $1.5 million for a successful 12-city hunt.

Mr Big, as Iโ€™ll call him โ€“ he insists Diamond Love not reveal his name โ€“ is a member of Chinaโ€™s fuyidai, the โ€œfirst-generation richโ€ who have leapt from poverty to extreme wealth in a single bound, often jettisoning their first wives in the process. Diamond Loveโ€™s clientele also includes many fuerdai, or โ€œsecond-generation richโ€, men and women in their 20s and 30s whose search is often bankrolled by wealthy parents keen to exert control over their marital choices as well as the family inheritance.

But fuyidai like Mr Big are accustomed to being the boss and can be the most uncompromising clients.

Mr Big has excruciatingly specific requirements for his second wife. The ideal woman would look like a younger replica of Zhou Tao, a famous Chinese TV host: slim with pure white skin, slightly pointed chin, perfect teeth, eyelid surgery to Westernise her eyes, and long, silken hair. To ensure her good character and fortune, he insists her wuguan โ€“ a feng shui-like reading of the sense organs on the face โ€“ shows perfect harmony.

โ€œWhen clients start out, all they want is beauty โ€“ how tall, how white, how thin,โ€ explains Yang. โ€œSometimes the person theyโ€™re looking for doesnโ€™t exist in nature. Even if we find her, these clients often have no idea whether that would make their hearts feel settled. Itโ€™s our job to try to move them from fantasy towards reality.โ€

โ€œSometimes the person theyโ€™re looking for doesnโ€™t exist in nature. Itโ€™s our job to move them from fantasy to reality.โ€

Yang Jing, Love Hunter

Fantasy, of course, is precisely what Diamond Love sells. Yangโ€™s boss, Fei Yang, is a smoky-voiced woman in a black leather jacket who used to trade in electronic goods. Inviting me to sit on a bright pink couch in her lushly carpeted office, she describes how the firm has โ€œspread the culture of the relationshipโ€ since 2005, when it opened in Shanghai. It now has six branches, with 200 consultants, 200 full-time love hunters and hundreds more part-time scouts, virtually all of them women.

Teacher Fei, as her employees call her, runs a series of โ€œhow to be a better wifeโ€ workshops that coach women on the finer points of managing a wealthy household, reading their husbandsโ€™ moods and โ€œunderstanding the importance of sexual relationsโ€. The fee for two 14-day courses is $16,000.

But Diamond Loveโ€™s chief target is men โ€“ the wealthier the better. The companyโ€™s four million members are mostly men who pay from a few dollars a month for basic searches to more than $15,000 for access to exclusive databases, with customised assistance from a professional love consultant.

The companyโ€™s wealthiest, highest paying clients โ€“ 90 per cent of whom are men โ€“ show little interest in lectures or databases. They want exclusive access to what Fei coolly refers to as โ€œfresh resourcesโ€: young women who havenโ€™t yet been exposed to other suitors online. Itโ€™s the love huntersโ€™ job to find them.

Besides giving clients a vastly expanded pool of marriage prospects, these campaigns offer a sense of security. Rigorous background checks screen out what Fei calls โ€œgold-diggers, liars and people of loose moralsโ€. Depending on a campaignโ€™s size, Diamond Love charges from $50,000 to more than $1 million. Fei makes no apologies for the high fees.

โ€œWhy shouldnโ€™t they pay more to find the perfect wife?โ€ she reasons. โ€œThis is the most important investment in their lives.โ€

Even before Mr Big signs a contract, Yang senses trouble. She and a colleague have culled the companyโ€™s exclusive databases to find women to serve as templates for the love huntersโ€™ search. Together with Mr Big, they look at the files and pictures of their top 3000 women. He rejects them all. โ€œ

Even if the girlโ€™s eyebrow was just a half-millimetre too high, he would toss the photo out and say, โ€˜No good!โ€™โ€ recalls Yang. โ€œHe always found something to complain about.โ€

With more than $500,000 on the line, Yang is beginning to doubt her ability to deliver. And not just for Mr Big. One afternoon when we meet, the normally animated Yang slumps onto the sofa, exhausted. Sheโ€™s just spent an hour with a rich Chinese businesswoman in her late 30s. The woman proposed spending $100,000 on a campaign to find a husband who matched her status.

โ€œI had to tell her we couldnโ€™t take her case,โ€ admits Yang. โ€œNo wealthy Chinese man would ever marry her. They always want somebody younger, with less power.โ€

The day Mr Big signs his contract with Diamond Love and begins paying his fee, Yang flies to Chengdu, capital of Sichuan province, where sheโ€™ll kickstart the campaign. โ€œI always feel unsettled during a campaign,โ€ she reveals, โ€œbut this time, the stress [is] crazy.โ€

Her team of 10 love hunters scour university campuses and shopping malls for three weeks, trying to meet a daily quota of 20 high-quality women, or two per person. Yang offers a bonus, about $16, for every candidate above the quota and sets a personal goal of finding 10 โ€œclass Aโ€ women a day herself.

One afternoon in Chengdu, after slurping down a bowl of beef noodles at Master Kongโ€™s Chefโ€™s Table, Yang notices a young woman sweeping past her into the restaurant, chatting on a mobile phone. Long black hair hides most of her face, but thereโ€™s something captivating about her laugh and easy gait. โ€œ

She seemed open, warm, happy,โ€ remembers Yang. After a moment of indecision, Yang follows her inside, apologises for the intrusion and switches on her charm. Linking arms with the woman โ€“ one of her patented moves โ€“ Yang comes away with her phone number, photograph and a few pertinent details: sheโ€™s 24, a graduate student and a near-ringer for TV hostess Zhou Tao.

The love-hunting campaign for Mr Big yields more than 1100 fresh prospects who meet his general specifications, including 200 in Chengdu. โ€œThe cruel process of culling,โ€ as Yang calls it, whittles that number down to 100, then 20 and finally to a list of eight. (For Diamond Love, a fringe benefit of lovehunting campaigns is that the hundreds of rejected potential mates can be cycled into its databases โ€“ a process of replenishment paid for by its richest clients.)

The company subjects the finalists to another round of interviews and psychological evaluations. Barely two months after the search began, Mr Big receives thick dossiers on each of the eight, with detailed information about their families and finances, habits and hobbies, and physical and mental conditions.

Finally, a series of grainy videos lands in his email inbox. The first shows the top three prospects from Chengdu, sitting and standing, walking and talking, smiling and laughing. One of them, a demure 24 year old with long black hair and black hotpants who seems poised in front of the camera, is the graduate student whom Yang pursued on a hunch at the noodle restaurant.

Yangโ€™s hunting skills and tenacity have paid off again, giving her two of the eight finalists and a 25 per cent chance of winning a $32,000 bonus. (For finding two of the top 20, sheโ€™s already earned a share of a smaller bonus.) When I ask about the reward, Yang demurs at first. โ€œMy aim is just to find a match that makes both people happy,โ€ she states, before adding: โ€œInside my heart, I want my girls to win.โ€

Yang has worked hard for the opportunity. She heads to her job early in the morning, leaving her five-year-old son in her mother-in-lawโ€™s care, and returns after 8pm. Sheโ€™s often gone for weeks at a time on love-hunting trips. Her husband, whom she married at 22, when he was 35, ran a trucking logistics company that folded in 2009. Since then, he hasnโ€™t worked much. With one large bonus, Yang bought him a car that he tinkers with. Her occupation has given her a rather jaded view of the prospects for career women like herself. Once she tells me half-jokingly: โ€œItโ€™s a good thing Iโ€™m already married. I would never stand a chance.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s a good thing Iโ€™m already married. I would never stand a chance.โ€

Yang Jing

Mr Big flies to Chengdu to meet the three local finalists. In the elevator of the Shangri-La Hotel, he fidgets nervously with the part in his moussed hair. Heโ€™s invested more than $500,000 in the search and is about to see if the money was well spent.

His final date in Chengdu is with the Zhou Tao look-alike whom Yang approached at the noodle restaurant. At first it seems to be a mismatch, and not just because of the 18-year age gap. He knows nearly everything about her โ€“ her dating history, her recent acceptance to a graduate school, her fatherโ€™s lofty government post โ€“ while she knows little more than his height and weight. She doesnโ€™t even know his name. Diamond Love has told her only that his net worth exceeds $800,000.

The young woman tries to keep things casual by taking him to a local restaurant. But Mr Big insists on bringing along a female consultant from Diamond Love and sitting awkwardly off to one side during the meal. According to the consultant, Li Minmin, he sits in this position โ€œto better evaluate her profile, her skin and her teethโ€.

The two barely speak without the consultantโ€™s prodding. Still, Mr Big seems pleased by the womanโ€™s sense of privacy when he inquires about her fatherโ€™s job. โ€œHeโ€™s a civil servant,โ€ she replies. What level? โ€œManagement.โ€ It takes several minutes โ€“ and a blunt question โ€“ before she acknowledges that her father is, in fact, the boss of an influential government office. โ€œFrom childhood,โ€ she tells him, โ€œmy father taught me to keep a low profile.โ€

Suddenly, this seems like a suitable match in the Chinese tradition of โ€œfamily doors of equal sizeโ€. Here are two discreet people of similar social status: a wealthy entrepreneur and the daughter of a high-ranking official.

After dinner, Mr Big cancels all other dates with finalists and dispatches Li to buy a Gucci handbag for the woman as a token of affection. Barely a week later, he flies her to Hainan island off the south coast of China for a holiday at a beachside resort. The two stay in separate rooms. When they return, Li insists that โ€œthe relationship is still pureโ€.

Yangโ€™s pleased that her love hunting has hit the mark, but she wishes the courtship would move faster: a $32,000 bonus could make a big difference to her family. After texting and phoning, the couple meet again in Beijing and then take a holiday in a mountainous area of Sichuan province. In Chengdu, though, Mr Big declines to meet the womanโ€™s parents and instead of joining her at the wedding of her friends, stays in the hotel.

The couple has not yet decided to marry. But theyโ€™re still dating exclusively, and Yang says Mr Big is serious about marriage. Nobody pays half a million dollars โ€œjust to play aroundโ€, she points out. โ€œHe just needs a little more time.โ€

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Home Page 248

The Enemy Within: Women And Post-Traumatic Stress

Long after they signed on for military service, many of Australiaโ€™s female veterans are struggling with an enemy you donโ€™t see in the recruitment ads.
Three military-themed photos on a wooden table; a soldier, a ship, and a person in uniform smiling.supplied

Standing by the helipad at the Townsville army barracks on June 13, 1996, as a black dot appeared in the sky and the familiar thwack of helicopter rotor blades reached her ears, Private Calli Morgan began to shake. With every muscle tensing up, she couldnโ€™t swallow, let alone think about moving. โ€œWhen the [helicopter] arrives, I want you to take the bodies off and put them on the back of the vehicle,โ€ an officer gently instructed Morgan, a truck driver, and a dozen or so other soldiers.

โ€œLetโ€™s just get this done. Look after the men who have passed away.โ€ The soldiers made eye contact with one another. โ€œDonโ€™t cry, donโ€™t cry, donโ€™t cry,โ€ Morgan silently willed herself. The previous night, two Black Hawk helicopters had collided in the highrange training area behind the North Queensland military base. Both caught fire, and one crashed. Eighteen personnel were killed.

It was the worst accident in the history of Australiaโ€™s elite Special Air Service Regiment. Though word of the accident had spread through the base, the first Morgan knew of casualties was at the helipad, where she was handed two pairs of gloves โ€“ one surgical, the other elbow-length and heavy-duty.

As the rescue helicopter shuddered to the ground, through the open rear door Morgan could see rows of body bags. โ€œSadness overwhelmed me,โ€ she recalls now, from her home in Adelaide. โ€œIt was like someone was dropping a car on me. I just kept thinking there are people at home crying over these men. Has anybody held them? Has anybody held these poor men?โ€

So, as the men were taken from the chopper, โ€œI just put my hands underneath and tried to hold them as compassionately as possible. My heart burst. There were just so many of them.โ€ The bodies had been out in the bush overnight. โ€œIt was,โ€ relates Morgan, โ€œbrutally confronting.โ€

โ€œMy heart burst. There were just so many of them.โ€

Private Calli Morgan

Over a two-day retrieval operation โ€“ 11 arrived on that first day โ€“ Morgan and her colleagues ferried the bodies to the morgue where, once identification was complete, they were placed, one by one, in a row of chrome coffins. Shutting the lids โ€œwas the hardest partโ€, she reveals. โ€œYou felt like you were shutting off their air. I know how stupid that sounds, but it was the most horrible thing to do. Thatโ€™s what comes back to me in a lot of my nightmares.โ€

Morgan was not a battle-hardened soldier โ€“ she had joined the army just a few months earlier. When she signed up, she had never lived away from her family, let alone seen a dead body. Morgan had just turned 21. โ€œIt was too much. It was just too much.โ€

In 2009, after 13 years of depression, paranoia, panic attacks, social isolation, flashbacks, failed relationships and nights where it was easier to stay awake than submit to the terror of sleep, Morgan was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), one of the most prevalent โ€“ and possibly the most under-reported โ€“ mental illnesses in Australia today.

While recent media focus has been on servicemen with PTSD, โ€œnobody is aware of us [women]โ€, says Morgan, who also spent six harrowing months in an active peacekeeping role in East Timor in the violent lead-up to independence from Indonesia. Despite establishing a Facebook support group for female veterans, โ€œthis is the first interview Iโ€™ve ever doneโ€.

According to a 2010 study by the Australian Defence Force (ADF), about 10 per cent of its serving female members โ€“ at that time 684 women โ€“ have PTSD, just a percentage point higher than the reported incidence among women in the wider community.

โ€œI donโ€™t believe that in a million years,โ€ argues Katie Tonacia OAM, co-founder of PTSD education and awareness group Picking Up The Peaces. She believes the number is much higher and blames a combination of stigma โ€“ even self imposed โ€“ and the fear of committing โ€œcareer suicideโ€ for the under-reporting of mental health issues in the military. โ€œI canโ€™t be seen to be weak, Iโ€™m not going to come forward, Iโ€™ll push through it no matter what โ€ฆ until they get to breaking point.โ€

Rear Admiral Robyn Walker, commander joint health and surgeon general for the ADF, admits PTSD is a problem, but is at pains to distance the Defence Force from it. โ€œItโ€™s not about being in the military, itโ€™s not about being on deployment,โ€ she tells marie claire.

โ€œIโ€™m not saying that in some cases it wonโ€™t be after one [traumatic event], but the evidence suggests [PTSD] is about lifetime exposure โ€ฆ car accidents, domestic violence, sexual assault โ€ฆ The data shows that many of our members have been exposed to those types of things before they joined the military.โ€

โ€œThat is misleading,โ€ retorts Brisbane psychiatrist Dr Andrew Khoo, who treats many current and former military personnel. โ€œIf you purely look at the diagnostic criteria for the disorder, you only need a one-off event. Iโ€™ve got innumerable patients whoโ€™ve just had a one-off, terrible trauma and theyโ€™ve got PTSD.โ€

Morgan is also puzzled by Rear Admiral Walkerโ€™s assertion. โ€œWhen I went into the military I was assessed by a psych for an hour,โ€ she comments, โ€œand I was perfectly sound to them. Thatโ€™s with full disclosure and answering all of their questions.โ€ Dr Khoo believes the ADFโ€™s biggest problem โ€œis identifying the illness and then basically engaging people in treatmentโ€. Like Tonacia, he blames magnified stigma in the military service, โ€œbecause itโ€™s a male-dominated, misogynistic, competitive atmosphere where strength is very much celebrated and weakness isnโ€™t toleratedโ€.

โ€œItโ€™s a male-dominated, misogynistic, competitive atmosphereโ€

Dr Andrew Khoo

When Morgan finished her work at the morgue that Friday night in 1996, she sat in her room and stared into the middle distance โ€œfor hoursโ€, ignoring repeated knocks on her door. In the weeks that followed, she and her colleagues underwent one group counselling session. They were fine, they all said. When Morgan reported for duty back in the transport yard, neither the Black Hawk accident, nor her role in the aftermath, were mentioned. โ€œNobody ever talked about it again,โ€ she says. โ€œItโ€™s just the way we are in the army.โ€

Suzanne Baker has a dazzling smile. It lit up her first Royal Australian Navy ID card as an 18-year-old recruit. Sheโ€™s still smiling, but at 33 thereโ€™s a brittleness to the grin and the infectious chuckle that follows it. โ€œI get into trouble [with therapists] for the giggle because thatโ€™s [me] compensating for feelings,โ€ reveals Baker, an aircraft systems controller who was medically discharged from the navy with a back injury nearly six years ago.

Baker can trace those feelings back to January 2000 and the horrors she witnessed during a seven-week deployment as a peacekeeper in East Timor. Months earlier, militia opposed to impending independence from Indonesia had embarked on a murderous spree, leaving behind mass graves, wholesale destruction of buildings and starving, orphaned children. Baker doesnโ€™t want to talk about what she saw, but it sowed the seeds of a mental illness that almost destroyed her life. Before she disembarked in the capital, Dili, the only woman among โ€œa couple of hundred army guysโ€, sheโ€™d only once been north of Brisbane. She was 19.

She was also bright and ambitious with an exciting career looming โ€“ the sort you see in the recruitment ads: sharp uniform, solid mates, a good education and a chance to see the world.

But a film charting Bakerโ€™s career wouldnโ€™t look like the ads. Set in locations like Christmas Island and the Persian Gulf, it would feature desperate, self-harming asylum seekers, a few sexist shipmates, some callous superiors, several bullies, then, just before the credits rolled, a compassionate officer and some solid-as-a-rock friends. And tears. Lots and lots of tears.

Looking back, Baker says PTSD first โ€œbit her on the bottomโ€ 18 months after East Timor. By then a specialist in radar and electronic warfare, she was rendered catatonic after catching a whiff of a clove cigarette while on patrol near Christmas Island. โ€œThe smoke. That smell. I was straight back in Dili,โ€ she says. A friend described Bakerโ€™s face flushing, then draining of colour, before she went into a kind of daze.

Later on that same border protection deployment, โ€œa few things from Timor started to tickle the back of my mindโ€, recalls Baker. She was also exhausted, homesick, shattered by the work she was doing, and enduring harassment from a male colleague.

Suddenly, sitting at her console, โ€œthe tears started rolling and didnโ€™t stopโ€. Eventually escorted to the sick bay, Baker says she sobbed for two days. The following year, having qualified as an aircraft controller, Baker was deployed to a frigate in the Persian Gulf, monitoring oil sanctions against Iraq.

โ€œThe tears started rolling and didnโ€™t stopโ€

Suzanne Baker, Former aircraft systems controller

Six days into her new job, a helicopter she was guiding onto a neighbouring vessel crashed on landing, burst into flames and rolled into the water. All onboard survived, and Baker was cleared of any responsibility, but her confidence was shattered.

Six weeks later, when another helicopter crashed โ€“ Baker was not on duty โ€“ shipboard life became a series of emotional meltdowns. When she was stood down with exhaustion, a common trigger for her tears, others would have to pick up the slack.

One day, as she was being comforted by a sympathetic male colleague, a woman on a neighbouring console suddenly began screaming: โ€œYou useless c**t! Quit freakinโ€™ crying!โ€ But Baker couldnโ€™t. She was as confused as her shipmates were angry. Rushing from the room, she headed downstairs towards her cabin. When her heel caught on a step, she made a split-second decision not to save herself and plunged headfirst to the next deck.

โ€œI thought that topping myself would be better than putting up with another day of that,โ€ she admits. Even before her suicide attempt, Baker had seen psychiatrists, but none, she found, could relate to what sheโ€™d seen and done during her service. One doctor, she recalls, โ€œkept asking about my ex-boyfriend. I didnโ€™t want to talk about this guy; I had nothing to say!โ€

Baker finally left the navy in 2008, sidelined by a back injury (unrelated to her fall). Working as aircrew for Surveillance Australia, she began having nightmares and flashbacks โ€œand panic attacks while I was flying; not really too safe for any of usโ€. She was diagnosed with PTSD in 2012 โ€“ 10 years after attempting suicide. 

Post-traumatic stress is a psychiatric disorder that is triggered by a specific traumatic event that a person has either experienced or been exposed to. It can also occur after prolonged exposure to traumatic situations. Symptoms include intrusive memories, nightmares, flashbacks, hypervigilance, emotional numbness, irritability, impatience, intolerance, poor anger control, insomnia and depression, plus physical anxiety symptoms like rapid heart rate. โ€œIt is,โ€ stresses Dr Khoo, โ€œa significant diagnosis.โ€

He says women in the general community develop PTSD at twice the rate of men. (Not so, apparently, in the ADF where, Rear Admiral Walker maintains, โ€œthere is no statistical differenceโ€ between genders.) Dr Khoo says no more than 25 per cent of people โ€œsuffering even the most horrific traumas will go on to develop PTSDโ€.

While factors such as genetics, temperament and childhood experiences play a role, what actually tips some into that 25 per cent is at the heart of reforms that many want the ADF to intensify. โ€œThings like, how prepared for the trauma were you prior to it happening?โ€ explains Dr Khoo. โ€œHow supported were you around the time the trauma actually occurred? How much education did you have about how to best access help or help yourself at the time?โ€

โ€œItโ€™s not rocket science,โ€ says Katie Tonacia of Picking Up The Peaces. She believes peer-to-peer education is essential, delivered by those whoโ€™ve been supported to stay in the job. โ€œAt each [rank], you need somebody talking about their experiences โ€ฆ when you first start not sleeping, before the drugs and alcohol, before everything starts to fall apart, when you first notice those very simple basic signs and symptoms, come forward then and not be in fear of losing your job.โ€

Rear Admiral Walker says while โ€œthe big issue is that people say theyโ€™re all right when theyโ€™re notโ€, since 2002, โ€œweโ€™ve certainly changed the way we address mental healthโ€. She cites increased resources and training, a boosted mental health workforce and two โ€œmental health daysโ€ in 2012โ€“13, โ€œa day put aside where command and medical people talk about mental health
and what it means. Itโ€™s where weโ€™ve had videos of people whoโ€™ve got mental health conditions who tell their own story and what has happened to them.โ€

Is PTSD curable? โ€œPTSD is a very treatable condition,โ€ says Dr Khoo, โ€œ[but] I donโ€™t know if you can ever completely eradicate a memory and a memory is what this is predicated upon.โ€

The memory that haunts Sarah Archibald, who spent seven months in Iraq in 2006 as a corporal in the Military Police, is that of a battle โ€“ not involving the enemy, but a scarring tussle between her training and human empathy. Positioned at a checkpoint securing both the Australian Embassy and a Baghdad hospital, her role was to pat down visitors seeking to enter either.

One morning, a little girl arrived on a stretcher with horrifying injuries from a bomb and was rushed to the hospital. As Archibald searched her mother โ€“ there were no exceptions โ€“ word came through that the child had died. It was left to Archibald to break the news. โ€œAs she was hugging me and crying, I remember thinking, โ€˜Iโ€™ve got a job to do,โ€™โ€ says Archibald, now a mother of two girls. โ€œAll I wanted to do was hug this poor woman and Iโ€™ve got a weapon on my leg, and I was conscious of that as well. I just felt like I didnโ€™t give her enough empathy.

โ€œI particularly remember [the childโ€™s] father looking at me with such anger. I still see his face today โ€ฆ If we werenโ€™t there, this wouldnโ€™t have happened. Thatโ€™s what I think about.โ€ At the time, the incident blended in with all the other trauma Archibald experienced, like diving under tables in the mess for fear of incoming rockets.

โ€œI remember [the childโ€™s] father looking at me with anger. I still see his face today โ€ฆโ€

Sarah Archibald, PTSD sufferer

It wasnโ€™t until she got home that the damage to her psyche became clear. Depressed, isolated and confused, she arranged to see a psychiatrist. The wait was six weeks. But Archibald didnโ€™t have six weeks. She was spiralling into a deep depression. Before the appointment rolled around, she drove her car into a pole. Deliberately. Later, in hospital, Archibald was diagnosed with depression and โ€œadjustment disorderโ€.

โ€œI find that with males, particularly, [mental health specialists ask], โ€˜Youโ€™ve been overseas? Connect the dots: PTSD,โ€™โ€ says Archibald. โ€œThis is stereotyping, but a lot of guys choose alcohol or drugs โ€ฆ substance abuse is where they will head. Tick the box for PTSD.

โ€œMy battle was with eating disordersโ€ฆ Thatโ€™s something I chose to cope and it wasnโ€™t recognised that [PTSD] could be a contributing factor.โ€ Archibald was diagnosed in 2009, when she revealed recurring dreams she was having about her own daughter.

Having been in treatment programs, Morgan, Baker and Archibald are now focusing on helping others. โ€œWe live in such a negative head and we have all these horrible memories, so we have to create our own happiness,โ€ remarks Morgan, who now works as a disability support worker and has founded Women Veteranโ€™s Association Australia to support women in the military.

โ€œI know it sounds all very over-the rainbow, [but] you get to the point where you cannot bear the sadness so you just have to do something about it.โ€ Baker has completed a tourism diploma and plans to open a holistic guided tour business aimed at the veteran community. And Archibald volunteers with Soldier On, a support group for physically and psychologically wounded military personnel.

Unlike Morgan and Baker, however, one thing Archibald doesnโ€™t do is don her medals and proudly march on Anzac Day. โ€œI donโ€™t really feel comfortable,โ€ she admits, then pauses.

โ€œSometimes โ€ฆ I feel like I donโ€™t deserve to be there.โ€

If you or someone you know is suffering from PTSD, contact Lifeline Crisis support and suicide prevention services, 13 11 14, www.lifeline.org.au.

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Home Page 248

Cabinet Vs Community

What if our government was truly representative? Letโ€™s face it โ€“ our new federal cabinet bears little resemblance to Australiaโ€™s actual population. We report on why diversity matters โ€“ and why we deserve more

Itโ€™s almost embarrassing to have to explain why diversity matters in 2013. Or why so many of us were alarmed to find that our federal cabinet is filled with men who are all the same. Or disappointed that our wonderfully diverse culture is represented by a clutch of white, middle-aged, middle-class men. Must we spell it out?

When Prime Minister Tony Abbott unveiled his new cabinet in September, it was hard to know what to be insulted by most. Was it the fact it contains more old boys from Sydneyโ€™s Riverview school than women? Or that there are more females in the Afghanistan cabinet?

In a tweet, journalist George Megalogenis spelt it out most clearly: Australian women form 80 per cent of Tony Abbottโ€™s household, hold 53.3 per cent of all professional jobs, are 35.1 per cent of all managers, but make up only 5.3 per cent of federal cabinet. The hashtag? #boysclub.

And yet, while the lack of women was made glaringly obvious by the fact weโ€™d just had our first female prime minister, the lack of diversity went broader: no mothers, no Aboriginal cabinet members, none who identify as having Asian ancestry. Nor were there any gay or lesbian representatives at the table. One in 10 of our population has Asian ancestry and roughly the same identify as LGBTI (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex).

The claim that a cabinet can be comprised of white men aged around 50 simply because of โ€œmeritโ€ is nonsense. Do we really believe all the cleverest people in the land just happen to look the same and have penises? It would be a remarkable coincidence.

Julie McKay, executive director of the Australian National Committee for UN Women, remarks: โ€œMerit by its very nature is subjective. It is a combination of experience and a subjective judgement of potential. If we accept that, we accept that relying on merit to overcome systemic gender inequality is fundamentally flawed.โ€

โ€œMerit by its very nature is subjective.โ€

Julie McKay, Australian National Committee for UN Women

The problem is that political parties mouth commitment to diversity, but donโ€™t do enough to encourage it. They arenโ€™t doing enough to identify, mentor and fast track a broader range of candidates into safe seats, or any seats.

And diversity matters. The research shows itโ€™s not just fair, itโ€™s smart. Studies in Europe, China, the UK and the US have shown that companies with more female board directors perform better financially, are more profitable and less volatile.

Federal sex discrimination commissioner Elizabeth Broderick argues that diversity is important โ€œbecause when you bring together a group of people who have different life experiences, a group of people who think differently, you get a better, more robust outcomeโ€. Without it, you get โ€œgroupthinkโ€.

โ€œTo encourage diversity you need to draw from a wide pool and see difference as a strength rather than a weakness,โ€ observes Broderick. โ€œOn occasion, to increase diversity will require a systemic intervention such as the setting of a target. This is now well recognised in the business arena.โ€

Nareen Young, CEO of Diversity Council Australia, agrees: โ€œEvery piece of academic, business and community research says diverse groups make better decisions. At the moment, weโ€™re still talking largely just about gender diversity, and our cabinet far from reaches any community standard as to what that looks like.โ€ Today, the cabinet looks, she asserts, โ€œjust plain weirdโ€.

Diversity requires work. It also requires commitment, and itโ€™s up to us to tell our parliamentarians and political parties that it matters, and that in 2013, anything less just isnโ€™t good enough.

Julia Baird is an author, columnist and presenter of The Drum on ABC News 24.

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โ€œMommy, I Just Want You To Know That I Love You With All My Heartโ€

Lisa Harnum was more than 15,000km from home when she was murdered by her controlling fiancรฉ. Her heartbroken mum speaks exclusively to marie claire in the hope that other families will never experience her pain.

Just before dawn on Saturday July 30, 2011, Lisa Cecilia Harnum padded quietly, but quickly, into the beige marble bathroom of her luxury Sydney apartment, picked up the house phone on the wall and called her mother, Joan, more than 15,000km away in Toronto, Canada.

โ€œMommy, I just want you to know that I love you and Jason with all my heart,โ€ the young woman whispered urgently.

โ€œWhatโ€™s wrong?โ€ asked Joan.

The once vibrant young hairdresser, in a state of controlled panic, said she was preparing to leave her fiancรฉ of six weeks, Simon Gittany, an emotionally abusive control freak who was lurking on the other side of the door.

โ€œMommy,โ€ she whispered frantically. โ€œIf anything happens to me, please contact Michelle.โ€ Lisa insisted her mother note down the details for Michelle Richmond, the life coach in whom she had been confiding for the previous three weeks, and repeatedly read them back to her. โ€œWhat the hell is going on?โ€ persisted Joan.

โ€œMommy, itโ€™s OK,โ€ continued Lisa, trying in vain to play down her terror. โ€œIโ€™ll call and talk to you โ€ฆ as soon as I can. However I can.โ€

It was the last time Joan Harnum spoke to her only daughter. A little over four hours later, after apparently rendering her unconscious, Simon Gittany picked up his fiancรฉe and dropped her from the balcony of the apartment they shared on the 15th floor of Sydneyโ€™s fashionable apartment block The Hyde.

The young Canadian beauty didnโ€™t utter a sound as she plummeted from the building, but the world heard a deafening scream. โ€œIt says, โ€˜Stop the violence against women!โ€™โ€ explains Joan Harnum, sitting in the living room of her home in southern Ontario. โ€œStop!โ€

On November 27 last year, after a gripping month-long trial, Supreme Court judge Lucy McCallum found Simon Gittany, 40, guilty of the โ€œshocking and tragicโ€ murder of the woman heโ€™d pledged to spend his life with just weeks earlier. โ€œShe was nearly there,โ€ says Tracy Howe, CEO of Domestic Violence New South Wales, of Lisaโ€™s escape attempt. โ€œThat guy is in jail because of her planning and exposing of his behaviour. She is a heroine to me. I think she is amazing.โ€

โ€œThat guy is in jail because of her planningโ€ฆ I think she is amazing.โ€

Tracy Howe, Domestic Violence New South Wales, CEO

Before she even knew that Gittany was monitoring her emails and text messages in the weeks before her death, Lisa had decided to confide in the only two women in Sydney that her controlling fiancรฉ allowed her access to outside of his family: her new personal trainer, Lisa Brown, and Michelle Richmond. She told them that Gittany had cut her off from her friends, dictated what she wore, where she went and to whom she spoke. And tucked into the pocket of the jeans she was wearing on the morning of her murder was a crumpled note that had been torn into little pieces. When police put it together, they found a chilling message: โ€œThere are surveillance cameras inside and outside the house.โ€

Gittanyโ€™s claim that his unhinged girlfriend had committed suicide was about to unravel. โ€œShe set out crumbs Hansel and Gretel-style that [led] right back to him,โ€ says Howe. โ€œHe hadnโ€™t banked on her being smarter than him.โ€

Joan sits on the edge of a sofa in the living room of the modest home she shares with her son, Jason, 39. As she talks about her daughter โ€“ Lisa preferred to use her middle name, Cecilia, in Australia โ€“ Joanโ€™s chest and shoulders curve inwards, like sheโ€™s making a constant effort not to collapse into her own body. In snapshots taken together years earlier, Joanโ€™s face isnโ€™t only fuller, but also full of light and energy. On this chilly winterโ€™s night in Ontario, itโ€™s as if Lisaโ€™s murder has not only eroded Joanโ€™s family, but her body itself.

โ€œI remember just seeing a head of hair; she had so much hair,โ€ says Joan of Lisaโ€™s birth on June 12, 1981. โ€œShe was adorable; so sweet.โ€ Jason chose his sisterโ€™s first name; her second name was a nod to her tall, slender great-grandmother. Lisa was โ€œa very smart kidโ€, says Joan, happy to colour in the one-dimensional picture the world has of her daughter, and โ€œvery mature for her ageโ€.

As a little girl, Lisa would play football and practise karate moves with her adored older brother, but music was Lisaโ€™s passion. From the ages of three to 16, she studied tap, jazz and ballet, competing in dance contests throughout Canada and the US. At some point in her teens, around the same time she began turning heads in the street, Lisa became intensely conscious of body image. โ€œShe wasnโ€™t eating,โ€ says Joan, who finally had her underweight daughter admitted to hospital, where she was diagnosed with an eating disorder. It was a condition she struggled with, on and off, for the rest of her life. โ€œShe had this immense ability to keep pushing and trying,โ€ adds Joan. โ€œIf one thing didnโ€™t work, sheโ€™d just try another. She fought it all the time.โ€

One of Lisaโ€™s first jobs was in the fragrance department of Toronto department store The Bay, where she befriended co-worker Jenny Romano. Instantly close, the pair became โ€œpartners in crimeโ€ on Torontoโ€™s club scene, jokes Romano, often dancing until eight in the morning. โ€œLisa never drank, ever, and was not into drugs,โ€ says Romano. โ€œShe just loved [dancing]; it was her thing.โ€

Often in the early hours after a night of clubbing, Lisa and her friends would sit around the kitchen table telling Joan about their evening while Joan made tea and prepared a meal. โ€œLisa used to say, โ€˜Mom, I tell you everything. My girlfriends donโ€™t tell their mothers anything.โ€™ It was true. We were very, very close.โ€

Romano says her โ€œsuper funโ€ friend was attracted to older men โ€œthat could take care of her โ€ฆ I think that was because she saw how much [Joan] struggled being a single mom.โ€ Joan has a simpler explanation. Lisa, she says, โ€œwas always mature for her age.

At the end of 2004, Lisa quit her job at The Bay and decided to move to Australia, initially on a 12-month working visa. โ€œI think she got kind of stuck,โ€ says Joan. โ€œShe wanted to travel, she wanted a different job. She kept meeting people from Australia [at The Bay]. And she loved the heat.โ€

When Lisa arrived in Melbourne on January 1, 2005, Joan was with her. โ€œI just wanted to see what it was like, where she was going to be,โ€ admits Joan. โ€œI couldnโ€™t just let her go down there and figure it all out. I wanted to make sure she was OK.โ€

That May, Lisa started work at a Sydney cosmetics company and soon began a relationship with a colleague some 20 years her senior. โ€œThey got along really well,โ€ says Joan. The pair spent 2006 travelling the world, from exotic resorts in Bali to the famous masquerade ball in Venice. Eventually, they became engaged. โ€œI thought he was really nice,โ€ says Joan, and โ€œvery respectfulโ€ of Lisa. โ€œHe asked us when he wanted to [propose].โ€ While Lisa happily accepted, the age difference became a factor and the relationship ended.

By the end of 2009, while studying and working at Australian Hair & Beauty in Sydneyโ€™s Bondi Junction, Lisa had a new boyfriend. โ€œHe was the type of guy you could easily fall for,โ€ says Joan. โ€œHe was very charming; made her laugh.โ€ He was also married. When Joan was in Australia for Christmas, โ€œwe talked about itโ€, she says. โ€œI said, โ€˜Do you really want to do this? Itโ€™s not a good idea.โ€™โ€

As soon as Joan went home to Canada, Lisa broke up with the man. But before they split, he gave Lisa the worst possible parting gift. He introduced her to Simon Gittany.

โ€œAt first [Lisa] thought he was gay,โ€ says Joan, with a wicked smile. โ€œI would have loved to have said that in court.โ€

In early 2010, unhappy where she was living, Lisa accepted Gittanyโ€™s offer of a room in his rented apartment โ€œuntil she found somethingโ€, says Joan. About two months later, the arrangement took a romantic turn. โ€œI have no doubt that [Gittany] and Lisa Harnum loved each other and that their relationship was at times very happy,โ€ said Justice Lucy McCallum in her four-and-a-half hour judgement. While Joan says Lisa never told her she was โ€œin loveโ€ with Gittany, she concedes that โ€œat first they got along greatโ€. Then, shortly before Lisaโ€™s 29th birthday that June, Gittany urged Lisa to quit her job at the hairdressing salon. He said she should be looking for โ€œa better class of peopleโ€.

Sabotaging a partner so she canโ€™t work is a common tactic of controlling men, says domestic violence expert Tracy Howe. โ€œThey will do it in a variety of ways โ€“ phone you all the time, make you stay home because he feels sick and youโ€™ve got to look after him, make it hard for you to get to work. As soon as they get you out of the workplace, then they go to town and thatโ€™s what happened with Lisa.โ€

Indeed, Gittany was just getting started. By September that year, having signed a lease on the apartment at The Hyde, he had begun cutting Lisa off from her friends. At one point, he hacked into her email account and deleted any emails from men. Friends mysteriously vanished from her Facebook account. The couple had stopped going to clubs because he didnโ€™t like the attention Lisa got from men. โ€œI miss my family and friends so much,โ€ Lisa wrote in a text to Joan on October 2, 2010. โ€œI have no life.โ€

โ€œI miss my family and friends so muchโ€ฆI have no life.โ€

Lisa Harnum, in a text to her mother on October 2, 2010.

While other texts suggest a far happier story, slowly, but surely, Gittany was isolating his partner.

A torrent of midwinter rain was crashing onto the roof of Michelle Richmondโ€™s home on Sydneyโ€™s north shore when the life coach opened the door to greet her new client, Lisa Harnum, in June 2011. Standing on the deck was an โ€œexotically beautifulโ€ woman and an impeccably groomed man. But only one of them was happy. โ€œWeโ€™ve been [waiting] here five minutes!โ€ snapped Gittany. Richmond explained that she hadnโ€™t heard the bell, apologised and led Lisa into her rooms. Gittany, who believed Richmond was treating Lisa for injuries suffered while doing ballet, left.

Lisa had been referred to the therapist by her personal trainer, Lisa Brown, who sensed that all was not right with the young Canadian. (Gittany had stopped Lisa from working out in a public gym because of the male attention.) Lisa โ€œglowedโ€, says Richmond of her new client. โ€œShe was very warm and very loving. You wanted to wrap her up.โ€

Importantly, it seems, Lisa felt safe. Almost immediately, she began to open up about her life. By now some 18 months into her relationship with Gittany, it seemed the more she talked, the more the once social and vivacious young woman realised sheโ€™d been lured into a new normal. Gittany now dictated where she went, whom she talked to, what she wore โ€“ monochromatic pants and jackets, flat shoes, no cleavage, hair tied back โ€“ how she worshipped (Lisa had not only converted to Catholicism, Gittanyโ€™s faith, but wholeheartedly embraced it) and whom she worked for.

When Gittany proposed on her 30th birthday three weeks earlier, claiming that heโ€™d found someone to โ€œserveโ€ him, the room was full of his friends and family, but not one of hers. โ€œYet, she was still making excuses for him,โ€ says Richmond. โ€œShe was still struggling within herself. She wanted the fairytale.โ€

On the other side of the world, Lisaโ€™s family was growing increasingly concerned. Lisaโ€™s texts home were a tale of two relationshipsโ€“ one loving (โ€œMom, I think Iโ€™ve met my match; I think I love this guyโ€), the other abusive and suffocating. She was leaving Gittany and going home to Canada. And then she wasnโ€™t.

Joan was conflicted. โ€œI know every parent goes through this: when do I step in and say, โ€˜I know youโ€™re not a little person anymore, but I think you need helpโ€™? I always said to her, โ€˜If anything happens, just grab your bag and get the hell out. And then call me right away.โ€™โ€

Joan, says Tracy Howe, โ€œresponded in the best ways she could. She was open, frank โ€“ a non-judgemental rock for her daughter. She was a very good mother.โ€

Gittanyโ€™s mantra during the coupleโ€™s regular explosive arguments was that he had the power to have Lisaโ€™s visa cancelled and have her deported, shattering her dream of making a life in Australia. A final straw for Lisa appears to have been the timing of their marriage. Lisa was excited and wanted to start planning. Joan says Gittany responded: โ€œIโ€™ll let you know when weโ€™re going to start planning it. Until then, shut up.โ€ Finally, for Lisa, the penny was starting to drop.

Richmond told Lisa what support services were available and what her legal rights were should she choose to leave and, given Gittanyโ€™s obvious domination, the safest way to do it. With the help of personal trainer Brown, Lisa secretly began removing some of her things from the apartment. And she asked her mother to come and take her home. โ€œI need you down here,โ€ Lisa told her mother a few days before she died. โ€œHow bad is it?โ€ asked Joan. โ€œDo you need me right now? Because Iโ€™ll come right now.โ€ When Joan explained that she needed to clear the time off with her employer, Lisa was reassuring. โ€œItโ€™s OK; I can handle it.โ€

โ€œDo you need me right now? Because Iโ€™ll come right now.โ€

Joan Harnum, mother

Through her window at The Hyde, Lisa could see a little skating rink, but Gittany wouldnโ€™t allow her to visit it. โ€œShe said, โ€˜Mom, when you come down, can we go skating?โ€ Lisa said she would book her mother a ticket for the following week.

On the morning of July 30, 2011, after discovering that Gittany had been monitoring all activity on her phone โ€“ every call, every text message, every planned airline booking โ€“ via a software program heโ€™d installed on his computer, Lisa knew she couldnโ€™t wait for Joan to arrive; she had to grab her bag and flee. Having confronted her partner about his monstrous breach of trust, the clock started ticking on what would be an unimaginable act of brutality.

Of all the photos of Lisa Harnum and Simon Gittany, itโ€™s the final one that reveals the true nature of their relationship. Itโ€™s a grainy image captured by a pinhole camera near the door of their apartment. Gittany, with his arm around his terrified fiancรฉeโ€™s neck and a hand over her mouth, is seen dragging her out of the corridor, back inside the apartment. What happened next wasnโ€™t captured by Gittanyโ€™s living room surveillance cameras or recorded on the hard drive he had hidden in the ceiling, but 69 seconds later, Lisa Harnum was dropped silently to her death. Her handbag went with her.

In Canada, Joan was frantic. Sheโ€™d been trying to reach Lisa since her last phone call. โ€œI just kept calling and calling and texting and texting. โ€˜Simon are you there? Just let me talk to my daughter.โ€™โ€

Joanโ€™s phone did ring at 2am. โ€œI thought it was her,โ€ says Joan, โ€œbut it wasnโ€™t.โ€ It was the Toronto police. Joan buzzed them into the building and met them in the hallway outside her unit. โ€œHe killed her!โ€ Joan cried, before they could break the news. โ€œHe killed her!โ€

Today, as Gittany spends his first Christmas behind bars, Joan is determined to spare others the pain sheโ€™s been through. โ€œPay attention,โ€™โ€™ she advises. โ€œIf you see changes โ€“ like theyโ€™re dressing differently or losing contact with their friends โ€“ youโ€™ve got to start asking the right questions. And if you really think itโ€™s that bad. Step in. Thatโ€™s the message weโ€™re trying to get out there. Itโ€™s never too late to interfere.โ€™โ€™

Outside, the street is electric with Christmas lights, but Joanโ€™s home is conspicuous for its lack of cheer. Her only outward nod to the festive season is nestled in the picture window of the living room. It is an angel, about 20cm high, with long brown hair and a gleaming dark-caramel dress. โ€œShe loved Christmas,โ€ says Joan, her eyes full of tears. โ€œWe have to carry on. Itโ€™s hard.โ€

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Just How Safe Is The Pill, Yaz?

Anxiety, depression, blood clots....marie claire investigates the concerning side effects of the contraceptive pill Yasmin

Carissa Ubersox didnโ€™t think it was very classy to meet the love of her life in a student bar, but thatโ€™s where it happened โ€“ a damp, barely lit tavern in Madison, Wisconsin, where a jukebox played and drinks were poured into plastic cups.

Meeting the broad-shouldered and dark-haired Tyson was, Carissa believed, the beginning of the rest of her life. And so it seemed. Overnight, Carissa, then 20, and Tyson became a popular couple around Madison, both of them attractive and full of enthusiasm: theyโ€™d throw fancy dress parties for their friends or hit Hawaii for mini breaks. Life got even better when Carissa graduated from university and landed her dream job as a paediatric nurse at the local hospital. A tireless supporter of her hopes and ambitions, Tyson held her in his arms and told her he was proud of her.

โ€œI wanted to marry him so badly,โ€ remembers Carissa. โ€œIโ€™d always hoped to get engaged on Christmas Day.โ€ It seemed Tyson was a man who could take a hint.

On December 25, 2007, he fought his way through the melting snow to the hospital where Carissa was working the holiday shift. He produced roses, a sparkling diamond ring, a bended knee and a proposal to be with him for the rest of their lives. She said yes in a heartbeat. But a heartbeat of a different sort would be all it would take for Carissaโ€™s life to come crashing down around her.

Watching television over breakfast one morning soon after the engagement, Carissa spotted a commercial spruiking a contraceptive pill called Yasmin. It promised to halt symptoms of PMS like mood changes and, as a bonus, give her a clear, smooth complexion. Excited to look and feel her best for her upcoming wedding, Carissa jumped at it.

โ€œIt sounded wonderful,โ€ she recalls thinking.

Although the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) would later rule the commercials were misleading (and order Bayer, the manufacturer of Yaz and Yasmin, to pay $20 million to correct them), it would be too late for Carissa. Just a few weeks after starting Yaz, she would be fighting for her life.

What is Yaz?

Yaz is a bestselling new-generation oral contraceptive taken by millions of American women. Bayer launched an earlier version called Yasmin in 2001 (Yasmin is a โ€œsisterโ€ contraceptive with the same ingredients as Yaz, notably drospirenone or ethinyl estradiol, a synthetic hormone, but with a slightly higher dose of oestradiol, a form of oestrogen).

Yaz followed in 2006 and, since then, sales for the two birth control pills have skyrocketed past $8 billion worldwide. Commercials like the one Carissa watched โ€“ prescription pharmaceuticals can be advertised in the US โ€“ help drive Yazโ€™s popularity. But what the ads didnโ€™t tell Carissa, or the 200,000 Australian women who take Yaz and Yasmin, is that the so-called โ€œmiracleโ€ contraceptive is a potential time bomb.

Yasmin side effects

All drugs have side effects, but, according to some experts, Yaz is in a class of its own. Figures vary, but a 2011 FDA study of more than 835,000 women found that the risk of blood clots with this type of drug is up to three times that of other contraceptives. A 2011 Danish study of 1.3 million women, conducted over nine years and published in the British Medical Journal, found that a womanโ€™s risk of blood clots is a staggering six times higher when taking either Yaz or Yasmin.

Blood clots can kill in one of three ways: they shoot straight to the heart and cause a heart attack; travel through the arteries to the brain and trigger a stroke; or travel to the lungs and stop you breathing. They can also discharge into the artery behind the eyes and cause blindness.

At press time, more than 13,500 lawsuits had been served or were pending against Bayer in the US. So far, only Americans are able to sue, despite Yaz and Yasmin being available in Australia and around the world. A corporate affairs manager with Bayer Australia told marie claire he didnโ€™t anticipate lawsuits here: โ€œAustralians are so culturally different from Americans.โ€

In the US, Bayer has already settled about 3500 cases, paying out $720 million to those affected by blood clots, and on the basis of inadequate warnings. They have put aside a further $250 million for future claims.

For Carissa, a young woman blissfully poised on the brink of marriage, the alarm bells didnโ€™t sound soon enough.

โ€œI was going about my business, getting ready for work, so everything seemed normal,โ€ she recalls of that day in February 2008. โ€œMy legs felt achy, but I disregarded it because as a nurse I often had to be on my feet for 12 hours at a time. I remember telling one of the doctors at work, โ€˜Oh, my calves hurt,โ€™ and he was like, โ€˜Stop being a hypochondriac. Youโ€™re 24 years old, youโ€™re healthy, thereโ€™s nothing that could possibly cause that.โ€™ Iโ€™m thin, Iโ€™m athletic, I look nothing like the overweight smoker who a doctor might think was a potential candidate for a blood clot.โ€

It was while she was taking a shower that multiple clots dislodged from her legs, travelled to Carissaโ€™s lungs and caused a massive double pulmonary embolism.

โ€œI wasnโ€™t able to breathe,โ€ recounts Carissa with a quavering voice. Tyson was with her and called an ambulance. โ€œBut on the way down in the elevator, my heart stopped.โ€

โ€œI wasnโ€™t able to breatheโ€ฆ on the way down in the elevator, my heart stopped.โ€

Carissa Ubersox

Carissa was clinically dead for four minutes before paramedics revived her. She then fell into a coma for 14 days. As soon as she awoke, she knew something was drastically wrong. She could hear her motherโ€™s voice breaking with tears and the doctor instructing her to wriggle her toes, but she couldnโ€™t see anything. The once healthy, happy woman had woken up blind.

The blood clot attacked Carissaโ€™s eyes so savagely that she remains almost completely blind to this day, without hope of recovery. โ€œI donโ€™t want another 20-something woman to have to learn how to tie their shoelaces, or talk, or learn how to wash clothes,โ€ she reasons. โ€œItโ€™s horribly difficult, an unimaginable thing to have to do.โ€

Carissa not only lost her sight, but also her job โ€“ and her beloved Tyson.

โ€œI just kept looking at him and thinking, โ€˜He canโ€™t take the ring back without looking heartless.โ€™ I had to break it off. I told him, โ€˜Weโ€™ll see.โ€™ Then, when I came back from blind school, he was dating a doctor.โ€

Professor Kerryn Phelps, former federal president of the Australian Medical Association, GP and popular TV host, knows too well the risks of Yaz. In 2003, she went through her own personal nightmare with it.

โ€œI hate this drug,โ€ she tells marie claire.

Like millions lured by Yazโ€™s claims, she took the drug to regulate her periods. It took just three weeks to strike her down.

April 6, 2003, started like any other morning for Professor Phelps. Sheโ€™d worked in her clinic, delivered a lecture, and was about to dash to the airport to take a meeting in Canberra with then Prime Minister John Howard. But by then she was having difficulty walking and couldnโ€™t catch her breath. โ€œI knew something was seriously wrong,โ€ she describes in her book, Ultimate Wellness.

โ€œI knew something was seriously wrongโ€

Professor Kerryn Phelps, author, Ultimate Wellness.

A blood clot in her leg dislodged and travelled straight to her lungs, causing a pulmonary embolism. For 25 hours Professor Phelps battled for her life in intensive care. She was one of the lucky ones: โ€œEven making it to hospital, I had just over 10 per cent chance of surviving, less of surviving without disability.โ€

A spokesperson for Bayer Australia told marie claire that Yaz or Yasmin did not pose any greater risk of blood clots than other oral contraceptives, and the risk was less than that of pregnancy. Bayer maintains post-marketing monitoring has found the โ€œadverse event profileโ€ to be consistent with other combined oral contraceptive pills โ€“ in other words, no worse. Two large studies on blood clot risks, funded by Bayer in the US, reported no increased danger.

Within the company, however, it seems to have been a different story. In a 2004 internal Bayer document, uncovered by David Kessler, a former FDA commissioner and an expert witness in litigation against the company, Bayer employees had written that โ€œYasmin has a several-fold increase in the reporting rates for deep vein thrombosis [blood clots], pulmonary embolism and venous thrombosis. The reporting rate for Yasmin was 10 times higher than that with the other products, which were very similar in magnitude.โ€

In a letter to the FDA, Kessler accused Bayer of selectively presenting data about blood clotting to the authority. โ€œBayer,โ€ he stated, โ€œneedlessly exposed large numbers of women to risks of serious or fatal thromboembolic events.โ€ (Bayer Australia said it was unable to comment on these claims due to the current legal proceedings.)

On December 8, 2011, the FDA ordered a safety review of Yaz and Yasmin. Concerned observers anticipated that the FDA would pull the two drugs off the shelves, but, to the surprise of many, the panel of medical experts voted 15โ€“11 that the benefits outweighed the risks. Sales would continue.

The decision was controversial. A not-for-profit organisation called the Project On Government Oversight found that each of the four deciding votes came from panel members who had either worked for Bayer in the past or received research funding from the company. And while the experts had apparently declared these interests to the FDA, the FDA had not made public the commercial ties.

The panel did, however, recommend Bayer change its warning labels to reflect the concerns over blood clots. Itโ€™s a move Australiaโ€™s Therapeutic Goods Administration(TGA) agrees is vital, although it has no plans to restrict sale of the drugs in Australia. A spokesperson says all contraceptives carry risk of thromboembolism and that all products here provide warnings.

A disturbing side effect

Most women marie claire spoke to who took Yaz or Yasmin were unaware of the dangers. Nor did they know that one of the other most common side effects โ€“ not featured in Yaz commercials โ€“ is depression.

In an ongoing study, Professor Jayashri Kulkarni, director of the Monash Alfred Psychiatry Research Centre at Victoriaโ€™s Monash University, has found that it is the specific combination of drospirenone and low-dose oestrogen that places women at risk of depression. It can strike at any time.

โ€œThe onset of depression can happen within a day of taking it or within a year of taking it,โ€ she points out.

Itโ€™s easy to be complacent about a contraceptive pill. Most women feel that taking it is like having a morning cup of coffee. โ€œYou just donโ€™t think about it,โ€ says Eva Fritz, a 39 year-old from Queensland who took Yaz. โ€œLike most women, I was attracted to it because of the vanity aspect: good skin and [the promise of] no PMS!โ€

As a psychologist, Eva was staggered to find herself plunged into a depression by day three of taking Yaz, without any external factors that could have influenced her mood.

โ€œI began yelling at my children. I was so freaked out by the intensity of it,โ€ she reveals. It was so crippling, she was often unable to get out of bed for hours on end. By day eight she realised that what she was experiencing wasnโ€™t just a โ€œbad moodโ€.

She suspected Yaz was the culprit. Two days after she stopped taking it, Evaโ€™s anger and tears vanished. โ€œI feel lucky to have escaped so quickly, but what about all those women who have been on Yaz for years?โ€

โ€œI feel lucky to have escaped so quickly, but what about all those women who have been on Yaz for years?โ€

Eva Fritz

Professor Kulkarni says that women often tend to blame themselves for feeling depressed and forget to consider the effect of the daily hormone they are taking.

A post-marketing study last November by eHealthMe (which analysed data from the FDA and women who take the pills) found that, of the users who reported adverse events regarding Yasmin, 42 per cent reported experiencing severe anxiety and emotional distress, and of those users who reported adverse events regarding YAZ, 60 per cent reported suffering anxiety and/or emotional distress.

Helena Mathis, a 32-year-old Swedish woman who lives in Philadelphia in the US, began taking Yasmin while at university and almost immediately developed anxiety. โ€œThe heart palpitations would wake me up in the middle of the night. I was unable to sleep and even afraid of falling asleep in case I wouldnโ€™t wake up,โ€ she recalls.

Mathisโ€™s anxiety eventually developed into depression; she found herself bursting into tears for no apparent reason. โ€œThere I was with an open, exciting future ahead of me, yet I felt like I was dying.โ€

It took seven years and visits to three separate doctors (none of whom made the connection with Yasmin) before Mathis Googled โ€œYasmin side effectsโ€.

โ€œI found story after story about Yasmin where my own experience was told over and over again,โ€ she says. โ€œI cried for days. I felt robbed of my life and youth. I felt like a human guinea pig, but most of all I felt that I had been lied to all of these years.โ€

The withdrawal effects of Yasmin

One of the more disturbing threads in the growing number of online forums is the depressive effects experienced after stopping Yaz or Yasmin. Michelle Green, a cheerful 41-year-old IT manager from Brisbane, took Yaz for a year until her migraines became so debilitating that her doctor ordered her to stop (migraines are a possible side effect of Yaz).

Soon afterwards, Michelle unaccountably developed bouts of depression and paranoia. She remembers curling up in bed, hysterical and adamant that she couldnโ€™t leave the safety of her doona because of a sense of something sinister that she couldnโ€™t quite place.

โ€œI felt like I was going crazy, like I needed to be locked away โ€ฆ I couldnโ€™t stop thinking that if I were dead I wouldnโ€™t have to feel the way I did,โ€ she remembers.

The only thing that stopped her killing herself was the fate of her two children. Seeing a therapist who drew the connection with Yaz was Michelleโ€™s light at the end of the tunnel. She says that now, six months after stopping the pill, she still gets migraines, but her depression has finally lifted. (The TGA told marie claire itโ€™s aware of the link between depression and Yaz/Yasmin and that it is now in talks with Bayer about a possible need for further warnings on Australian packaging.) Meanwhile, former Yaz users are sounding warnings.

Professor Phelpsโ€™s near-death experience made her rethink conventional medicines like Yaz and she now prefers a holistic approach to health care. Eva Fritz took a job as a high-school guidance counsellor and managed to identify Yaz-induced depression in one of her students. Helena Mathisโ€™s experience prompted her to start an online forum, Yasmin and Yaz survivors.

What about those already affected by Yasmin?

For women already affected, itโ€™s a matter of picking up the pieces and moving on. Carissa Ubersox has had to learn how to talk again, her legs and arms still shoot out involuntarily, and itโ€™s unlikely sheโ€™ll ever see again.

โ€œPeople can be cruel,โ€ she sighs. โ€œI remember one day at blind school, I was walking to a bus stop and some guys shouted, โ€˜Oh, check her out, sheโ€™s so beautiful. Too bad sheโ€™s got that cane.โ€™โ€

She, too, is now intent on warning other women. โ€œI would beg of them, for their own safety and the life that they know, to speak to their physician and get on something different. If one good thing can come out of this thing happening to me, it would be that no other woman in the world would have to wake up and have their entire life change.โ€

Ever the fighter, Carissa plans to work with children again, write a book, and is in a new relationship. Sheโ€™s also taking Bayer to court.

โ€œIf I could talk to the CEO of Bayer I would say, โ€˜Imagine me as your granddaughter. Would you want your granddaughter on something like this? Knowing that it could do to her what itโ€™s done to me?โ€™โ€

Bayer continues to target Australia. Profits from Yaz โ€œdoubled expectationsโ€, according to Bayer and, last September, Australia was the first country to sell Yaz Flex โ€“ a new version of Yaz that allows women to go months without a period โ€“ same pill, same risks, but now available in a digital dispenser.

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The Busyness Epidemic: Why Are We So Overwhelmed?

Endless to-do list? Always stressed? You may have fallen victim to the latest time trap. We investigate the modern busyness epidemic

It makes me feel stressed just writing it down.

This is the story of my day, yesterday, a typical weekday: two loads of laundry done pre-8am. Thirteen hours of work at my computer. Toast at my desk for lunch (too busy to assemble the planned salad), 244 emails received and 53 sent. A dash to the post office to dispatch my brotherโ€™s embarrassingly late birthday present. A jog to pick up my two small children from different ends of town, before feeding them, bathing them, wrestling them into bed and shamefully praying theyโ€™ll choose short bedtime stories rather than long ones. A meeting with the carpenter who is currently remodelling my kitchen (the spiralling cost of which means I now need to take on more work to pay for it). A romantic late night chat with my husband about whether heโ€™d renewed the car insurance (he hadnโ€™t. Iโ€™ll un-delegate that one, then). At midnight, Iโ€™m painting my nails in bed, ahead of tomorrowโ€™s work event, hoping I wonโ€™t smudge them in my sleep.

And just before I finally pass out: the thought that I still havenโ€™t organised my birthday party. Or replied to that text from my oldest friend. Or opened the Kindle that my dad gave me for Christmas five months ago and asks me about every week. Or โ€ฆ Zzzzz.

(Credit: Getty)

Ask anyone how they are doing, and the answer is always the same: busy, busy, busy (that is, of course, if theyโ€™ve got time to answer their phone). My friend Suzanne, a 36-year-old news photographer, tells me sheโ€™s given up having a social life on weeknights. โ€œI see going out for drinks purely in terms of how much time itโ€™ll take out of my schedule. And its too much โ€“ a whole evening, and then you have to factor in being hungover the next morning.โ€

Another working mother friend Sasha, 35, fits in grooming โ€“ eyebrow plucking and nail filing โ€“ when sheโ€™s waiting at red lights on the drive to work. And before you turn the page because you think this story isnโ€™t about you, stop. This isnโ€™t just a working mother issue. Itโ€™s an every woman issue: I know I felt horribly busy before motherhood too. Indeed, Antonia, 33, who is single, without children, bemoans the fact that her weeks are so crammed with work that she spends her weekends carrying out all the chores โ€“ haircuts, supermarket shopping, physio appointments โ€“ that she couldnโ€™t get to during the week. โ€œI have to-do lists at work โ€“ and for the weekend,โ€ she says.

It was at the bitter end of one of those filing-nails-at-a-red-light kind of days when I opened a package containing a new book, Overwhelmed: Work Love And Play When No One Has The Time โ€“ and wondered whether Iโ€™d sleep-written my own autobiography without realising it. Upon closer inspection I saw that it was by Brigid Schulte, a full-time The Washington Post journalist, mother of two and woman on the verge. Schulte works 50-hour weeks and describes her life as scattered, fragmented and exhausting. She writes, โ€œSomewhere around the end of the 20th century, busyness became โ€ฆ a way of life โ€ฆ And life, sociologists say, became an exhausting everydayathon.โ€

โ€œSomewhere around the end of the 20th century, busyness became a way of life, an exhausting everydayathon.โ€

Brigid Schulte, author

That we are all more stressed than ever is not exactly news. For years, the statistics have been rolling in with depressing regularity: in Australia, three in four people say stress affects their health, two thirdโ€™s of working parents feel they donโ€™t get everything done in a day that they would like to, while nearly half of them feel trapped every day. What is new is Schultes controversial suggestion that โ€“ whisper it โ€“ we might not be as busy as we think we are. That the โ€œmodern overwhelmโ€, as she calls it, is less about a lack of time and more about our inability to manage it well. That, and the fact that in our career-focused world weโ€™ve come to equate busyness with success. And leisure? Well, these days thatโ€™s practically a dirty word.

The idea that weโ€™re not as busy as we imagine emerged when Schulte was asked by her employer to find out why fewer and fewer women were reading The Washington Post. To her, the answer was obvious: โ€œ[Women] are time-starved โ€ฆ stretched too thin.โ€ But a visit to eminent sociologist John Robinson of the University of Maryland in the US, a man who has studied how we use time for 50 years, quickly blew that theory out of the water. To her surprise, Robinson told her that working women actually have 30 hours of leisure time a week. Yes, really. More startling still is the claim that women today have five more hours of free time per week than they did in the 60s.

To prove his point, Robinson challenged Schulte to keep a โ€œtime diaryโ€, chronicling the way she spent every minute of every day for an entire year โ€“ and then highlight all the leisure time he can see. Going running, waiting for two hours by the side of the road for a tow truck after her car has broken down, reading the newspaper she works for: they may not have felt like it at the time, but they all apparently count as leisure. Schulteโ€™s reaction? Outrage.

And who could blame her? When I inform some of my especially frazzled friends that they, too, have 30 hours of leisure time a week all, without fail, are outraged. โ€œWHAT?!โ€ thunders Natasha, 38, who has a full-time marketing directorโ€™s job and two small children. โ€œSo does going to the toilet count as leisure then?โ€

Intrigued, I decide to keep my own time diary for a couple of days to see whether Robinson has a point โ€“ and I soon see there is the odd time when Iโ€™m not working, running errands or looking after children.

I note a 30-45 minute procrastination period each morning at the start of my working day when I check email, social media, eBay, my bank account, news sites โ€ฆ (I basically scour the entire internet before I actually begin writing, making my 8.45am alleged start time really closer to 9.30am.) I also manage to chat on the phone to a friend for 20 minutes during work time and attend a 90-minute yoga class one evening (I return to my computer afterwards, but nevertheless).

I realise I waste large amounts of time compulsively checking email, sometimes every few minutes, without ever asking myself why. So perhaps Robinson has a point. Maybe weโ€™re not as busy as we think. But the important fact is this: whether or not we do have these huge swathes of free time, it certainly doesnโ€™t feel like we do. Even if we actually arenโ€™t busier than ever before, we truly believe we are, which makes us stressed and exhausted.

(Credit: Getty)

โ€œResearchers have found that the way people feel about the stress in their lives is a far more powerful predictor of their general health than any other measure,โ€ writes Schulte. In other words, high blood pressure, arthritis, obesity, anxiety or depression are all problems that strike both those who have very little free time and those who feel as though they do. โ€œPerception is our reality,โ€ writes Schulte.

One fascinating study Schulte unearths โ€“ which goes some way to revealing why stress levels might be on the rise โ€“ involves the missives Americans write in Christmas cards, from an amassed collection that dates back to the 60s. It serves as an anecdotal social history of the rise of busyness, as people summarise their year in an annual update for friends. The words โ€˜hecticโ€™, โ€˜whirlwindโ€™, โ€˜crazyโ€™ crop up with increasing frequency as the years tick by. But, crucially, a sense of one-upmanship and showing off also begins to creep in: one mother boasts of ferrying her kids between so many sporting activities, she drives more than 150km a day.

Busyness as a badge of honour? You bet. Because when weโ€™re telling our friends how hectic life is, we may be outwardly having a moan, but secretly, weโ€™re rather pleased with ourselves. Look how important we are! In previous centuries, poor people were busy โ€“ the downtrodden worker bees โ€“ while the wealthy showed status and power by having copious leisure time. Today, the reverse is true โ€“ the more powerful someone is, the busier they are. You donโ€™t catch, say, Anna Wintour boasting about long lunches or watching an entire series of Mad Men in one sitting. Wintour plays tennis, but famously gets up at 5am to do so. Read a โ€œa day in the life ofโ€ interview with a powerful person and, without fail, they are out of bed before dawn. Post-6am starts are for losers. My friend Aimi, a 30-year-old teacher, has an ambivalence towards downtime that resonates for many of us: โ€œ[Leisure] is linked to being a bit lazy โ€“ itโ€™s not valid, productive time.โ€ And, after all, whats the alternative to being busy? Being bored? I know which one Iโ€™m more afraid of.โ€

There are, of course, other things that contribute to the โ€œmodern overwhelmโ€. Technology is an obvious one. โ€œWe have yet to learn how to control the unprecedented flood of information coming at us,โ€ explains Schulte, who thinks itโ€™s high time we all forgot about the modern mania for multitasking and relearnt to focus on one thing at a time. Why so? Apparently every time we switch tasks or get interrupted, it takes between 1020 times the length of that interruption time to get back to the task at hand. In other words, a 30-second interruption (say, to press โ€œcheck mailโ€) means itโ€™s a whole five minutes before we are concentrating again. No wonder we feel there is not enough hours in the day to do our jobs.

โ€œWe have yet to learn how to control the unprecedented flood of information coming at usโ€

Brigid Schulte, author

Add motherhood into that mix and, hello meltdown. In Overwhelmed, Schulte takes aim at todayโ€™s โ€œcult of intensive motherhoodโ€ which has set โ€œinsanely high standardsโ€ for mothers. She also points out that women still shoulder the lions share of the child care and household duties. The result? Many of us move through our days with โ€œan exhausting mental tape loopโ€ of chores were desperately trying not to forget playing in the back of our minds. This โ€œmental pollutionโ€ (or โ€œtime contaminationโ€ as scientists call it) only adds to our sense of stress.

So what to do? Weโ€™re too busy, and even if weโ€™re not actually too busy, we feel like we are. And, perversely, we quite like it, even though it can make us stressed and ill. According to Schulte, the answer is to chuck out the to-do list, and โ€œprioritise playโ€. โ€œWeโ€™ve been conditioned to think that a womanโ€™s work is never done, which makes us believe we have to do everything, before we can earn leisure time. We feel if we get to the end of our list, we can relax, but the list never ends. So do it now โ€“ you deserve it now.โ€

Womenโ€™s leisure time, unlike menโ€™s, tends to be fragmented, she says โ€“ tiny slivers between tasks. I realise I read two pages of a novel several times a day (while Iโ€™m trying to get out of bed, while Iโ€™m waiting for the kettle to boil), whereas my husband will book an entire weekend morning to go cycling. โ€œStitch those slivers together into something more substantial,โ€ advises Schulte. โ€œDo something thatโ€™s really going to refresh your soul and bring a lightness to your day.โ€

Schulte isnโ€™t the only one to worry about our collective stress levels. Business psychologist Tony Crabbe, author of Busy: How To Thrive In A World Of Too Much, is aghast that busyness has become โ€œan aspirational brandโ€. Like Schulte, he advocates play. But, he says, it has to be intentional leisure โ€“ not just slobbing on the sofa. โ€œWe need to do something purposeful as part of our leisure time, to connect us to whatโ€™s important to us and give us a reason not to work. Lots of people get a huge buzz from work โ€“ its goal-focused, so youโ€™re more likely to get highs from it than just vegging out at home,โ€ he says.

Inspired, I sign up for a 10km fun run in a monthโ€™s time. I already run three times a week, finding it hugely beneficial to my health and sanity, but this provides a fresh jolt of motivation at a time when Iโ€™ve been cutting short my runs to get back to my desk. Suddenly, my free time feels more meaningful. Crabbe also makes me realise that Iโ€™m letting the technology thatโ€™s supposed to make my life easier add to my workload. I reconfigure my phone to regain some control โ€“ choosing to manually check my email rather than respond like Pavlovโ€™s dog to the continual ping of new messages. I delete the Twitter and Facebook apps so I can only log in from my computer, and stop my horrible habit of checking my email just before I go to bed.

Overall, Iโ€™m also trying to shift my mindset, reframe my thinking. While I accept that thereโ€™s always going to be a lot to do, some things in life are simply not work: arranging a night out and phoning my dad are lifeโ€™s little pleasures, not just more chores to sigh about. And Iโ€™m attempting to live more in the moment, rather than fixating on that time in the future when I finally finish my to-do list and can relax โ€ฆ a time that, of course, will never come. So, as I set off to pick up my children shortly, Iโ€™m not going to read a work report on my phone as I walk. Iโ€™m going to notice the warmth of the evening sun on my arms and how the leaves on the trees are starting to change colour. And Iโ€™ll remind myself of the words of that great philosopher Ferris Bueller: โ€œLife moves pretty fast. If you donโ€™t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.โ€

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The Employers Penalising You For Being Pregnant

For many women, motherhood means missed career opportunities - and the perception that they're no longer serious players at the office. In the wake of startling new statistics from the Australian Human Rights Commission, we report on the employers still penalising women for getting pregnant.

On a crisp, cloudless winterโ€™s day in 2012, staff from a major Australian hospital gathered over lunch to bid a temporary farewell to their workmate Chloe*. Sometime between main course and dessert at the ritzy Italian restaurant, the group handed Chloe two generous gifts and an oversized card festooned with funny, affectionate messages. Was she having a boy or a girl, โ€“ the group โ€“ which included Chloeโ€™s extremely supportive boss โ€“ playfully debated. 

Thrilled with the afternoon, and excited about the future, Chloe, a highly regarded doctor on a six-figure salary, left for maternity leave on a high. The gifts she received that day werenโ€™t the last from the hospital. When her daughter was born, along with a flood of phone calls and emails, came flowers from her colleagues. About four weeks later, Chloeโ€™s boss visited her at home to see the newborn and offer his congratulations. Amid the whirlwind of goodwill, Chloe came to a happy conclusion: she adored being a mother.

About eight months into her leave, Chloe rang her boss to talk through some routine work matters. As they chatted, she mentioned how much she was enjoying motherhood, and that because of her age โ€“ she was 35 โ€“ she planned to have a second child soon. Did his tone just turn cool, she wondered, or was she imagining it? A few weeks later, she dropped by his office. โ€œOh good, Iโ€™m glad youโ€™re here. Sit down,โ€ said the man, a senior medical figure.

What happened next landed like a blow. โ€œClearly youโ€™re not committed to this unit,โ€ he told Chloe. โ€œClearly youโ€™re not committed to your duties. Youโ€™re not leadership material and I need someone else to do your job.โ€ Chloe was stunned. This man had been her mentor. Heโ€™d supported and promoted her, and openly anointed her his successor as head of the unit. Now he was saying that he wanted her out. And there was only one possible explanation: her admission that she would be taking maternity leave again soon.

โ€œYouโ€™re not leadership material and I need someone else to do your jobโ€

Chloeโ€™s boss

โ€œI kept looking at him as if to say, โ€˜Come on, this is me!โ€™ I recall saying, โ€˜I am committed to this job. I love this job. The only difference here is that Iโ€™ve had a child and Iโ€™m keen to have another one.โ€™ But to me that doesnโ€™t affect my ability to provide an excellent service as a clinician and a teacher,โ€ she says.

It happened two years ago, but for Chloe the memory remains vivid. Her voice is strained as she describes the four months that followed that devastating conversation, which were spent locked in fruitless negotiations. At one stage, the hospitalโ€™s HR department told her that the problem was her performance. She countered that they should check her glowing five-year performance review history. They rang me back a few weeks later and said, โ€˜Youโ€™re right, its definitely not about your performance,'โ€ she says, drily.

Lawyers she spoke to confirmed she had a case. But in the end Chloe chose not to take legal action, mostly out of loyalty to her former colleagues. Walking away from her job โ€“ and a boss for whom she no longer wanted to work โ€“ was simply easier, albeit one of the worst moments of her life.



Chloeโ€™s story has all the hallmarks of a classic pregnancy discrimination case: painful, hard-to-prove and ultimately unresolved. Itโ€™s also far from unique. Pregnancy discrimination is the number one reported form of discrimination in Australia. The first-ever national review into the issue, recently carried out by the Australian Human Rights Commission (AHRC), has produced hundreds of submissions from women nationwide that make startling and disquieting reading.

Most shocking of all is the reviewโ€™s main finding, which reveals that one in two Australian women will face discrimination at work while pregnant, on maternity leave or upon their return to work. Meanwhile, one in three of the women surveyed reported that they had been threatened with redundancy or dismissal, or had in fact lost their jobs, because of pregnancy.

The ramifications of the study are huge โ€“ and not just for women considering starting a family. Australia lags far behind most developed countries when it comes to workforce participation among women of child-bearing age. The results of the review beg the question: how many women are silently dropping out of the workforce โ€“ or falling a few rungs down the career ladder โ€“ because of discrimination?

On a personal scale, pregnancy discrimination can be devastating. Elizabeth Broderick, the federal sex discrimination commissioner, was struck by the deep sense of disempowerment expressed by many of the women she spoke to as part of the review.

She says they used words like โ€˜demeaningโ€™ and โ€˜demoralisingโ€™ to describe what had happened to them, and also told her theyโ€™d started doubting themselves and their abilities. โ€œSome of the women were highly qualified professionals,โ€ emphasises Broderick. โ€œA lot of them are left with quite significant trauma some years on. So there has been a very significant impact on their self-esteem and confidence.โ€

How nasty does it get? Very. Some women, told bluntly by their managers that they had a choice โ€“ their job or the baby โ€“ were left wondering whether they were being asked to terminate the pregnancy. Fortunately, that sort of discrimination isnโ€™t widespread. โ€œItโ€™s more nuanced than that,โ€ says Broderick, who has heard many stories about sham restructures. Women were phoned while on maternity leave and told there had been a restructuring and unfortunately their job no longer existed. Then, a couple of months later, they would find out that they were the only ones whoโ€™d been restructured.

Others were bewildered by the way their history of exceptional performance appraisals became a thing of the past. Suddenly, because they had family responsibilities, they were no longer regarded as serious players.

โ€œSo youโ€™re denied access to training. You fail to be promoted,โ€ says Broderick, who agrees that the 24/7 workplace, now the predominant model of work, is part of the equation as well. โ€œI think at the heart of it is an unconscious belief in the gender stereotype that a carer canโ€™t be a committed worker,โ€ she adds. Women told Broderick about pay cuts; others revealed theyโ€™d returned to work only to have their rostered schedules changed in ways that made childcare arrangements difficult, if not impossible; several were informed that overseas travel was now required even when it hadnโ€™t been part of the job before.

โ€œThereโ€™s a belief that a carer canโ€™t be a committed workerโ€

Liz Broderick, Federal Sex Discrimination Commissioner

Broderick heard from top performers who were suddenly excluded from meetings; told it was pointless to complete upcoming performance reviews because they were about to go on maternity leave; or given a full workload despite negotiating a return to part-time hours and a matching part-time salary. In some of the worst cases, women who said they were pregnant got their marching orders instantly, or after they went on maternity leave โ€“ or they were dismissed when they returned to work. Financial hardship often followed. Kristen Hilton, of Civil Justice Access and Equity at Victoria Legal Aid, describes the case of a young woman who had been given a glowing performance review the day before telling her boss she was pregnant: she was immediately given the boot.

Then thereโ€™s Julie , 24, who worked for a retail business in Melbourne. Her manager, who had behaved coldly towards her the moment she told him late last year she was pregnant, became infuriated when she developed terrible morning sickness โ€“ clicking his fingers at her if she sat down, and sending her text messages when she was in the bathroom telling her to hurry up because there were customers waiting to be served. In fear of losing her job, Julie put up with the treatment. Twice, she was admitted to hospital because of dehydration. When she was three months pregnant, Julieโ€™s doctor wrote a medical certificate, which she gave to her manager, requesting that she be given shorter working hours so she wasnโ€™t standing on her feet eight hours a day. He ignored it.

Julieโ€™s boss called her three days later and told her he couldnโ€™t agree to the doctors request because the business wasnโ€™t in a position to let him. โ€œI said, โ€˜Basically Ive got no choice but to leaveโ€™. He said โ€˜Yes, pretty much'โ€, says Julie.

So she resigned. Unable to get another job since, she isnโ€™t eligible for paid maternity leave. Her baby is due and her financial situation is precarious.

Victoria Legal Aid has taken up her case, though Hilton points out that Julieโ€™s situation highlights another aspect of pregnancy discrimination โ€“ the adjustments often needed to working conditions because of the physical symptoms of pregnancy. โ€œIf a woman needs extra toilet breaks, or sheโ€™s really ill and she needs time off during the day, under the current legislation in Victoria thereโ€™s no positive obligation on employers to make reasonable adjustments for a woman during pregnancy,โ€ says Hilton.

This is in contrast to existing requirements that reasonable adjustments be made for workers with a disability. A woman can try to claim that normal pregnancy symptoms amount to a disability for the purposes of the legislation, but thatโ€™s quite difficult to do.

In fact, looking at the statistics, prosecutions for pregnancy discrimination are rare. In the past four years, the Fair Work Ombudsmanโ€™s Office has investigated 133 cases of pregnancy discrimination. Only five went to court.

Itโ€™s easy to understand why many women shy away from legal action. The stress and uncertainty of a court case during what is already a stressful time, as well as fear of the impact that it would have on their professional reputation (especially if they work in a specialised field), are just some of the reasons women walk away rather than go to court.

Broderick says she was struck by the absolute fear of victimisation that many women had in reporting their experiences. โ€œWe had the highest level of submissions that weโ€™ve ever had. But so many of those women would not agree to their submissions being made public [and] would only talk on a one-to-one basis,โ€ she says. That few cases are successfully prosecuted is a fact that wont have escaped the attention of unscrupulous employers.

The new Australian Human Rights Commission review dealt only with discrimination during or after pregnancy. But itโ€™s a testament to the insidious nature of the problem that it can taint the career prospects of all women in their 20s or 30s.

Countless studies suggest that employers are less likely to hire women of child-bearing age for fear theyโ€™ll go on maternity leave before their feet are under the desk. (In fact, only 10 per cent of women leave their jobs after less than a year to go on maternity leave.)

And youโ€™re not out of the woods if you already have children. A study by New Yorkโ€™s Cornell University found that women with children are seen as less committed and are therefore paid less than women without children thanks to the motherhood penalty. Researchers sent out hundreds of fictional CVs โ€“ and indicated on half that the applicants were parents (by mentioning, for example, that the applicant was involved with the PTA). The recommended salaries for mothers turned out to be $11,000 less than for non-mothers.

One widely reported UK study last year found that women are so afraid theyโ€™ll be discriminated against that one in three removes their wedding ring before job interviews or at work โ€“ in fear that their relationship status would harm their employment status.

On one level, itโ€™s easy to understand employers concerns. Innes Willox, chief executive of the Australian Industry Group, believes that most employers try to do the right thing by their workforces. โ€œHowever,โ€ he says, โ€œItโ€™s a balancing act for business because they have to ensure that they continue to get their product out and sustain their workforce.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s a balancing act for business โ€ฆ they have to to get their product out.โ€

Innes Willox, Australian Industry Group, Chief Executive

 Small businesses can be particularly impacted when women take maternity leave. Lynda Davis is the owner of a day spa in the Blue Mountains west of Sydney, and with eight employees โ€“ two have taken maternity leave in the past couple of years, and a third will go soon โ€“ believes in creating a supportive environment for pregnant workers. She points out, though, that it takes time to train people to work at the spa, and replacing them temporarily isnโ€™t ideal either for the business or for the person employed casually to fill in who has no long-term job security.

Recommendations following the national review are due out in July. But Broderick, for one, believes that flexible work arrangements are key to the future, and that until flexible work becomes as ubiquitous as full-time work, this form of discrimination wonโ€™t disappear.

In the meantime, pregnancy discrimination continues to bring some careers to an abrupt halt. Anna* was a senior employee at an ASX 50 company when she became pregnant with her third child at 39. Previously, shed had no problems taking maternity leave.

But this time, her new boss, a woman, was unsympathetic in the extreme. Anna was given a full workload despite negotiating a three-month period of part-time hours (and a part-time salary). She was told she was no longer talented despite having won two awards for the company. At meetings, in front of junior colleagues, her boss gave her menial tasks, such as revising table placements at events she was attending. And then there were the phone calls.

On the day that Anna worked at home, her boss would ring every couple of hours to ask where she was and what she was doing. โ€œIt was extreme harassment,โ€ says Anna, who lodged a complaint against her boss, but finally left for another โ€“ top-level โ€“ job. It took her a long time to recover from the treatment she suffered and, not surprisingly, she believes many Australian companies pay lip-service to both the idea of working mothers and flexible work arrangements: โ€œI actually donโ€™t think Australia is ready for senior women having children and taking time off.โ€

Then again, one Sydney woman, Jane*, who had a good job in IT, found the perfect solution after she was made redundant on her third day back at work after maternity leave a few years ago. She went out and started her own company in the healthcare industry.

Today, she has 60 employees. Six of them have been pregnant so far. Jane says she thoroughly enjoyed the conversations she had with each woman before they went on maternity leave. โ€œI talked about flexible work arrangements and I said that they could change their minds about how they wanted to work it. I said, โ€˜I support whatever you want to do. Itโ€™s completely your choice.โ€™ I donโ€™t even see it as an issue.โ€

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Home Page 248

One Familyโ€™s Loss. Another Familyโ€™s Life

The gift that crossed enemy lines When a Palestinian child needed a kidney, and an Israeli family had one to give, love succeeded where decades of diplomacy have failed.

In a war-weary corner of the world where life is a precious gift and death an all too familiar reality, the spring sunshine filling Avi and Sarit Naorโ€™s fourthfloor apartment in Ramla, Israel, on May 20, 2013, lit up a scene refreshing for its sheer normality. As Avi read a newspaper in the lounge room of the run-down building, he could hear the squeals of his two youngest sons as they jumped on beds in the tiny room they shared with their older brother.

Then, suddenly, the cheerful cacophony was replaced by silence.

โ€œDad,โ€ six-year-old Nevo shouted. โ€œNoamโ€™s fallen!โ€ Thinking three-year-old Noam had tumbled off the bed, Avi put down his paper and hurried to the bedroom. Noam wasnโ€™t there, but a gentle breeze flowing through the open window over the little boyโ€™s bed hit Avi with the force of a tornado. His heart thumping, the 46-year old hospitality worker charged towards the opening and looked down. There, two floors below, Noamโ€™s tiny body lay crumpled on a neighbourโ€™s concrete balcony. โ€œI knew it was serious, but I kept that inside, to myself,โ€ says Avi now, sitting in the spotless lounge room of the apartment near Tel Aviv on Israelโ€™s central coast.

Avi raced down the buildingโ€™s narrow staircase to his neighbourโ€™s place and pounded on the door, then frantically called an ambulance as he ran out to the balcony. Aviโ€™s next call was โ€œthe most difficult Iโ€™ve ever madeโ€. It was to his wife, Sarit.

Sarit, 36, had finished her shift as a cleaner and was returning home to take Noam to a play date. All Avi could manage to say was that thereโ€™d been an accident and Noam was unconscious. He couldnโ€™t bring himself to describe what he actually saw โ€“ his youngest son, apparently lifeless, his skull shattered by the impact of the fall.

Avi sat by Noamโ€™s broken body, holding his hand, while he waited for an ambulance to take them to Assaf Harofeh Medical Center in Ramla. Sitting on a beige sofa opposite Avi, Saritโ€™s face is tense as she recalls the hours that followed Aviโ€™s phone call. She says she turned her car around and headed towards the hospital, driving blind through her tears. She doesnโ€™t remember getting there.

Four days later, after two major operations on Noamโ€™s brain, doctors gave Avi and Sarit the worst possible news. โ€œThey said they couldnโ€™t revive Noam, that he had a brain stem injury, and that, in fact, he was brain dead,โ€ Sarit whispers in a strained voice, staring down at her entwined hands. โ€œThere was no hope.โ€

โ€œThey said they couldnโ€™t revive Noamโ€ฆ There was no hope.โ€

Sarit Naor, mother

Sarit wants to describe her son. โ€œNoam was always coming up to say, โ€˜I love you,โ€™โ€ she begins until, overcome with tears, she is forced to stop.

Israel is a small country, where a child falling from a window is national news. Fifty kilometres away, in the childrenโ€™s ward at Jerusalemโ€™s Shaare Zedek Medical Center, mothers watching over their own sick children saw the story about Noam Naor on the TV news. They talked about the accident and shared their hopes that the little boy would recover. Some of the mothers cried.

One of those mothers was Suhaila Ibhisad, a Palestinian woman from the village of Yatta, 8km south of Hebron in the West Bank. Wearing a long, dark coat and headscarf, she was at the Jerusalem hospital with her gravely ill 10-year-old son, Yakoub, who was undergoing dialysis for severe kidney problems.

Suhaila understood the agony of watching a child hover between life and death, but as she cried for a mother on the other side of the regionโ€™s religious divide, she had no way of knowing that in a gesture so powerful it drew praise from Israelโ€™s president, Shimon Peres, the death of the little Israeli boy on the TV screen would mean life for her own son, a Palestinian.

The gift that would lift spirits across the world began with a routine question. Before turning off Noam Naorโ€™s life support, doctors asked his grieving parents if they would consider donating their sonโ€™s organs.

Having spent four days at Noamโ€™s bedside, praying and begging God to help him recover, it was a question neither Avi nor Sarit saw coming. โ€œTo tell you the truth, I thought Noam would pull through,โ€ admits Avi, shaking his head. โ€œHe was so lively, so full of life.โ€

Numb with grief that theyโ€™d be burying their beloved son, Sarit says they simply couldnโ€™t take in what they were being asked. They turned to their religion for guidance. โ€œI have an uncle who is an important rabbi,โ€ explains Sarit. โ€œWe asked him [where Jewish law stands on organ donation] and he explained that we could do it, that Judaism encourages it in order to save life.โ€

But Sarit says it was still an agonising decision. โ€œIf I went only on feeling, then Iโ€™d obviously say no. But once I went on reason instead, I had to say yes because Noam wasnโ€™t going to return any more and it was better to save a life.โ€

โ€œNoam wasnโ€™t going to return any more and it was better to save a lifeโ€

Sarit Naor, mother

Saritโ€™s cousin Pini Turgeman was by her side at the hospital. โ€œOnce Sarit had made her decision on religious grounds, she had no doubts,โ€ she recounts. โ€œShe had tears streaming down her face, but her โ€˜yesโ€™ was bold and clear. She was simply remarkable.โ€

Under the hospitalโ€™s rules, once donors or their families agree to a transplant theyโ€™re not allowed to specify a preference for any ethnic or religious groups. Nonetheless, doctors asked the Naor family if they minded one of Noamโ€™s kidneys going to a Palestinian child (the other went to an Israeli child).

Sarit was adamant about that, too. Noamโ€™s organs could be used to save the life of any child who needed them.

In the context of Israel and Palestine, it wasnโ€™t an obvious response. People here have been enemies since the United Nations voted to divide up British Mandatory Palestine to create the state of Israel in 1948. Hundreds of thousands of Palestinians were displaced, becoming refugees, and thousands more on both sides died in six wars that followed.

After the 1967 Six-Day War, in which Israel occupied the West Bank, there were riots, suicide bombings and military incursions. More people on both sides died, most of them civilians.

As the conflict rolls on, Israelis and Palestinians regard one another with suspicion at best โ€“ and outright hatred at worst.

But Sarit, who describes herself as a God-fearing woman, believes humanity is above politics. โ€œI didnโ€™t think Arab-Jew,โ€ she reasons. โ€œFor me, everyoneโ€™s the same. It wasnโ€™t the issue. Saving a life was what was important. And we did it with love.โ€

โ€œI didnโ€™t think Arab-Jew. It wasnโ€™t the issue. Saving a life was what was important. And we did it with love.โ€

Sarit Noar, mother

Yakoub Ibhisad had been waiting a long time for a miracle. Born in Yatta in 2003, he and his twin sister, Sarah, were the fifth and sixth children in their family. The Ibhisads were poor, living in a small house supported by their father, Samirโ€™s, work as a labourer in Israel. While the newborn girl was perfectly healthy, there were problems with Yakoubโ€™s kidneys. One did not function at all and the other was undersized.

As Yakoub grew, his sole functioning kidney remained small and he failed to thrive. At four years old, he weighed only 11 kilograms. His mother could carry him in her arms like a baby. He was also getting sicker.

A major function of the kidneys is to clear toxins from the bloodstream, which we then pass as urine. Yakoubโ€™s one undersized kidney was no longer doing that job. At four, he was not only tiny, but also bloated like a small Michelin man, his body filled with fluid that wasnโ€™t being cleared. The pressure began to affect Yakoubโ€™s other organs and he had difficulty breathing.

At the Aliya Hospital in nearby Hebron, doctors told Suhaila and Samir that their son would need dialysis, where patients are wired up to a machine that performs the function of their non-working kidneys. But there was a problem โ€“ the procedure wasnโ€™t available in the West Bank, so they wrote a referral to an Israeli hospital.

The doctors in Hebron told Suhaila that Yakoub was unlikely to survive and that she was โ€œnot to struggle for himโ€. Suhaila, a determined, thoughtful woman, would have none of it. Back home, in the familyโ€™s dilapidated stone house, the 36-year-old housewife watched as Yakoub, barely alive, fought to take each painful breath. โ€œHow could I not struggle for him when he was struggling so hard for himself?โ€ insists Suhaila today, doing needlework in her spartan lounge room.

When the time came to travel to Israel, Suhaila and Samir rose long before the sun, dressed their desperately ill little boy, and left the house at 4am to make it to the Israeli checkpoint when it opened at 5am. Once they crossed over to the Israeli side, they caught a taxi to Shaare Zedek Medical Center in Jerusalem. Ninety minutes later, with Samir cradling their undersized, bloated child in his arms, they reached the hospital. Yakoubโ€™s body was swollen and his hands and feet were blue. He was barely breathing as doctors rushed him to the intensive care unit.

Yakoub was unconscious as medical staff drained bottles of fluid from his body. The doctors told Suhaila and Samir they werenโ€™t sure heโ€™d survive. Suhaila sat by his bed, saying prayers, reading the Koran and crying. โ€œI think I filled one of those bottles they were using just with my tears,โ€ she remarks.

โ€œI think I filled one of those bottles they were using just with my tears.โ€

Suhaila Ibhisad, mother

Twenty-five days later, Yakoubโ€™s eyes fluttered open and he smiled weakly at Suhaila when she squeezed his hand. The drainage and kidney dialysis had done their job. Suhaila was in tears again, but optimistic. โ€œI said to myself that any child who could survive all that had life inside him.โ€

Hospital staff explained that until a replacement kidney could be found, Yakoub needed regular dialysis. For that he would need to come to Jerusalem at least three times a week โ€“ a difficult and expensive journey for a Palestinian family. The round trip would take a minimum of four hours and require two taxi rides. Sometimes money came from funds Suhaila had set aside to buy her other childrenโ€™s schoolbooks; sometimes it came from their budget for food.

The family became very familiar with the route through the checkpoint, up to Jerusalem and back again because they would do the trip four times a week for the next seven years.

But while the dialysis was keeping Yakoub alive, he couldnโ€™t do it forever. He needed a new kidney. In 2008, Suhaila and Samir were tested as potential donors, but neither was suitable as their own kidneys werenโ€™t healthy enough to transplant. Later that year, Suhailaโ€™s sister offered to be tested. But she wasnโ€™t a match.

โ€œAfter that, I stopped asking,โ€ reveals Suhaila. โ€œHow could I ask relatives to give up a body part for my child when it was not something I could do myself?โ€

Five years later, in May 2013, the family received the news theyโ€™d been praying for โ€“ a kidney had become available. Suhaila knew it meant a child had died, so her joy was tempered with sorrow. When she learnt that the organ likely to save her sonโ€™s life was being donated by a grieving Israeli family, she was stunned. โ€œThat mother is a very special woman,โ€ says Suhaila of Sarit Naor. โ€œIt is not everyone who could do what she did.โ€

The Naor family buried Noam on May 28, after which they observed the seven-day mourning period known as shiva, a Jewish tradition. During this time, they received a phone call from Israelโ€™s president, Shimon Peres.

โ€œTo do something so humane, so generous and so difficult, to give life to another human being, is exceptional,โ€ the president told Sarit. โ€œAccording to Jewish tradition, every man was created in the image of God. Our sages say that โ€˜anyone who saves one life has saved the whole worldโ€™. You stood before two tests and you passed them with impossible bravery, after having gone through such an unjustified tragedy. You have filled our hearts with pride over the courage you possess, your motherhood and your Jewishness.โ€

President Peres said he was moved by the transplant for another reason, too. โ€œItโ€™s one of the most moving contributions to peace,โ€ he said. โ€œIt shatters all prejudices.โ€

On May 29, while the Naor family was still sitting shiva for Noam, doctors at Schneider Childrenโ€™s Medical Center in Petah Tikva, in central Israel, transplanted the infantโ€™s kidney into Yakoubโ€™s body in a four-hour operation. The organ started to function immediately.

It is a hot summerโ€™s day, less than two weeks after the transplant, and Yakoub, in a brightly coloured ward at the hospital, is preparing for a special meeting: the Naor family are coming to see him.

Already Yakoub is a different child. As each day passes, he has more energy. This morning, he plays drums with the hospitalโ€™s music therapist. A nurse walking by urges him in Hebrew to bang harder, as hard as he can. The plump, curly-haired boy obliges.

As Yakoubโ€™s mother looks on, her face more relaxed than itโ€™s been in years, she admits sheโ€™s nervous about meeting Noamโ€™s parents.

โ€œI want to thank the family first, before the doctors,โ€ she explains, โ€œbut still it will be hard for me to see this mother who has suffered so much. I want to see her, but I am always in tears when I think of her because I know it is much harder for her than for me. I pray that God will give her another child to help ease her pain.โ€

When Avi and Sarit arrive at the hospital two hours later, they are surrounded by local media. The Naor family, including the brothers, sisters and cousins who have come to support them, walk into Yakoubโ€™s ward, flanked by doctors and TV cameras. Everyone is nervous.

Sarit hands Yakoub a gift, a box wrapped in shiny coloured paper with balloons attached, then stares at him, mesmerised.

โ€œHe is sweet, he is sweet, he is sweet,โ€ she murmurs, bursting into tears.

She hugs Yakoubโ€™s mother and the two fathers shake hands. Then Sarit sits on Yakoubโ€™s bed and asks for a hug. The little boy throws his arms around her neck.

Sarit asks what he most wants to do and Yakoub replies in a voice still raspy from his illness, โ€œI want to ride a bike!โ€ She tells him she hopes he will now be able to do that.

โ€œI wish you a great future, with lots of happiness and health, good health above all,โ€ announces Sarit, and then hugs the little boy again.

โ€œI feel as if some part of Noam is still alive,โ€ says Sarit later, standing near Yakoubโ€™s hospital bed, her face wet with tears. โ€œKnowing I saved a life gives me great comfort and the power to go on. It was not an easy choice, but today I am happy I made it. It was never an issue that he was a Palestinian boy.

โ€œI wish it would bring us peace,โ€ she adds. โ€œI believe it will bring us peace.โ€

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Home Page 248

Me, My Selfie And I

Kim Kardashian snaps up to 1200 pics of herself a day. We put Alex Carlton to the test: could she match the reality starโ€™s relentless selfie regimen for a week โ€“ and keep her sanity?

Like many terrible realisations, it all happened in a changing room. I was trying on a dress that looked good on the rack โ€“ silk, summery, a soft fawn colour with a tie waist. But when I put it on it clashed with my skin, giving my face an unflattering pink glow. โ€œNever mind,โ€ I thought to myself, appraising my refection with a steely editorโ€™s eye. โ€œI can fix up the colour with an Instagram filter.โ€

Thatโ€™s when I knew that my assignment โ€“ to selfie myself for a week at the same rate as the patron saint of selfies, Kim Kardashian โ€“ had started to go of the rails.

Let us consider the selfie. The word was almost unheard of a few years ago but has now earned a place in the Oxford English Dictionary. According to Googleโ€™s analytics, we take more than 93 million selfies every day, which is 326 times the rate at which we have orgasms. Kardashian, the worldโ€™s uncontested selfie grande dame, once described them as โ€œthe purpose of lifeโ€ on her reality show, Keeping Up With The Kardashians. She wasnโ€™t kidding. The 34-year-old wife of Kanye West and mother to 23-month-old daughter North is reported to take up to 1200 selfies a day. Thatโ€™s 100 selfies an hour over 12 hours, or one selfie every 36 seconds that sheโ€™s awake. โ€œHow on earth does she have time to do anything else?โ€ you may ask. Iโ€™ll tell you right now: she doesnโ€™t.

Kardashian has even hired a โ€œselfie editorโ€ to advise her on lighting and angles and decide which of her hundreds of self-portraits will make it onto social media. She has also single-handedly invented a sub-genre of selfie, the butt selfie or โ€œbelfieโ€, and is said to make millions of dollars via selfie product placement from the cosmetic and alcohol companies she endorses. Because Kardashian is truly the worldโ€™s most prolifcc 360-degree, 365-days-a-year, walking, talking, pouting brand, itโ€™s hard to know where the selfies stop and the woman starts. If aliens landed on Earth tomorrow, imagine trying to explain to them that this is a genuine way a member of our species makes a living.

On May 5, Kardashian is releasing Selfish (Rizzoli, $29.95), a 448-page book of her own selfies produced by a luxury New York publishing house โ€“ just in case you are, in fact, an alien and havenโ€™t discovered the hundreds of other media channels where you can already view this womanโ€™s photographic meditations on herself for free.

Kim Kardashian doing what she does best (Credit: GETTY)

If not a sure sign of the coming apocalypse, the bookโ€™s release is certainly a good argument for the idea that weโ€™ve reached Peak Selfie. Add the rising popularity of the selfie stick (aka the Wand of Narcissism), the fact that a UK college is offering a course in โ€œtaking the perfect selfieโ€, and statistics unearthed by The Body Shop that say the average woman spends 753 hours of her life capturing the perfect online profile picture, and itโ€™s easy to assume our digital lives are beginning to trump our flesh-and-blood lives.

But are selfies making us more narcissistic? Or is our increasing narcissism making us take more selfies?

US researcher Dr Jean Twenge from San Diego University analysed data from 11 million young people across 20 years, and found that weโ€™re signifcantly more narcissistic than we were a decade ago. The selfie, it could be argued, is merely symptomatic of this; narcissismโ€™s business card, if you like.

Other experts believe that selfies are not in and of themselves problematic. โ€œItโ€™s not necessarily narcissistic to explore your own perspective of yourself visually โ€“ look at the history of self-portraits,โ€ says Associate Professor Doris McIlwain of Sydneyโ€™s Macquarie University. The problem, she says, lies with the kind of selfies we create. If youโ€™re gilding the lily (read: obsessing over filters and lighting), you may be far more interested in showing of than showing your true self. โ€œThese activities become narcissistic if you hide what you see as your bad bits and if it is all about you, no matter what the context.โ€

To explore what really goes into making selfies round the clock, and to see whether I turn into a vain, preening nightmare (plus quite possibly just to torture me for their own amusement), the editors at marie claire issued me with this challenge: spend a week taking selfies of yourself โ€“ ร  la Kim Kardashian โ€“ and see what it does to your life. The results, despite blood, sweat, tears and a lifesaving retouching app, were not pretty โ€ฆ

I began my week as I imagined Iโ€™d continue: simply taking photos of myself. Here I am lying on my bed surrounded by cushions. Here are my hands at my laptop, next to some artfully dishevelled wildflowers. And here I am in the garden โ€“ laughing, carefree! Soon the old-school, analogue-camera shutter cuh-chook of my iPhone becomes the soundtrack of my days. I find myself taking an average of 10 shots per set-up, until I get one where the light forms flattering hollows along my cheekbones and the crowโ€™s-feet are minimal (pro tip: natural but not too bright sunlight, shoot from above).

Tentatively, I posted my bed shot to Instagram, feeling kind of silly. It attracted a mere 10 โ€œlikesโ€ but a handful of innocuous but encouraging comments: โ€œBeauty!โ€ declared one friend; โ€œYouโ€™re so damn cute!โ€ wrote someone else.

I was nailing it. I could almost feel the validating squirt of dopamine shoot into my synapses with each new like (which it probably was; a 2012 Harvard University study says showing of about ourselves on social media triggers the famous and addictive pleasure-and-reward chemical). It was only a matter of time before someone signed me up as a brand ambassador for a vigorous energy drink.

Soon my initial selfie-shyness started to fade, as my eye adjusted to seeing every moment of my life inside a square frame. My days became taken over by selfie-prep โ€“ shifting furniture, rearranging ornaments, asking people to move either out of frame (for sultry solo selfies) or into frame (for celebratory party selfies).

I quickly worked out which shots got me more likes: ones where Iโ€™m wrapped only in a towel in the bathroom received wide acclaim, as did anything with a pout. (โ€œAlex, you look 16!โ€ wrote one commenter). I flicked lights on and of to adjust shadows. I got blow-dries every two days. Inhibitions gave way to my hunger for likes.

Then a few things happened. I suddenly noticed I was bleeding Instagram followers. There were over 1800 at the beginning of the experiment; a week in and Iโ€™d plummeted to 1718. As if that wasnโ€™t enough of a sign, I discovered I was starting to annoy everyone I actually lived my life with. My husband begged me to stop. My son got upset when he had to repeat basic questions to a mother completely, helplessly ensconced in her phone.

Most of all, I was tired. I was really tired of everything in my life being selfie-centred. Then I got a cold. I think I got an eye infection from my fake lashes. I didnโ€™t want to photograph myself looking like this โ€“ or looking like anything, come to think of it.

Stop the shoot, I want to get off.

Thatโ€™s when it hit me: being Kim Kardashian would suck. The time and effort required to create the illusion of a perfect life would mean she couldnโ€™t actually have one. She must look flawless at all times. Sheโ€™s forced to attend parties pretty much constantly, even if she wants to stay at home in a pair of old trackies and eat pizza. She needs the cute baby and the endless wardrobe turnover and the famous husband as accessories, and there is never, ever a day of. โ€œA brand of [Kardashianโ€™s] size requires strategy and constant management of public perception,โ€ comments bestselling author and personal brand expert Ben Angel. Think the famous โ€œBreak the Internetโ€ shot, where Kimโ€™s magnificent buttocks acted as a drinks trolley. The butt selfies are not a whim. The whole enterprise is a machine. A grinding, loveless machine.

For Kim, however, at least itโ€™s not a thankless machine. Sheโ€™s compensated for her exertions by a net worth of $84 million, whereas I was rewarded with nothing more than exhaustion and fewer social media followers than I began with.

Because Iโ€™m not Kim Kardashian. I donโ€™t have that body, that hair, that famous husband or an invitation to the Grammys. My Instapics are amateur shots of my home, my friends, my neighbourhood โ€“ and really, no-one wants to see my face that often.

Angel gets it. โ€œMost of our lives can be pretty mundane behind the camera without the filter. We have to proactively create photo opportunities that will pique peopleโ€™s interest,โ€ he says. โ€œThis can be tiring.โ€

It is tiring, and itโ€™s also more than a little soul destroying. Every 15 or 20 minutes I spent prepping for a selfie was time in which I could have been doing something โ€“ anything โ€“ vaguely worthwhile. Now I donโ€™t want to get too self-righteous here โ€“ itโ€™s not as though I was running around feeding starving children before this experiment started โ€“ but cooking dinner for my family is more important than this. Hell, sitting still and daydreaming for five minutes has more value.

Yet selfies arenโ€™t going anywhere. Already, younger generations think of selfies as no more remarkable than writing out a shopping list or sending a text. โ€œI watch young people in my workshops take selfies without thinking; it is second nature for them in the same way that they take a photograph of a brainstorming group activity instead of writing it out,โ€ says Natalie Hendry, mental health and visual social media researcher at Melbourneโ€™s RMIT University.

But at what cost, I wonder? How will future generations โ€“ weaned on the idea that their relevance and attractiveness can be gauged by the number of clicks received by their self-portrait โ€“ cope in the real world, and as they age?

Media psychologist Dr Pamela Rutledge isnโ€™t overly worried. Selfies, she argues in her column for Psychology Today, are merely a modern-day form of self-portraiture that humans have been indulging in since we scribbled on cave walls, and are a tool to help us explore ourselves. โ€œOne of the most effective ways to know yourself is to see yourself as others see you,โ€ she says. โ€œBy offering different aspects through images, we are sharing more of ourselves, becoming more authentic and transparent.โ€

She may be right. But, if I learnt one thing from my week of selfie-ing it was that if I were Kardashian, Iโ€™d take my $65 million and stop right now.

When it was over, I confessed to some of my friends about the real reason Iโ€™d been fooding their social media feeds with photos of myself. They laughed with relief. โ€œOh, thank God, I thought I was going to have to come round and check on your mental health,โ€ said one.

She may still need to. Just looking at my iPhone gives me PTSD.

The context passage in the Oxford English Dictionaryโ€™s entry for โ€œselfieโ€ is: โ€œOccasional selfies are acceptable, but posting a new picture of yourself every day isnโ€™t necessary.โ€ Iโ€™d add that the word โ€œselfieโ€ could be short for self-absorbed, self-obsessed, self-aggrandising, self-centered and, yes, as even Kardashian appears to be aware, selfsh.

Kim, itโ€™s been real โ€ฆ or not, if Iโ€™m honest. Iโ€™m done keeping up with you.

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Forced To Be Fat

In Mauritania big is beautiful and stretch marks are considered sexy.

It sounded like a dream getaway. โ€œYouโ€™re going on holiday to the desert to meet other girls and eat sweet food,โ€ Tijanniya Mint Tijaniโ€™s mother told her. Tijani was excited. โ€œShe said that by the time I returned home, Iโ€™d be a beautiful woman.โ€

Ten days later, Tijani, 14, an athletic student from Atar in the West African country of Mauritania, is eating breakfast with five other girls, aged seven to 12, in a cramped hut deep in the Sahara. Her stomach is bloated from huge quantities of goatโ€™s milk and oily couscous, but the meal is not over. The next course is half a litre of pounded millet mixed with water. 

Tijani chokes down the thick gruel โ€“ she has no choice. An older woman in pink robes threatens to beat her with a cane if she refuses. Worse, if Tijani throws up, the woman will make her eat her own vomit. Outside, a strong wind whips sand into phantasmagoric shapes. The girls have been sent to this desolate spot for leblouh โ€“ force-feeding. 

โ€œThe aim is to feed them until their bodies blow up like balloons,โ€ says Aminetou Mint Elhacen, 50, the woman wielding the cane.

โ€œThe aim is to feed them until their bodies blow up like balloonsโ€

Aminetou Mint Elhacen, Professional force-feeder

The ideal of Mauritanian beauty is like the Westโ€™s cult of super-thinness in reverse. Tradition holds that, among women, rolling layers of fat are the height of sexiness. The preference originated centuries ago among the Moors, a nomadic people of Arabic and Berber descent, who make up two thirds of Mauritaniaโ€™s population of 3.2 million. To the ancient Moors, a fat wife was a symbol of a manโ€™s wealth, proof he had the riches to feed her generously while others perished in the drought-prone terrain.

Until recently, it appeared that the big-is-beautiful ethos was dying out. Although leblouh has never been outlawed, in 2003, the government launched a campaign to fight child abuse and raise awareness of the health risks of obesity. Moreover, as diverse global influences โ€“ from knock-off Western fashions to Nigerian pop music and French TV โ€“ slowly reached the masses, women in cities like the capital, Nouakchott, were beginning to slim down. 

But in December 2007, progress stalled when al-Qaeda gunmen murdered four French travellers, causing tourism and foreign investment to plummet. Then, in August 2008, a military coup removed the democratic government and installed a junta that favoured โ€œa return to traditionโ€. 

Now, big women are back in vogue, and the custom of feeding young girls like geese farmed for foie gras is again thriving. Elhacen, a professional force-feeder, estimates that around Atar, a town 400km north-west of Nouakchott, more than 80 per cent of girls are force-fed. Government figures before the coup recorded up to 60 per cent in rural areas and 30 per cent in cities. 

โ€œThe practice is re-emerging because men still find mounds of female flesh comforting and erotic,โ€ explains Seyid Ould Seyid, a local male journalist. โ€œThe attraction is ingrained from birth.โ€

Elhacen, who makes $200 for each girl she force-feeds over a three-month period, is delighted. โ€œI have a lot more clients again,โ€ she reveals. Her current โ€œclientsโ€ are lying down in the hut in glassy-eyed exhaustion, digesting breakfast. Elhacen mixes crushed dates and peanuts with couscous and oil to make the second of the dayโ€™s four meals โ€“ cloying, egg-sized balls of 1300 kilojoules apiece. Each girl eats 40 per day, along with six litres of goatโ€™s milk and gruel, making their daily intake up to 70,000kJ. The recommended amount for a healthy 12-year-old girl averages 6000kJ; an adult male body builder eats about 17,000kJ.

โ€œMy stomach hurts,โ€ groans Tijani. Sheโ€™s furious with her parents for sending her here. โ€œI donโ€™t want to be fat. I donโ€™t think itโ€™s beautiful. Now I see why some girls at school came back fat after their holidays, but they were much prettier before.โ€

Tijani adjusts her electric-blue mulafa (traditional dress), revealing a yellow T-shirt and denim skirt underneath. โ€œI love sports. Iโ€™m scared I wonโ€™t be able to run fast when Iโ€™m fat.โ€

How do small girls eat such huge amounts of food? โ€œIโ€™m very strict,โ€ boasts Elhacen. โ€œI beat the girls, or torture them by squeezing a stick between their toes. I tell them that thin women are inferior.โ€

 

โ€œI beat the girls, or torture them by squeezing a stick between their toes. I tell them that thin women are inferior.โ€

Aminetou Mint Elhacen, Professional force-feeder

Desert settlements like this 1000-strong farming community with no electricity or running water are popular spots for leblouh because there are no distractions and no easy ways to escape. But Elhacen denies that her work amounts to child cruelty. โ€œNo, no, itโ€™s for their own good. How will these poor girls find a husband if theyโ€™re bony and revolting?โ€ she asks.

A real concern, as leblouh is linked to another horrendous practice: child marriage. Most girls wed between the ages of 12 and 14. โ€œIncreasing a girlโ€™s size creates the illusion that sheโ€™s physically mature, that sheโ€™s ready for a husband,โ€ points out Aminetou Moctar, president of the Association of Women Heads of Families, an equal rights organisation. โ€œBut force-feeding grows the body and shrinks the brain โ€“ all the girls do is eat and sleep.โ€

Tijani wants to become a French teacher, but Elhacen says her parents have already arranged a marriage for her. โ€œHer job will be to make babies and be a soft, fleshy bed for her husband to lie on.โ€

To this end, she intends to fast-track Tijaniโ€™s weight gain by serving her cups of pure animal fat. โ€œThe stomach flab should cascade, the thighs should overlap, and the neck should have thick ripples of 
fat,โ€ explains Elhacen. 

The ultimate sign of beauty, however, is silvery stretch marks on the arms. โ€œParents will give me a bonus if a girl develops stretch marks.โ€

Back in Atar, Zeinebou Mint Moha-med, 26, offers a glimpse into the girlsโ€™ potential future. A shopkeeper who is 162cm and weighs more than 90kg, with her hair dyed blonde at the tips and stretch marks on her arms, sheโ€™s a modern woman who has a love-hate relationship with her size. 

โ€œI was force-fed as a child. I vomited and suffered heartburn and diarrhoea, but I gained weight fast,โ€ says Mohamed. At 13, she was married to a much older man and, by 16, she had two sons. Then, like any normal teen, she rebelled, prompting her husband to divorce her. Newly single, she was flooded with offers. โ€œI suddenly saw how much Mauritanian men adore very fat women. Men told me I had the most beautiful body in town and they fought over me.โ€ 

This reaction to her figure transformed her self-image. โ€œWhen I realised the power I had over men, I started to enjoy being fat.โ€ Mohamedโ€™s current boyfriend, Baba Slama, 29, who is, like many Mauritanian men, rail thin, agrees that sheโ€™s in charge: โ€œSheโ€™s gorgeous; I love her,โ€ he gushes. 

Yet Mohamedโ€™s weight slows her down: โ€œIโ€™m always tired and I wheeze when I walk. I want to be slimmer so I can be more dynamic.โ€ 

A fan of TV soaps beamed in from France and Morocco, she confesses sheโ€™s drawn to the lifestyles of the female stars. โ€œThey seem so independent. Iโ€™d love to be able to wear jeans and high heels. I want to diet, but Iโ€™m scared men wonโ€™t like me anymore.โ€
 

โ€œIโ€™d love to be able to wear jeans and high heels. I want to diet, but Iโ€™m scared men wonโ€™t like me anymoreโ€

Zeinebou Mint Moha-med, 26


Mohamed also frets that she would lose her It-girl status among her female friends. โ€œMy first thought when I met Zeinebou was, where did she get that incredible body?โ€ says her friend, Hawer Sessay, 26. At 167cm and 80kg, Sessay says she has trouble keeping on the weight. Recently, her husband said he โ€œdidnโ€™t like sleeping with a bag of bonesโ€. In desperation, Sessay uses drugs. She produces a bottle of pills containing cyproheptadine hydrochloride, a medication that treats allergies and has a side effect of increased appetite. 

Misused, it can cause blurred vision and heart palpitations. Moctar, the anti-force-feeding activist, says pharmaceuticals are โ€œthe new form of leblouhโ€. Sold secretly in markets, they include drugs used to treat animals. A neighbour of hers died after taking such pills while pregnant. โ€œShe hoped it would give her a fat baby,โ€ sighs Moctar.

She has petitioned the junta to take action, to no avail. โ€œThe authorities want women to return to their traditional roles โ€“ cooking, staying indoors, and staying fat to keep men happy,โ€ she says. A government spokesperson denies that the authorities condone leblouh, but canโ€™t name any measures introduced to address it since the coup. Meanwhile, Dr Mohammed Ould Madene, an emergency medicine specialist in Nouakchott, warns that the force-feeding is โ€œa grave matter of public healthโ€. 

Heโ€™s alarmed by the number of patients he sees with diabetes, heart disease and depression. He mentions the case of a girl who was rushed to his clinic unconscious. โ€œShe was only 14, but so huge that her heart 
had almost collapsed under the strain.โ€

Yet some women in the capital refuse to bulk up. โ€œIโ€™ve always been thin and I love my size,โ€ admits Aminetou Kane, 28, a social worker. Many of her friends prefer to be slimmer, too. Another encour-aging sign is the success of Nouakchottโ€™s first women-only gym, which has 300 clients. โ€œSome women join on doctorโ€™s orders, but others are image conscious,โ€ explains owner Zahoura Kajouane.

That said, women here will almost certainly never strive to be super-slim. In Mohamedโ€™s home, she and Sessay inspect a photo of a bikini-clad model in a magazine. The woman has โ€“ to Western eyes โ€“ an appealing figure, but the two women are genuinely repelled. 

โ€œShe looks ill,โ€ they agree, clicking their tongues at her jutting hips and clavicles. Then they turn to an article about liposuction, and laugh so hard the walls seem to shake.

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Inside Japanโ€™s Biggest And Most Bizarre Girl Group

Theyโ€™re banned from having boyfriends, perform in frilly knickers and suggestive schoolgirl get-ups โ€“ and their male fans are encouraged to imagine making babies with them. Oh, and they outearn Lady Gaga. Meet the cute, but controversial, AKB48.

Itโ€™s a weeknight in Tokyo and high-octane J-pop bounces off the walls of a crowded club. On the stage, 18 teenage girls wearing pink pyjamas and fixed smiles rattle through a series of synchronised dance steps. Their songs โ€“ belted out like a well-drilled, if risquรฉ, school choir โ€“ are as fizzy and nutritious as a soft drink. โ€œS-U-G-A-R,โ€ they chorus, pumping the air with their fists. โ€œJump into your racing car, say sugar rush, sugar rush (hey)!โ€ The audience, a motley crew of students and office workers, sing along, cheer and wave glowsticks as if acting according to some invisible cue. Ninety-five per cent are male.

The music stops and each girl performs a monologue. โ€œIโ€™m 14 and I havenโ€™t eaten a watermelon yet,โ€ says one. โ€œSo Iโ€™m going to try one this year.โ€ Another starlet saunters to the front of the stage. โ€œI bought a bikini last year and I havenโ€™t had a chance to wear it,โ€ she coos in a high girlie voice. โ€œIโ€™ll have a nice body by the summer so Iโ€™ll try it then.โ€ A collective โ€œoooohโ€ from the crowd and then itโ€™s back to the jackhammer soundtrack and a series of eye-popping costume changes: short leather boots, suspenders and school uniforms. Welcome to the world of AKB48.

You may not have heard of them, but AKB48 is one of the worldโ€™s most successful pop acts, with more than a dozen chart-toppers and annual CD and DVD sales of more than $230 million (which is triple what Lady Gaga brought in last year). Add in income from merchandising, endorsements, concert ticket sales and TV performance fees and you have a genuine supergroup, as ubiquitous in Japan as instant noodles. Among the Guinness World Records they hold is one for most number of appearances in different TV commercials in a single day (90) and the worldโ€™s largest pop group (since 2010).

AKB48 also have their own manga series, monthly magazine and a string of bestselling video games. The government has even issued them their own postage stamp and enlisted them to sell state bonds.

But all that success is steeped in controversy. There are the photoshoots that feature โ€œteamโ€ members (as members are referred to) as young as 13 posing in their underwear, and the lingering questions about whether the girls themselves ever see a fair share of their hard-earned fortune. Then thereโ€™s the svengali behind the bandโ€™s success, record producer Yasushi Akimoto, who allegedly insists members stringently adhere to a โ€œno datingโ€ rule so as to never shatter their (male) fansโ€™ illusions about their availability.

The AKB48 monster (the โ€œ48โ€ stands for the number of regular members) was conceived nearly a decade ago in Akihabara (hence AKB), Tokyoโ€™s capital of geeky cool, when Akimoto hit upon the idea of an all-girl group that would perform daily in their own exclusive theatre, drawing in customers off the street. Thousands of girls were auditioned, American Idol style, and eventually a team of 24 was formed. Older members would tutor younger โ€œtraineesโ€ and eventually โ€œgraduateโ€, or leave the group.

Critics sniffed at the girlsโ€™ tuneless warbling and wobbly dancing, but it was precisely their amateurishness โ€“ that just-out-of-reach girl-next-door qualityโ€“ that endeared AKB48 to their fans.

Nobody, however, questioned Akimotoโ€™s marketing savvy. The girls were coached to sing suggestive bubblegum pop that quickly spawned a lucrative recording career. Fans were encouraged to become paying members of the AKB48 โ€œclubโ€ and form (strictly platonic) relationships with their favourite performer. They could vote for who rose and fell in the groupโ€™s hierarchy, binding them to their favourite performers.

โ€œThis idea that you are intimately involved in their development, that youโ€™re helping and nurturing them, has really inspired passionate fandom,โ€ says Patrick Galbraith, a Japanese pop culture expert and author of The Otaku Encyclopedia. โ€œAs they rise up, youโ€™re associated with that. Itโ€™s really clever.โ€

Akimotoโ€™s formula helped the group steamroll its way out of the otaku (or โ€œfanboyโ€) pop underground and into the mainstream. Today, ABK48 is an institution, commanding the nationโ€™s attention for weeks during the lead-up to an annual โ€œelectionโ€ at Tokyoโ€™s Nippon Budokan concert hall to vote for the most popular members. Last yearโ€™s poll saw 2.6 million Japanese cast their vote. (The public can only vote by buying the groupโ€™s latest single for $12.50, with some reportedly buying multiple copies.) On the night of the 2013 election, one in three TVs in the region around Tokyo was tuned in to the live broadcast, according to The New York Times.

โ€œRetirementsโ€ from the group are national news. Singer Yuko Oshima made front-page news when she announced her departure last New Yearโ€™s Eve during state broadcaster NHKโ€™s annual variety music show. At 25, she was already considered ancient in AKB48โ€™s teen fraternity.

But despite the mega groupโ€™s incredible popularity, their success raises some troubling questions. For one thing, where does all the money go? Not, it seems, to the girls. Akimotoโ€™s management company has declined to discuss the groupโ€™s finances, but Japanโ€™s tabloids say the performers are paid as little as $2000โ€“$3000 a month, depending on their popularity. Top stars like Oshima reportedly earn at least three times that โ€“ still a tiny fraction of AKB48โ€™s huge income โ€“ though their earnings can be boosted by leveraging their stardom into solo efforts. Akimoto reportedly gets 30 per cent of all royalties and fees.

Then there is the groupโ€™s flirtation with underage sexual imagery and themes. In one of their more notorious videos, for the song โ€œHeavy Rotationโ€, the girls don lingerie and mime a sort of lesbian slumber party: kissing, feeding each other cherries and sharing a bubble bath. Every year the AKB48 team poses for thousands of magazine pictures wearing little more than pigtails and pouty smiles.

โ€œToss aside my uniform, I want to play more naughtily, Iโ€™ll do whatever you make me do, I want to know the fun of an adult โ€ฆ โ€œ

AKB48 lyrics

Some songs appear to be straightforward invitations to underage sex. In โ€œMy School Uniform Is Getting In My Wayโ€, the girls collectively plead to โ€œlove more freelyโ€. They sing, โ€œToss aside my uniform, I want to play more naughtily, Iโ€™ll do whatever you make me do, I want to know the fun of an adult โ€ฆ Donโ€™t look at me with those eyes, as though Iโ€™m only a high school girl โ€ฆ Even if someone is watching, itโ€™s no concern of ours.โ€

Itโ€™s a long way from โ€œBe My Babyโ€.

Consider, as well, the questionable marketing tactics employed by the groupโ€™s management. For $15 a month, for instance, AKB48โ€™s official website offers a service that enables men to create a โ€œdigital babyโ€ with their favourite group member. On its introduction, the website showed Yuko Oshima smiling and asking, โ€œWould you make a baby with me?โ€ โ€“ while breastfeeding.

Of course, pop music has a long tradition of challenging boundaries and expressing teen sexual fantasies. But AKB48โ€™s icky schtick comes from the minds of middle-aged male producers, mainly Akimoto, who writes many of the lyrics. โ€œItโ€™s very patriarchal,โ€ says Galbraith. โ€œ[Akimoto] communicates through the girls to the fans, so he gets to control both.โ€ And although Japanese culture has always had a tendency to portray women as submissive or childlike โ€“ manga comics and anime films are filled with doe-eyed, girlish characters and anything kawaii (or cute) is revered โ€“ thereโ€™s a dark side to these widely accepted cultural norms, too. Japan is the only country in the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD), for example, that doesnโ€™t have robust laws that ban the possession of child porn.

In a rare interview with CNN in 2012, Akimoto defended charges of sexual exploitation, saying he was depicting the realities of teenage life in his lyrics and images. โ€œIโ€™m not forcing them, Iโ€™m picturing their private lives, partly based on my imagination or newspaper articles or TV news reports. I watch what their generation is doing.โ€ Akimoto was frank about the limits of his protรฉgรฉs. โ€œItโ€™s about people who want to apply for American Idol but are not very good at singing. They want to dance on Broadway, but theyโ€™re not really that good at it.โ€ AKB48 was different to American Idol and other Western talent shows, he said: instead of showing stars fully formed, his group allows fans to watch their favourite performers grow and develop.

AKB48โ€™s Lolita complex sits oddly with the bandโ€™s strict code of behaviour. Dating and sexual relations are banned, as is anything that might break the spell that they are unattainable to their male fans. Several members have been demoted when the media revealed they were secretly dating. In the most memorable incident, in January last year Minami Minegishi, a silken-haired jewel in the groupโ€™s pop crown, shaved her head and made a tearstained apology on video after a tabloid magazine snapped her emerging from an overnight tryst at her boyfriendโ€™s apartment. She was eventually reinstated.

But what happens to the girls once they have reached their sell-by date? Some, like Oshima, may be lucky enough to carve out new careers in modelling and acting. A few have started clothing chains and at least one, Nozomi Kawasaki, has gotten married. Three others have accepted the lure of Japanโ€™s porn industry. Rina Nakanishi appeared in more than a dozen adult videos after she retired from AKB48 in 2010. Eri Takamatsu is a veteran of six hardcore movies. Last October, Risa Naruse made her adult video debut. โ€œI want to find a new me,โ€ she shyly says in the movie National Idol, before peeling off her school uniform and having sex with men on camera.

Oddly, few of the hundreds of ex-members have broken ranks or told tales about what happens inside the group. But occasionally the public is shown a glimpse of what goes on behind the scenes. Some of the most valuable insights come from 2012โ€™s Documentary Of AKB48: Show Must Go On. Culled from more than 1000 hours of footage, the movie shows the young performers, under Akimotoโ€™s tutelage, pushing themselves to the limit, with some crying, vomiting or fainting during rehearsals. The movie hinges around the looming retirement of Atsuko Maeda. More than 200,000 fans applied for tickets to her final concert.

Akimoto is now trying to export his empire abroad. AKB48 has sister groups in China, Taiwan and Indonesia. He believes the โ€œidol you can meetโ€ formula might even work in the US or Europe. But not everyone is convinced. Steve McClure, executive editor of online music industry newsletter McClureMusic.com, says the group cannot escape its Japanese moorings. โ€œThe AKB48 phenomenon says a lot about Japanese society.

โ€œThe group presents a disturbingly infantilised vision of female sexuality โ€œ

Steve McClure, McClureMusic.com, Executive editor

The group presents a disturbingly infantilised vision of female sexuality. Their music, with its emphasis on group vocals and lack of harmony, ironically reflects the premium placed on group harmony and non-threatening mediocrity by Japanese society and the mass media.โ€

Meanwhile, AKB48 continues to go from strength to strength. โ€œSayonara Crawlโ€, their 2013 single, sold nearly 1.5 million copies on its first day, setting a new record for most sales by a girl band. Tickets for those daily concerts at the Akihabara theatre, where rotating teams of AKB48 members perform every day, are oversubscribed by 100 to one. Hundreds of disappointed fans watch on a video screen outside the theatre. Some retire to the AKB48 cafe and shop, five minutes away, where look-alike waitresses in short skirts serve fluffy omelettes with curried rice decorated with ketchup hearts. The walls are autographed by the girls and drinks are served on coasters featuring their pictures. Fans can buy AKB48 custard cakes, cookies and cushions embossed with the names of their favourite starlet.

Yuta Kato, a 26-year-old office worker, travelled from the other side of the country to see the group. โ€œThe appeal for me is that they are all individuals and you see each one grow,โ€ he says. โ€œThe more you follow them, the more interested you become in their lives.โ€ Like most male fans he denies any overt sexual attraction. โ€œTheyโ€™re more like little sisters than potential girlfriends,โ€ he insists.

Back in the theatre, the girls are nearing the end of their routine. Theyโ€™re now wearing candy-coloured negligees cut off at the thigh to reveal hotpants, and singing in Japanese and English. One by one, the girls skip to the front of the stage and beam down at the audience in the front row.

An office worker, holding his jacket on his arm, necktie undone, stares up, eyes wide, a serene smile on his face. โ€œBecause I LOVE you,โ€ the girls sing in unison. Then, after a final round of digital squeaks and thumps from the speakers, theyโ€™re gone. As the man exits the theatre, the light seems to have gone from his face.

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Hair Trend: The Wavy Bob (Wob)

The wavy take on last season's lob is the must-have haircut. Take your inspiration from these celebrities

Margot Robbie

Newly crowned Chanel ambassador Margot Robbie hit the Oscars red carpet with a freshly chopped bob. Celebrity hair stylist Bryce Scarlett did her Oscars hair, giving her new cut a soft bend at the cheekbones for a look thatโ€™s modern, fresh and about to be copied by everyone.

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Sienna Miller

The new lob will draw attention straight to your eyes, particularly if you inject it with some subtle layers like Sienna Miller. Ask your stylist to keep the ends light and wispy to avoid a pyramid look.

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Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

The lob is ideal for most women since they can adjust the part, angle or length to best suit their face shape. Inject volume into your roots like Rosie Huntington-Whiteley for a sophisticated take on the โ€˜do.

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Kate Bosworth

If youโ€™re after a more polished look, take inspiration from Kate Bosworth, who debuted an effortless long bob earlier this year. Simply use large rollers in the ends of your hair to re-create the voluminous look seen on the actress.

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Emma Stone

This season, the wob sees a more relaxed, textured approach. Wear yours with subtle waves for an effortless, โ€œI-woke-up-like-thisโ€ look, a la Emma Stone.

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Jennifer Lawrence

If your hair falls naturally in the middle, the long bob may be the perfect hairstyle for you. This often harsh parting can drag your face downwards, so subtle waves will help to lift your look.

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Kate Mara

The poker-straight hair of seasons past is updated with this look, which has more movement. To get Kate Maraโ€™s look, โ€œrun a one-inch flat iron over small sections, then clamp the iron over the bottom half of each piece, leaving out the tips and twisting the tool up and away to create S-shaped bends,โ€ says the starโ€™s stylist, Alex Polillo.

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Kim Kardashian

Take Kim Kardashianโ€™s cue and load up on texturising products.

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Families of the fallout

More than two years after the nuclear disaster in Fukushima, Japan, couples are struggling to keep love alive and their children safe in a place where even birthday cakes pose a contamination risk
A family of four, wearing masks, walking outside in a rural area with dirt paths and power lines in the background.Eric Rechsteiner

Perhaps one day, Aiko* and Kenji* Nomura will laugh about the โ€œBirthday Cake Incidentโ€ of late 2012. Aiko, a care worker from the city of Koriyama in north-east Japanโ€™s Fukushima prefecture, was celebrating her 35th birthday. Her husband, Kenji, decided to surprise her with the biggest cake he could find. It was filled with whipped cream and decorated with pink roses.

โ€œI couldnโ€™t help myself,โ€ recalls Aiko. โ€œKenji had a huge smile on his face, but the first words out of my mouth when I saw the cake were, โ€˜Is the cream safe?โ€™โ€

Since March 2011, when a meltdown occurred at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Station 60km from their home, the Nomuras have avoided buying dairy and other food produced in their region. Kenji, 42, confessed to Aiko that heโ€™d forgotten to check the creamโ€™s origins. โ€œIโ€™m sure itโ€™s fine. Please eat some โ€“ just this once,โ€ he begged her. Aiko refused. She wouldnโ€™t let their children have any, either. Kenji ate the cake alone. The couple didnโ€™t speak for two days.

Itโ€™s been more than two years since the earthquake and tsunami in northeastern Japan that killed almost 20,000 people and caused the worldโ€™s worst nuclear disaster in 25 years. Koriyama, an inland commercial hub with 337,000 people and views of nearby mountains, was spared the tsunamiโ€™s monstrous waves, but it couldnโ€™t escape the clouds of radioactive particles that spread widely following multiple explosions at the Daiichi plant. The total amount of radiation released into the air was between 10โ€“40 per cent (depending on who funded the estimate) of the quantity released during Ukraineโ€™s Chernobyl disaster in 1986 โ€“ and over an area of Japan with a population density 10 times greater. In the aftermath, radiation levels in Koriyama spiked at 30โ€“40 times higher than legal limits, contaminating the city with caesium and other long-life radionuclides (radioactive atoms) for decades to come.

The Nomuras, who have two small daughters โ€“ Sakura*, almost four, and Koto*, nearly two โ€“ have managed to hold together their marriage and family, but only just. In the past two years, theyโ€™ve had to cope with the arrival of a new baby (Aiko was newly pregnant with Koto when the disaster struck), periods of enforced separation, and life in an environment that feels infinitely less wholesome and secure than it did before.

The stress on family life for all two million residents across Fukushima has been immense. Marital discord has become so widespread that the phenomenon of couples breaking up has a name: genpatsu rikon, or โ€œatomic divorceโ€. There are no statistics yet, but Noriko Kubota, a professor of clinical psychology at Fukushimaโ€™s Iwaki Meisei University, claims there are many cases. โ€œPeople are living with constant low-level anxiety. They donโ€™t have the emotional strength to mend their relationships when cracks appear.โ€

โ€œPeople are living with constant low-level anxiety.โ€

Noriko Kubota, Fukushimaโ€™s Iwaki Meisei University

Moreover, now that what Kubota calls the โ€œdisaster honeymoon periodโ€ of people uniting to help one another in the immediate aftermath is over, long-term psychological trauma is setting in. โ€œWe are starting to see more cases of suicide, depression, alcoholism, gambling and domestic violence,โ€ she asserts. The young are not immune, either. In December 2012, Fukushimaโ€™s children topped Japanโ€™s obesity rankings for the first time, apparently due to comfort eating and inordinate amounts of time spent indoors avoiding contamination. โ€œFrom the point of view of mental health, this is a very critical time,โ€ adds Kubota.

Most unmentionable of all, people from Fukushima are experiencing discrimination within Japanese society. Social stigma attached to victims of radiation goes back to the aftermath of the World War II atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, when men couldnโ€™t find work and women were unable to marry due to fears they were โ€œtaintedโ€. While the ignorance that remains is far from widespread, it is highly pernicious. Tales exist of people from Fukushima being barred from donating blood, or being asked to provide a medical certificate listing their caesium levels on job applications.

A Tokyo maternity hospital advised one mother not to let her Fukushimabased parents visit their new grandchild, โ€œjust to be safeโ€. Prejudice against women is the most pervasive: many negative comments in the media insinuate that Fukushima women are โ€œdamaged goodsโ€. Even some people who are supposedly on the side of radiation victims are prepared to throw them on the reproductive scrap heap. In July 2012, prominent anti-nuclear activist Hobun Ikeya, head of the Ecosystem Conservation Society of Japan, said at a public meeting, โ€œPeople from Fukushima should not marry because the deformity rate of their babies will skyrocket.โ€

Aiko and Kenji are eating lunch when I meet them at a restaurant outside Koriyamaโ€™s city centre. Itโ€™s a freezing winterโ€™s day, but inside thereโ€™s a coal-burning stove and the comforting smell of roasted sesame. The couple is sitting at a low table on a tatami mat floor calmly eating while their girls, Sakura and Koto, clamber over them.

The restaurant, says Aiko, is their new sanctuary. Called Ginga no Hotori (โ€œEdge of the Galaxyโ€), the former health-food restaurant now serves something even better for the body: guaranteed non-radioactive meals. โ€œItโ€™s relaxing to eat here. I donโ€™t have to cook or worry,โ€ says Aiko. โ€œAnd the food is very tasty.โ€

โ€œSamples from everything we use in our cooking are checked [for radiation]โ€ฆ it gives people some peace.โ€

Katsuko Arima, Restaurant owner

Enormous effort goes into preparing the tofu burgers, black sesame buns, organic miso soup and other menu items. Hidden behind a rustic partition is a high-tech metal panel with dials and switches that operate a gamma spectroscopy machine. It looks similar to an industrial-sized food processor, except it measures levels of the deadly radioisotope caesium-137. The restaurantโ€™s owner, Katsuko Arima, an energetic 50-something in a blue bandana, explains that each food item must be peeled and chopped before being placed in the machine for 30 minutes. โ€œSamples from everything we use in our cooking are checked and rechecked,โ€ she insists. โ€œItโ€™s a lot of work, but I wanted to do this to give people some certainty, some peace, when they eat here.โ€

While the restaurant is one of a kind, numerous citizens groups with similar machines have set up makeshift offices in shopping centres so people can test everything from their groceries to garden soil. โ€œNobody trusts the government anymore,โ€ states Arima. She cites cases of official incompetence when supplies of beef, rice and vegetables declared safe by the authorities were found to be contaminated. โ€œYou can only trust yourself.โ€

Aiko and Kenji agree. After lunch, they tell me that conflicting information about safety issues has caused countless arguments. โ€œWeโ€™ve ended up screaming at each other,โ€ reveals Aiko. Now theyโ€™ve made a pact to take their health, and that of their daughters, into their own hands as much as possible. โ€œWe would rather move away from here, but we canโ€™t afford it,โ€ muses Kenji, a softly spoken man with a fringe that sits neatly on the rim of his spectacles. โ€œI would have to give up my job. It is hard to find new work in the current economy.โ€ Koriyama, like many affected towns, is outside the mandatory evacuation zone. The government decreed that the radiation risk to health was โ€œminimalโ€ beyond a 30km radius around the plant and has provided no support to help people leave independently. Kenji reasons it is afraid of triggering an exodus that would impoverish the disaster-hit region further.

โ€œWe must do everything we can to minimise our daughtersโ€™ radiation exposureโ€

Kenji Nomura

In assessing the dangers, the Nomuras believe there are too many unknowns to feel secure. โ€œIf thereโ€™s one thing weโ€™ve learnt, itโ€™s that the government and scientists donโ€™t have all the answers,โ€ notes Kenji. โ€œEven if the risks are low, we must do everything we can to minimise our daughtersโ€™ radiation exposure.โ€ Aiko nods. โ€œAs parents who have to live here, itโ€™s the only option,โ€ she adds. In practice, this means trying to seal all the leaky edges of their world without turning it into an over-sanitised bubble. Itโ€™s a difficult balance, and Aiko admits she often struggles. โ€œSakura always wants to pick up flowers and leaves when weโ€™re outside, and I hear myself saying things like, โ€˜Donโ€™t touch, get away from that.โ€™ Itโ€™s sad.โ€ The family wears face masks outside, and drives instead of walking. They dry their laundry and air their futons inside. They avoid tap water, fish, seaweed, dairy and locally grown rice and vegetables. Like most people, they own a portable dosimeter for measuring external radiation (a popular brand is Mr Gamma).

Although most of Koriyama has been decontaminated through washing and removing topsoil, high radiation levels can return with wind and rain. The periodic discovery of radioactive โ€œhotspotsโ€ everywhere from playgrounds to parking lots is a constant concern.

Arima brings a tray of radiation-free coffee. Itโ€™s also coffee-free coffee. Itโ€™s her own recipe of steeped bamboo charcoal grains, charred soybeans, azuki beans and crushed brown rice. โ€œIt has excellent decontaminating properties,โ€ she declares. Everyone drinks it down and, like everything else in Arimaโ€™s restaurant, itโ€™s delicious.

The next morning I visit Aiko and her two girls at their apartment. Kenji is at work. Their home is in the classic utilitarian Japanese style: low-rise concrete exterior, with tatami mat floors and cream walls inside. We sit at the living-room table, with laundry dangling over our heads. Although Sakura and Koto have plenty of toys lying around, the girls never stray from their mother during the three hours we talk.

Aiko was driving when the magnitude 9 earthquake struck at 2.46pm on Friday March 11, 2011. As a care worker for the elderly, she was on her way to visit a disabled widower. โ€œThe road started shaking and I stopped the car. The quake was so violent, the traffic lights were waving like flags.โ€ Kenji was at home that day taking care of Sakura, then 15 months old, who had measles. โ€œI managed to call him on my mobile. They were not hurt,โ€ recounts Aiko.

At first, the Nomuras were preoccupied with the news emerging about the annihilation of towns along the Tลhoku coastline. The tsunami reached up to 40 metres above normal sea level, and it was obvious that hundreds, possibly thousands, of lives were lost.

โ€œI couldnโ€™t stop crying. Iโ€™d never seen anything like it,โ€ remembers Aiko. She heard a newsreader mentioning the Fukushima Daiichi power plant, but she wasnโ€™t alarmed. โ€œAll I caught was that there wasnโ€™t a serious problem.โ€ Indeed, although itโ€™s now emerged that the government knew a cataclysmic failure of the cooling systems was likely to occur, it failed to raise the alarm.

On the evening of the disaster, a spokesperson told reporters: โ€œThere is no radiation leak, nor will there be a leak.โ€ When the hydrogen explosions began soon after, authorities continued to downplay the severity and misinform the public.

The Nomuras had much at stake when the reactors blew up. Aiko had just realised she was five weeks pregnant with Koto. โ€œWe knew radiation was especially dangerous for unborn babies, so we were terrified,โ€ admits Aiko.

โ€œWe knew radiation was especially dangerous for unborn babies, so we were terrifiedโ€

Aiko Nomura

Unconvinced by continued government reassurances, Aiko decided to flee south with Sakura. It was too late to prevent their exposure to iodine-131, a radioisotope that attaches to the thyroid gland. It is believed to have caused hundreds of cases of thyroid cancer among people who were children at the time of the Chernobyl disaster. As of June, Japan had tested 174,000 children in Fukushima and found abnormal thyroid cysts and nodules in more than 40 per cent. Twelve cases of cancer were confirmed, another 16 were suspected. Sakura is waiting to be tested.

Aiko went to stay with friends in Osaka. Kenji remained at home. As stories of contamination dominated the news, Aiko pleaded with her husband to leave Koriyama. Here, her story diverges from the version Kenji gave at the restaurant the previous day. โ€œI told him it didnโ€™t matter about his job. I didnโ€™t care about money.โ€ Kenji was furious. He said heโ€™d had his post office job since he was 20 years old; leaving his colleagues would be like desertion. โ€œSome people in Koriyama even put pressure on me to come back. They said if weโ€™re all going to die, we should die together โ€“ thatโ€™s the mentality,โ€ points out Aiko.

In November 2011, near the end of her pregnancy, Aiko left Osaka for Tokyo. There were more specialists in the effects of radiation on unborn babies and it was closer for Kenji to visit. But their marriage was on the point of collapse. โ€œWe wanted to make it work, but it seemed impossible,โ€ says Aiko.

Being alone in the capital, a heavily pregnant nuclear refugee with a toddler in tow, was almost โ€œbreaking pointโ€ for her, explains Aiko. Koto was born with a โ€œstrange markโ€ on her bottom, but otherwise healthy. The mark was so unusual, 10 specialists examined it; none of them could determine what it was. โ€œAll the doctors were in the room at once. I felt like we were guinea pigs.โ€ They still donโ€™t have any answers.

When Koto was a few months old, Aiko moved back to Koriyama. โ€œIt was too damaging for the children to be separated from their father, and to be living like gypsies,โ€ she justifies. Aiko insists the atmosphere in Koriyama is different now than when she left in March 2011. Fukushima, once one of Japanโ€™s richest agricultural areas, is trying to recover economically. In the finely calibrated world of Japanese social interaction, itโ€™s taboo to admit to not buying local produce or even mention radiation fears. The nearby city of Iwaki even has a superhero called Jangara, who appears at events for children. His archenemies are โ€œfools and sloppy peopleโ€ who complain about radioactivity and spread rumours that the area isnโ€™t safe to visit.

Aiko understands the desire to regenerate the area and dispel negativity, but not at the expense of downplaying the disaster or the dangers it still poses. Sheโ€™s angry with the government and power company Tepco. Sheโ€™s also angry with herself and everyone else in Fukushima who colluded with nuclear power. โ€œWe are all responsible. We voted for the plant to be built, we wanted the material benefits it would bring to the area.โ€ And she worries, terribly, about whether her daughters will face their own problems with fuhyo higai (harmful rumours) in the future.

Still, the Nomurasโ€™ greatest concern is the health of their daughters. Serious health consequences of low-dose radiation, which enters the bodyโ€™s tissues and damages DNA, often donโ€™t show up for years. With the second anniversary behind them, the couple is happy theyโ€™re rebuilding their family life and that their home region is slowly regenerating.

But the passage of time also brings an unwelcome twist. โ€œItโ€™s impossible to recover fully from a nuclear accident,โ€ says Aiko. โ€œEach anniversary, Kenji and I will be thinking, โ€˜Is this the year one of our daughters will get sick?โ€™โ€

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